Stress Ball Comic Strips - Page 11
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View 101 - 110 results for stress ball comic strips. Discover the best "Stress Ball" comics from Dilbert.com.
"Alice, you need to use up your vacation days before the end of the year." "You told me I had to finish my project before the end of the year." "I have 19 vacation days to use and there are 19 work days left in the year." "That leaves zero days to do 19 days worth of work." "You could work on weekends and use weekdays for vacation." "Why the @#$% would I do that?!!" "Because vacations reduce your stress. Duh." "You'd think that would be obvious." "AAIEEE!!!" PUNCH!!!
Tags #punish me, #manage annual business plan, #beg co workers, #information, #budget needs, #lies, #ignore you, #underscoring unimportance, #combine lies and guesses, #ballof data, #senior mangement, #budget decions, #magazine articles
Asok is in the bosses office. Asok says, "Did you call me here to punish me?" The boss is sitting behind his desk. The boss says, "No, no, Asok. I want you to manage our annual business plan process." Asok says, "How so I do that?" The boss says, "First, you beg your co-workers for information about their budget needs." With a close-up on Asok, the boss continues off-frame "Half of them will give you lies. The other half will ignore you. Thus underscoring your unimportance." The boss continues, "Then you'll combine the lies and guesses into a worthless ball of data for senior management." Asok faces the boss as the boss says, "Then our CEO will make budget decisions based on magazine articles." Dilbert asks Asok, "How bad was the punishment?" Asok says, "Worse than I expected."
Boss: Studies say willpower is finite. If you use it for one thing, you have less for another. So if it feels hard to work long hours, without any reward, try eating cake for lunch. Wally: How'd your coaching session go? Dilbert: For once, it wasn't all bad.
Dilbert: I took your advice to start overeating so I could save all of my willpower for work. The only downside is a twenty-year reduction in my life expectancy. Boss: Are you okay with that? Dilbert: Who would want twenty extra years of my life?
Dilbert: This is Alice. You need to know two things about her. When she feels stressed-out she gets angry. Alice: Tell him the second thing! Dilbert: She's always stressed-out.
Boss: Our experiment with flattened organization failed. I'm your boss again. Dilbert: I think our best pay here is to beat each other to death with our coffee mugs. Boss: No one said the transition would be smooth. Dilbert: Make the first one count.
Boss: I hired a consultant from the respected firm Booz Muhkidney. Consultant: My life is a nightmare of business travel, loneliness, and sleep deprivation. I'm only 25 years old! Boss: It's a travel day. He'll calm down after he drinks lunch.
Consultant: All I do is travel, work, and eat unhealthy food. I'm a total failure at managing my own life, and yet people hire me for business advice. I haven't slept since October. Dilbert: I was told there would be PowerPoint slides. Consultant from Booze Muhkidney