Obligated To Hate Comic Strips - Page 11
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Dilbert and Dogbert sit at the table. Dilbert says, "I'm concerned that you might be running for President for the wrong reasons . . ." Dilbert asks, "Are you doing it for ego gratification, power, and wealth?" Dogbert replies, "Yes." Dilbert shakes his finger at Dogbert and says, "Well, those are all the wrong reasons." Dogbert says, "Of course, I'll tell the ignorant masses that it's because I hate big government."
Dilbert hands the Boss a report and says, "Here's my report. It's some of my best work." The Boss puts the report through a portable shredder that is hanging around his neck. Dilbert says, "I hate that porto-shredder." The Boss asks, "Say, is that a silk necktie?"
Dogbert sits on a pillow thinking, "I've made little progress toward my goal of being supreme ruler of earth." Dogbert thinks, "Obviously it's not my fault. Somebody else must be to blame." Dogbert stares at Dilbert who is sitting at his desk. Dilbert thinks, "I hate it when he just stares."
Dogbert hands Bob the Dinosaur a publication and says, "Bob, here's a copy of my new newsletter for clueless people." Bob reads, "Dogbert's Clues for the Clueless: 1. Professional wrestling is all faked. 2. Nobody ever lost weight on a home exercise device." Bob looks upset as he continues to read, "3. Looks are more important to happiness than brains. 4. If people don't comment on you new hairdo, they hate it." Dogbert says, "It's not healthy to read them all at once, Bob."
Dilbert and a woman sit at a table in a restaurant. The woman says, "I caught the disease puppetitis from somebody I dated." The woman moves her hand like a puppet and says, "Ha ha! That's right! Now her hand is a puppet!" Dilbert thinks, "I hate the nineties." The woman's puppet hand says, "Join us . . . Don't be afraid."
Dilbert sits at his desk. The Boss says, "Dilbert, you're being temporarily transferred to the field sales organization." The Boss continues, "Normally we use these assignments to round somebody out for management. But in this case I'm just yanking your chain!" Dilbert says, "You're over-communicating again, sir." The Boss continues, "Plus, I hate the manager of sales."
The Boss tells Dilbert, "We're having a department bowling night tomorrow." The Boss continues, "It's my way of rewarding all of you for your performance this quarter." Dilbert replies, "We hate doing things together at night." The Boss says, "I wasn't happy with your performance."
Dilbert stands next to an overhead projector. Dilbert puts a transparency on the projector and says, "Please excuse the artwork in this next diagram." Various people in the background say, "What's that? It looks like Elvis's face on a credenza! Ha ha ha! Or is it a Rorschach test??! Ha ha ha!" Dilbert says, "And in conclusion, I hate you all."
The foreman of the jury reads a document and says, "The jury has reached a decision in the case of 'Dogbert vs. A Big Corporation.'" The man continues, "We award Dogbert fifty million dollars because we hate big companies and we like little dogs with glasses." The man continues, "And we award a Maytag dryer to juror Mindy for being 'Best Dressed.'" The judge covers his eyes and thinks, "I hate my life."
Dilbert sits at his desk. The Boss says, "I'm sending you to our plant in Elbonia. I want you to teach them 'quality.'" The Boss continues, "I selected you because you've been there and you know their language." Dilbert replies, "They speak English." The Boss says, "Oh, then I guess it's because I hate you."