Ruined Career Comic Strips - Page 11

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187 Results for Ruined Career

View 101 - 110 results for ruined career comic strips. Discover the best "Ruined Career" comics from Dilbert.com.

Idiots Don't Know They Are Idiots

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Idiots Don't Know They Are Idiots - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 25, 2018's comic on:


Tags #the boss, #alice, #ted talk, #idiots, #dumb, #career, #change, #smart, #possible, #speak

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The Boss: I watched a Ted talk yesterday about how idiots don't know they are dumb. Alice: For the sake of my career, I hope you change the subject as soon as possible. The Boss: Did you know idiots believe they are smart? Alice: Must... Not... Speak...

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 25, 2018's comic on:


Tags #career, #employees, #office, #office workers, #training, #trick, #sabatoge

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Boss: Wally will train you for your new job. You'll need to figure out how much of what he says is real training and how much is career sabotage. Man: Career sabotage? Boss: Employees don't like competition. Only the top 20% get bonuses. They'll do what they can to keep you out of that group. Man: I assume you're exaggerating. Boss: You'll see. Wally: Has anyone told you about no-pants Fridays?

Thankless Tasks

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Thankless Tasks - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 22, 2019's comic on:


Tags #career, #employment, #jobs, #managers & supervisors, #optimism

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Man: My career goal is to have a job with greater recognition, autonomy, and a sense of purpose. Boss: We'll miss you. Man: I was hoping to get that stuff here. Boss: We're more about thankless tasks.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 30, 2011's comic on:


Tags #deception, #hypocrisy, #open door policy, #suggestions, #not importnat, #extra work

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Boss: Thanks for the suggestion, Asok. I'm going to ignore it because you're not important to my career and I don't like doing extra work. Asok: I'm confused. Why do you have an open-door policy? Boss: How can you leave if the door isn't open?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 13, 2011's comic on:


Tags #despair, #meetings, #six variables, #4 imbeciles, #brilliant engineer, #complexity algorithm, #rational deciosn, #brilliant career

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Dilbert: Okay, this next decision involves six variables, four imbeciles, and one brilliant engineer. According to the Dogbert complexity algorithm, it is impossible to make a rational decision in this situation. All in favor of giving up? Boss: I found out I'm a brilliant engineer.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 07, 2012's comic on:


Tags #interviewed users, #suggestions, #idiots, #dumb suggestions, #hindsight

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Dilbert: We interviewed hundreds of users and turned all of their suggestions into features. As it turns out, every user we talked to was an idiot, and their dumb suggestions ruined our product. In hindsight, we probably should have talked to people who work outside this building.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 31, 1989's comic on:


Tags #walls laundry

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Dilbert walks into Wally's Laundry. The person behind the counter says, "We accidentally ruined your shirts - so we added a little glue and wrapped them around a stick." Dilbert arrives at home carrying a shirt wrapped around a stick. Dogbert says, "Granted, it was good initiative, but in my view, it was not a tipping situation."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 21, 1993's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #class, #career, #engineering, #careers, #cubicle, #restroom, #lower, #electromagnetic fields, #office, #equipment, #killing

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Dilbert says to a classroom of young students, "Engineering is one of the best careers available." Dilbert continues, "For the next twenty years I'll sit in a big box called a cubicle. It's like a restroom stall but with lower walls." Dilbert continues, "I spend most of my time hoping the electromagnetic fields from my office equipment aren't killing me." The children look horrified.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 22, 1993's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #class, #career, #social, #life, #engineer, #bonanza, #ladies, #field, #video games, #devices, #non-engineer

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Dilbert stands in front of a classroom of children saying, "And don't forget the social life that comes with being an engineer." Dilbert continues, "Ninety percent of all engineers are guys, so it's a bonanza of dating opportunities for the ladies who enter the field." Dilbert continues, "For the men, there are these little video game devices . . ." A little girl raises her hand and asks, "Would I be allowed to date a non-engineer?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 23, 1993's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #class, #career, #options, #engineer, #retire, #major, #catastrophe, #consultants, #project, #teams, #real, #crush, #marketing, #donuts

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Dilbert says to a classroom of children, "The goal of every engineer is to retire without getting blamed for a major catastrophe." Dilbert continues, "Engineers prefer to work as 'consultants' on project teams. That way there's no real work, blame is spread across the group, and you can crush any idea from marketing!" Dilbert continues, ". . . And sometimes you get free donuts just for showing up!" The teacher says, "Get out of my classroom."