Witty Side Comment Comic Strips - Page 11

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191 Results for Witty Side Comment

View 101 - 110 results for witty side comment comic strips. Discover the best "Witty Side Comment" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 03, 1998's comic on:


Tags #evil, #Catbert, #hr director, #temporary employee, #asks employee, #want fulltime status, #orientation program

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Catbert sits at a desk. A man sits on the other side. Catbert says, "You've been a great temporary employee. Would you like to be a permanent one?" The man says, "Yes!" Catbert says, "Ha ha ha!!! You simple fool!!!" The man says, "What was that?" Catbert, "That was your employee orientation program."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 02, 1998's comic on:


Tags #%#*!!*, #asoks ears, #curse at work, #ears fell off, #like to curse, #vulgarity, #warm up

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Ann sits in a meeting with Dilbert and Wally. Ann says, "I must warn you, I'm one of those women who like to curse at work." Ann turns to Asok and screams several obscenities. Asok's tie and hair fly back in a stiff wind. Ann says, "That was my warm up." Asok says, "My ears fell off!!" Asok looks at the conference table where an ear lays on other side of his paper.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 26, 1998's comic on:


Tags #job counseling, #disguise fact, #moron, #knowledge mangement, #optimization intiatives, #key learnings

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Caption: "Job Counseling" Dogbert sits at his desk, tail wagging. A moron stands on the other side. Dogbert says, "We'll need to disguise the fact that you're a moron." Dogbert says, "Ironically, the best way is to become an expert in something called "knowledge management." The moron's hair, shirt and tie are messy. The moron's eyes are vacant. The moron sits in a metting next to the Boss. The moron says, "We must develop knowledge optimization initiatives to leverage our key learnings." The Boss thinks, "Smart."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 03, 1995's comic on:


Tags #alice, #janitor, #over time pay, #75k per year, #basment, #reading magazines, #fishing, #engineer, #no over time, #Sports, #engineering

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Alice sits at her desk. The janitor stands in her cubicle door and says, "Working late again, huh, Alice?" Alice says, "Seventy hours this week . . ." The janitor replies, "Me too. Thank goodness for overtime pay!" Alice looks shocked and asks, "Overtime pay?" The janitor says, "Allow me to explain." The janitor draws a graph and says, "Unlike you so-called 'exempt' employees, my income increases if I work additional hours." The janitor continues, "I'm pulling in seventy-five thousand a year. And half the time I just hide in the basement reading 'Fishing' magazine." The janitor continues, "The only down side is that I don't get to enjoy the intellectual stimulation of my co-workers the way you do." The janitor sits in the basement reading a magazine. He thinks, "I don't know what I like better - deep sea fishing or cubicle fishing."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 21, 1996's comic on:


Tags #most diabolical work, #director, #human resources, #play, #hundreds employees, #evil mister, #strap a broom, #buttocks, #marketing, #more meetings, #five minutes, #business

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Catbert stands at his desk. He says, "Hee hee! This is my most diabolical work yet as director of human resources." Catbert continues, "Thanks to e-mail I can play with hundreds of employees at once!" Dilbert sits at his desk thinking, "Uh-oh . . . A message from the evil Mister Catbert." The message says, "In order to reduce our janitorial expenses . . ." Alice thinks, "That's a phrase you don't want to see." Wally reads, "Every engineer will be required to strap a broom to his or her . . ." Wally walks down the hall with a broom attached to his back. Wally and Dilbert stand outside a conference room. Wally says to Dilbert, "On the positive side, marketing invites us to a lot more meetings now." A man inside the room says, "Five minutes; we're still eating cookies."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 08, 1996's comic on:


Tags #pointy haired boss, #speakerphone, #important engineer training, #talks back to speakerphone, #boss heard insults

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Dilbert, Alice, Wally and Asok sit at a conference table. Dilbert says, "Our pointy-haired boss will be joining us by speakerphone." Alice tells Asok, "This is an important part of your engineering trainig, Asok." Asok asks, "What do I do?" Wally explains, "When Alice presses the mute button, you make witty and sarcastic remarks." The phone rings. The Boss says, "Hello, everyone. I'd like to talk about the new compensation plan." Alice presses a button and points to Asok. Asok says, "Tell us some lies, you ugly, two-faced, hypocritical troll!" Asok continues, "I am Asok the Intern and I spit on your feeble compensation plan!" Asok continues, "I've found stuff on the bottom of my shoe that was smarter than you!!" He laughs. Dilbert and Asok walk out of the conference room. Dilbert says, "Next time, a bit wittier . . . And make sure Alice really presses the mute button."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 26, 1997's comic on:


Tags #moms birthday, #wants nothing, #home entertainment theater, #50 inch screen, #surround sound, #satellite link, #toaster oven

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Dilbert and his mother stand in the kitchen. Dilbert asks, "What do you want for your birthday this year, Mom?" Dilbert's mother replies, "Oh, nothing. I have everything I need." Dilbert says, "Oh, c'mon. There must be something you want." His mother replies, "Well, one thing, but it's silly." They sit in chairs. Dilbert says, "You just name it." His mom replies, "Okay." Dilbert's mother says, "I'd like a home entertainment theatre with a fifty-inch screen, 'Thx' Surround Sound and a 600 KBPS satellite link to the Net so I can view adult pictures during the commercials." Dilbert replies, "I was thinking more along the lines of a new toaster oven." Dilbert's mother says, "Oh, that's exciting. I'll put it next to my other one and watch them fight it out." Dilbert says, "There's a real dark side to the information age." Dilbert's mother says, "Oh, and about the gift of life I gave you; you're welcome."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 23, 1997's comic on:


Tags #dread, #staff meeting, #describe accomplishments, #amazing success, #wally ville, #ass fell asleep

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The Boss, Wally, Dilbert and Alice sit at a conference table. The Boss thinks, "I dread this part of the staff meeting." The Boss says, "Let's go around the table and describe our accomplishments for the week. Wally?" Wally replies, "It was another week of amazing success in Wallyville." Wally continues, "On Monday I realized my left bun had fallen asleep." Wally continues, "I was shocked. The 'Boys' had always worked as a team before." Wally leans to the side and continues, "Thinking quickly, I shifted my weight to my right bun and hoped for the best." Alice says, "That's your left side, not your right." Wally replies, "That's the other thing; apparently the boys switched sides sometime during the night." The Boss covers his face with his hands.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 24, 1997's comic on:


Tags #employee communications survey, #negative news, #come to insult, #communication problems

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A consultant is giving a presentation using an overhead projector. He holds a transparency and says, "We have the results of the employee communications survey." The projection shows a skull and cross bones and says Negative News. He says, "The number one problem is "Fear of Giving Negative News to Managers." The Boss sits next to Dilbert and says, "What?! Why haven't I heard this before?" The consultant says, "Well, maybe because it's negative news?" The Boss says, "Do you have a solution or did you just come to insult me?" Dilbert and Wally both think, "Don't get involved." The consultant says, "Ooh. Um... maybe if we wait a few days it will take care of itself." The Boss says, "Fine. Next." The consultant smiles nervously and says, "Happily, there are no other communication problems whatsoever. Heh, heh." The Boss turns to Dilbert and says,"I wonder why so many problems go away on their own." Dilbert says, "I have no comment at this time."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 05, 1998's comic on:


Tags #variance im depreciation, #four hour meeting, #stale dount, #nothing to report, #wasted donut, #threw donut, #meeting, #everyone alseep, #business

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A presenter says, ".. Now let's look at our year-to-date variance in depreciation." Alice notices a sleeping co-worker on one side and thinks, "Only five minutes left of our four hour meeting." There is another sleeping co-worker on her other side. Alice thinks, "Uf he keeps droning, there won't be any time for my presentation." Alice thinks, "I spent a whole week preparing my presentation." Alice realizes, "Everyone else is already asleep." Alice plans, "My only hope is to stun the presenter with a stale donut." Presenter points to a chart and says, "As you can see, there's nothing to report." A donut heads for the back of the presenter's head." Alice thinks, "I wasted a donut." Everyone around her is sleeping.