Search Results for "obliviousness"
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Character
Thursday March 22,
2018
Unplugged Server
Tags #server, #obliviousness, #cell phone, #phone, #charging, #technology
Transcript
Dilbert: The network has been down all morning, but we found the problem. Some idiot unplugged the server so he could charge his phone. So, that problem has been solved. Boss: Great. Now can you help me find my lost phone?
Friday April 06,
2018
Elbonian Interference
Tags #hacker, #hacking, #trolls, #protest, #counter-protest, #obliviousness, #manipulation
Transcript
Dilbert: Uh-oh. I think we are being attacked by an Elbonian troll farm. They're organizing an employee protest against management and... a management counter-protest against employees. Luckily, no one here is stupid enough to... Boss: Down with employees!
Thursday May 03,
2018
Customers Work For Free
Tags #test, #big business, #money, #savings, #obliviousness
Transcript
Alice: Did anyone test our user interface before we shipped it? Boss: No, our customers will tell us what they don't like about it. And they work for free. Alice: That isn't right. Boss: That's what our customers say, too, and unlike you, they work for free.
Wednesday May 09,
2018
Our Api
Tags #hackers, #hacking, #api, #jargon, #obliviousness, #language
Transcript
Narrator: Dogbert The Reporter. Dogbert: How did hackers get access to your customer data? CEO: I'm told they used something called "our A.P.I." to suck out all the data. Dogbert: I'll just say you'er stupid. CEO: Why does everyone always say that?
Wednesday May 16,
2018
Facial Recognition Software
Tags #facial recognition, #stupid, #insult, #obliviousness, #prototype, #intelligence
Transcript
Dilbert: I'm designing a device that uses facial recognition to detect stupidity. I need your help creating the pattern-recognition algorithm. Boss: What do you need me to do? Dilbert: Look straight ahead and smile.
Monday May 28,
2018
Wifi In Slide Deck
Tags #credibility, #typo, #spelling, #assumption, #ignorance, #obliviousness
Transcript
CEO: I can't take you seriously because there's a typo in your slide deck. You've lost all credibility because of your sloppy presentation. And don't mention my wife in your slide deck. Dilbert: That's "wi-fi."
Sunday June 17,
2018
Tags #criticism, #jargon, #misunderstanding, #genius, #obliviousness
Transcript
Boss: Your slide deck is okay-ish. But can you make it more aspirational? Dilbert: It's just a software upgrade. Boss: Yes, yes. But I want the audience to feel it. Dilbert: They can feel the handouts. Boss: It's like you're not even trying to understand! Genius is often misunderstood. Dilbert: Do you know what else is misunderstood? Boss: Super-genius?
Tuesday June 05,
2018
Boiling An Ocean
Tags #compliment, #backhanded compliment, #insult, #obliviousness
Transcript
Dilbert: I told our boss his presentation had a low signal-to-noise ratio and he thought it was a compliment. Wally: I think you just invented my new favorite game. Working for you is like boiling an ocean. Boss: Thank you!
Wednesday June 06,
2018
Decentralization Changes Everything
Tags #bitcoin, #ethereum project, #decentralization, #currency, #money, #economics, #blockchain, #obliviousness, #jargon, #lingo
Transcript
Boss: Decentralization will change everything. Dilbert: Such as? Boss: Well... for example, um... the bitcoin and the Ethereum. Alice: Did you recently read an article? Boss: Some of it.
Tuesday June 19,
2018
Negotiating Expert
Tags #consultant, #negotiation, #training, #irony, #obliviousness, #business
Transcript
Boss: I hired a consultant to teach us how to negotiate. Normally, he charges triple the market rate, but I talked him down to double. Wally: Where is he? Boss: He said he's teaching us what happens when there's no performance clause in a contract.