Payment Technology Comic Strips - Page 11

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View 101 - 110 results for payment technology comic strips. Discover the best "Payment Technology" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #battery technology, #question motives, #transformation, #lying, #avoid work, #manual labor

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Dilbert says to a female co-worker, "No known battery technology can handle this load and be this size." The female co-worker folds her arms as Dilbert says, "That's not what you wanted to hear." The female co-worker grimaces as Dilbert says, "So your mind will erase what I said..." Dilbert continues, "... And replace the memory with something totally ridiculous so you can question my motives." The female co-worker grunts, "Gaah!" Dilbert thinks, "The transformation is complete." The female co-worker exclaims, "How can you say there's no such thing as a battery?!" The female co-worker berates Dilbert, "You're lying to avoid work! I'm going to talk to your boss!" Dilbert says to Dogbert, "Lately, the only thing keeping me from being a serial killer is my distaste for manual labor." Dogbert says, "You're preaching to the choir."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #advertise, #dogberts, #magazine, #piece of junk, #stand on head, #subscribe, #ten page ad, #totally objective review, #technology magazine

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Dogbert says to The Boss, "I'm a reporter for 'Dogbert's Technology Magazine'." Dogbert says to The Boss, "I'm writing a totally objective review of your newest product." Dogbert says to The Boss, "First question: Will you advertise in my magazine or is your new product a piece of junk?" The Boss says, "Um... We'll advertise." Dogbert continues, "Will it be a multi-page ad or is your new product a piece of junk?" The Boss says, "It'll be a ten-page ad!" Dogbert says to The Boss, "Can you stand on your head for an hour or is your new product a piece of junk?" As The Boss stands on his head, Dogbert says, "Would you like to subscribe to my magazine? It's ten pages of ads."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #mapped genome, #hr dept, #had resources, #pencil, #technology, #predictions from genes, #genome, #dna, #work perfromance, #traits, #violation of rights

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Catbert approaches Wally and says, "I mapped your genome Wally." Wally replies, "I didn't know the human resources department had that technology." Catbert responds, "I used a pencil." Wally says to Catbert, "Your genes predict that you will be a bitter, lazy, caucasian guy with six hairs and poor vision." Catbert answers, "You'll hate cubicles, measurable objectives, and cats who map your genome." Wally says to Catbert, "This is a violation of my right to privacy! I'll fight it all the way to the Supreme Court." Catbert responds, "No, according to my map, you'll lose interest and fall asleep." Catbert says to Wally as he sleeps, "I wonder if this technology will ever fall into the wrong hands."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dating, #organic parts, #cyborg technology, #robot, #relationships

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Dating in 2018 Woman: Your organic parts are unimpressive. But, wow, your cyborg technology is scorching hot. Dilbert: I knew my day would come. Woman: I want to make a robot with you.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #inventions, #mad scientists, #marketing dept, #mice, #one evil genius, #pathways, #rewire, #ontogenetic technology

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Boss: We replaced our entire marketing department with one evil genius. Evil Genius: My optogenic* technology can re-wire the neural pathways of our customers and change their preferences. You like gray. Asok: I like to be gay. *Already works on mice.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #competition (psychology), #thinking, #ceos technology challenge, #innovative ideas, #fresh water, #elbonia, #award winning ideas, #water in a box

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CEO: I'm proud to announce the winner in the CEO's technology challenge. Two weeks ago, I challenged you to come up with innovative ideas for getting fresh water to Elbonia. The winner is someone named Wally. Wally's idea for bringing fresh water to Elbonia is... "in a box." That's the best one? Boss: We only had one entry. CEO: I hate your bald guts. Wally: I get that a lot. If you need me, I'll be in my cubicle thinking up award-winning ideas.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #public speaking, #slides tell a story, #status of project, #clown, #broken watch, #eagle, #technology, #old shoe, #storm drain, #pie chart, #dcitionary, #images, #offcie, #cubicle

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Boss: Experts say your slides should tell a story in pictures. Start with an image that captures the status of your project. Dilbert: How about this image of a clown with a broken watch? Boss: I was thinking eagle. Dilbert: Fine. Eagle. Boss: Now find an image that shows our technology strategy. Dilbert: How about this image of an old show in a storm drain? Boss: I was thinking pie chart. Dilbert: Fine. Boss: Now for the words. Dilbert: How about this image of a dictionary?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #public speaking, #powerpoint, #technology, #competition, #industry, #one slide, #presentation, #meeting, #investors, #business

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Boss: I need you to make a PowerPoint deck for my meeting with investors. I'll be telling them everything I know about technology, competition, and the industry. Dilbert: So... just the one slide? Boss: Huh? Dilbert: How big do these fonts go?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #art education, #engineers, #inventions, #humans do cretaive, #robots, #technology work, #liberal arts majors, #origami, #game

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Robot: Someday robots will do all of the technology work and humans will only do creative jobs. If you engineers work hard, someday the spoils will go to the liberal arts majors who partied while you studied. I hear good things about origami. It's not too late to get into that game.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #banquets, #senior vice president, #technology awards banquet

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Boss: I have you seated next to our senior vice president at the technology awards banquet. Dilbert: Because you hate me? Boss: No, it's because I hate him. Dilbert: This is making me very unhappy. Boss: Don't peak too soon. Wait for the banquet.