"Every project you worked on this year got canceled after the reorganization." "It's as if you didn't even exist." "That's not entirely true." "For example, I occupied space." "I'd like to see someone who doesn't exist do that." "A dead person can occupy space." "But a dead person exists." "I won the argument, but it was a hollow victory."
The boss: "Our next project is building a private shuttle to the moon."
"Now if you make any mistakes, innocent tourists will perish in the vacuum of space."
Dilbert: "We need to work on our rationalizations."
Wally: "Is anyone really 'innocent'?"
HECK
were out of space boss.
we've had a big upswing in people who use cell phone is bathrooms.
Dang, Ive got a new guy coming in today, where will I put him?
Maybe you could ask your brother,,,
HMM...
The boss: well, I suppose you could put hum in a cubicle.
his crime wasn't that heinous,
well, if you blind fold him, he won't know he's in a cubicle.
so then I find pout its not okay to eat carbs.
Dilbert: My experiment proves our reality is a computer program created by aliens. What kind of jerks would yank us around like this? Alien Dilbert: Well, that was gonna happen... Meanwhile on Planet Epsilon-9...
CEO: I want to be more visionary than Elon Musk. All he does is build spaceships and electric cars. I want you to build me an electric rocket ship full of robots that can colonize other worlds. Which planet should we do first? Dilbert: Depends how long the power cord is.
Coworker: The reason we keep having conflicts is because of our personality types. You're an impulsive, dominant personality and I am more of a... Alice: Useless waste of space? Coworker: I was going to say I'm a reserved, introspective, people-pleaser. One personality type is not better than the another. We just see things differently. Alice: How do you explain the fact that I have never had a conflict with anyone who is competent. Coworker: Give me a minute to reflect on that. Alice: Let me know when you're done believing in magic.
Dilbert: According to Einstein, time flows more slowly in meetings than it does in empty space. That's because people are dense. Boss: Is that true? Alice: For you it is.
Ted: I think you know something about my project and your boss told you to keep quiet. Ha! You just confirmed it by avoiding eye contact! Dilbert: Maybe you could get your own stall? Ted: Why? What do you have to hide?
Wally: Our new nickname for you is based on the work of Stephen Hawking. Hawking is one of the greatest scientific minds of our time. Boss: I like it! Dilbert: I need him to make a decision today. Carol: Toss it in the black hole.
Boss: I need volunteers to go to Mars in the spaceship we're building. Dilbert: Ask Ted. He's dispensable because he's a terrible engineer. Boss: Ted designed the spaceship. Dilbert: Karma will sort that all out.
