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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 11, 2015's comic on:


Tags #coaching, #deception, #laziness, #mentor, #mentoring, #strategy, #work ethic, #taper, #key to winning, #new job, #long hours, #good first impression, #taker off, #working smarter

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Wally: Asok, the key to winning at your job is the taper. Asok: Taper? Wally: At the start of any new job, you want to put in long hours and create a good first impression. Then you should start to gradually taper off your effort. But be sure you taper slowly. You don't want to be obvious. Boss: Wally, is it my imagination, or are you working slightly less every day? Wally: It only looks that way because I'm working smarter, not harder. Just the way you taught me. Boss: Okay, that sounds right. Wally: Always keep that round in the chamber. Asok: You scare me, but in a good way.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 15, 2015's comic on:


Tags #ceos, #executives, #leadership, #threat, #internet, #ruin journalist, #off the record, #reporters, #bar conversation, #negative article, #criminally insane, #brillaunet writer, #venn diagram, #technology

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Dilbert: There's a bad story about you on the Internet. Apparently, you described a plan to "ruin any journalist who writes an unfair story" about us. CEO: That was off the record! Dilbert: You said it in front of a dozen reporters at a business event. CEO: It was just bar conversation. I was making a point about fairness. Dilbert: Hmmm... but now no sane writer would write a negative article about us. I can't tell if you're a brilliant leader or criminally insane. CEO: I'd show you the Venn diagram they gave us in CEO school, but it just looks like a circle.

Alice's Off Color Jokes

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Alice's Off Color Jokes - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 09, 2015's comic on:


Tags #joke, #jokes, #joking, #assume, #assumptions, #offensive

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Tina: I'm uncomfortable with the off-color jokes I keep hearing in the engineering department. Boss: I'll talk to the guys and tell them to knock it off. Tina: Guys? Alice: Stop being babies. My jokes do not hurt your ears! Dilbert and Asok: It burns!

Dilbert Acts Like An Animal

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Dilbert Acts Like An Animal - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 01, 2015's comic on:


Tags #off the grid, #bored, #boredom, #distraction, #Entertainment, #animals, #nature, #stimulation

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Dilbert Goes Off The Grid. Dilbert: The boredom is giving me the shakes. Animals are never bored. I'll just do what animals do. Well, possum doesn't work

Dilbert Eats A Berry

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Dilbert Eats A Berry - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 02, 2015's comic on:


Tags #google, #internet, #off the grid, #question, #query, #allergy, #berry, #reaction, #swelling, #anaphylaxis, #technology

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Dilbert goes off the grid: minute three. Dilbert: I wish I could Google this berry before eating it. What's the worst that could happen? Wow. This is a very specific answer to my question.

Dilbert Chooses Life

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Dilbert Chooses Life - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 03, 2015's comic on:


Tags #off the grid, #emergency, #hiding, #help, #cell phone, #service, #connection, #nature, #allergy, #reaction, #decision, #technology

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Dilbert: My hiding strategy of going off the grid was working until I ate that berry. If I call for help, the government will find me. If I don't I will die. I choose life! Phone: No service.

Boss Falls Off Bridge

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Boss Falls Off Bridge - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 25, 2015's comic on:


Tags #walking, #meeting, #meetings, #accident, #difficult, #gimmick, #manager, #idea, #ideas, #distraction, #Sports, #business

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Boss: My new thing is taking long walks instead of having meetings. Wow. It is hard to walk, read, think, talk, and drink coffee at the same time. Dilbert: He fell off a bridge. Carol: That's why I schedule walking meetings for him.

Wally Asks About Bereavement Leave

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Wally Asks About Bereavement Leave - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 25, 2016's comic on:


Tags #laziness, #bereavement, #deception, #time off

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Wally: Does the company offer bereavement leave? Boss: Yes. Wally: Good, because I have hundreds of cousins that don't 'take care of themselves. Cousin Ronnie just fell off a shed.

Days Off Versus More Pay

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Days Off Versus More Pay - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 04, 2017's comic on:


Tags #catch-22, #wages, #trick question, #vacation, #compensation, #money

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Boss: Would you rather have more days off or more pay? Alice: Days off. Dilbert: Days off. Wally: Days off. Boss: You were right-- we're paying them too much.

App For Jumping Off The Roof

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App For Jumping Off The Roof  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 03, 2017's comic on:


Tags #mind control, #technology, #invention, #suicide, #murder, #legal issues, #reasonable doubt

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Dilbert: Maybe we should remove the neural interface so his natural brain works again. Alice: Or... and this is just a thought-- we could create an app that makes him jump off the roof. Dilbert: Would that be murder or suicide? Alice: All we need is reasonable doubt.