Raise Target Comic Strips - Page 11

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222 Results for Raise Target

View 101 - 110 results for raise target comic strips. Discover the best "Raise Target" comics from Dilbert.com.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags miserliness, wages, good work, saves billons, no raise, personal item, on desk, insoubordination, abuse of power, boss, money

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Boss: Alice, your good work has saved the company over a billion dollars. But I can't give you a raise because you once had a personal item on your desk. Alice: How are those things equal?!! Boss: And here comes the insubordination.

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marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags hypocrisy, managers & supervisors, wages, world records set, best employee, job performance, no raise, drug enhancing drugs, injected against will, leadership, business, money

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Boss: You've set several world records for best employee job performance. But I can't give you a raise because you used job performance enhancing drugs. Dilbert: You injected me against my will. Boss: It would be leadership if you wanted to do it.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags deception, work ethic, huge losses, stock up, big raise, similar system, lowering expectations, employee of the year, job perfromance

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Wally: We announced huge losses, but analysts thought it would be even worse, so our stock went up. I'm using a similar system to get a big raise. For years I've been lowering everyone's expectations of my performance. Next I'll... I made a phone call today. Boss: Employee of the year!

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags venture capitalists, reputation of the angel, angel investors, skill of engineers, huge raise, big chicken

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Dilbert: Do you know what venture capitalists care about when they make investment decisions? They care about the reputation of the angel investors who already put money in. DO you know what the angel investors care about? They care about the skill of the engineers. Therefore, you should give me a huge raise or else I'll quit and do my own start -up. BOSS: GO ahead you big chicken. Your going to die poor! HAHAHA!! Dilbert: That was harsh. Boss: and yet you didn't resign . any more questions?

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags executives, ceos, raise, asking for a raise, compensation, money, wages, comparison, wage discrepancy, mansion

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Boss: I can only give you a 3% raise. If you want more, take it up with our CEO. Dilbert: I'd like to explain why I deserve more than a 3% raise. As a negotiating strategy, Dogbert will simultaneously read a media report about your lavish $85 million mansion. I invented three new technologies this year. Dogbert: "The toilets are solid gold." Dilbert: I wrote most of the code for our new product. Dogbert: "The helicopter pad is on the roof of the car museum." Dilbert: I worked eighty hours per week. Dogbert: "Every elevator has a full kitchen." Dilbert: I could earn more at Google or Apple... Dogbert: "Entire house rotates for optimal sun exposure." Dilbert: Do you see where I'm going with this? CEO: High-five?

Dilbert's Project Is Late

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Dilbert's Project Is Late - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags raise, wages, money, salary, catch-22, anger, frustration, labor, review

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Boss: I can't give you a raise because you didn't finish your project on time. Dilbert: That's because you make me work on your personal project half of every day. Boss: You have to learn to say no. Dilbert: I've never wanted to kill you more than right now.

Boss Is Bad Negotiator

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Boss Is Bad Negotiator - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags haggle, money, negotation, negotiating, raise, salary, trick, eric scott

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Asok: I just learned that our boss is a bad negotiator. Wally: How bad? Asok: I just negotiated a 3.3-million-dollar raise for myself. And I want 80 percent of the raises you two get because I told you. Dilbert and Wally: 75 percent is our final offer!

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags wages, cost of living, raise, money, rent, apartment, roommate, space

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Asok: I need a raise because the cost of living around here is too high. Boss: Stop being greedy. I pay you plenty. Asok: I can't even afford to rent an apartment. Boss: Get some roommates. Asok: I can't afford that either. I've been sleeping on a baby changing table in a public restroom. And the janitor has been charging me $3,000 per month for that. Boss: How wide is the baby changing table? Asok: Not wide enough for a roommate. Boss: Well, I'm out of ideas.

Virus Gives Everyone A Raise

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Virus Gives Everyone A Raise - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags virus, infection, computer, malware, morals, salary, technology, money

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Boss: The Elbonian virus in our network just gave ever employee an ten percent raise. You have to get rid of the virus! Dilbert: If the Elbonian software is giving me a raise, and you're trying to sop it, wouldn't that make you the virus?

Money Can't Buy Happiness

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Money Can't Buy Happiness - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags happiness, work, motivation, meaning, money, raise, wages, excuses, psychology

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Dilbert: I want a raise. Boss: Money can't buy happiness. Dilbert: Then why do people work? Boss: To avoid unhappiness. Dilbert: What's my best-case scenario here? Boss: I'll motivate you toward a neutral, zombie-like existence.