You're Hire Comic Strips - Page 11

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

176 Results for You're Hire

View 101 - 110 results for you're hire comic strips. Discover the best "You're Hire" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 12, 1999's comic on:


Tags #new employees, #sophie, #engineer, #incompetent husband, #agree to relocate, #talent, #addition, #squirrel heads, #engineering

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss pokes his head into Dilbert's cubicle and says to Dilbert: "Dilbert, come meet the two new employees." The boss introduces Dilbert to the new employee and they both extend their hands to shake. The boss says: "This is Sophie, one of the best engineers in the business." Dilbert thinks: "the drawing of a heart" The boss points to the other new employee and says: "The other one is her imcompetent husband." The boss stands between the two new employess and says: "We had to hire him so Sophie would agree to relocate." The husband says to the boss: "Are you saying I didn't get hired for my talent." Sophie says to her husband: "You don't have any talent, honey" The husband answers: "Oh, that's right." The boss stands with his back to the husband and says to Dilbert: "Dilbert, your job is to do his job in addition to your own." Dilbert is sitting at his computer with Sophie's husband to his side. The husband says: "Do you want to see my collection of squirrel heads?"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 18, 2005's comic on:


Tags #raises, #salary band, #205 higher, #raises capped, #supervisor

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: "I'd like to promote you, but the lowest salary band for the next level is 20% higher than your current pay." "Raises are capped at 5%, so there's no way to give you the promotion." "So I plan to hire someone from the outside that you can train to be your supervisor."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 25, 2005's comic on:


Tags #evil director, #expect raises, #bad ratings, #reflect poorly, #ability to motivate, #useless people, #feel bad

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources. Catbert: "Don't rate any employees "excellent" because then they'd deserve raises." "Don't give any bad ratings either because it would reflect poorly on your ability to hire and motivate people." The boss: "How will I make the useless people feel bad if I'm rating them "good"?" Catbert: "Try using this scowl."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 19, 2005's comic on:


Tags #elbonians, #demanding bribes, #overpaid consultants, #legal, #won't get caught

View Transcript

Transcript

"The Elbonians are demanding bribes, or else they won't do business with us." "Hire them as overpaid consultants and don't ask them for anything. That way, it's all legal." "And by legal you mean won't get caught?" "Po-tay-to, po-tah-to."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 08, 2005's comic on:


Tags #unpleasant parts, #free to concentrate, #do startegy

View Transcript

Transcript

"I'd like to hire someone to do all of the unpleasant parts of my job." "That way I'll be free to concentrate on strategy." "Fair enough." "Secondly, I'd like to hire someone to do strategy."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 09, 2005's comic on:


Tags #working 80 hours, #per wekk, #ground breaking, #starategies, #my underlings

View Transcript

Transcript

I'm working 80 hours per week and you hire someone to do your work??? "Leave him alone so he can think up groundbreaking strategies." "Such as?" "I changed your job title to 'My Underling's Underling.'"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 12, 2005's comic on:


Tags #board meeting, #outsourcing, #ceo job, #26 million, #elbonian ceo, #good guy, #consulting contract

View Transcript

Transcript

Board Meeting "I recommend outsourcing your CEO's job and saving the company $26 million per year." "For $4 per year you can hire an Elbonian CEO who is just as good as this guy." "Now do you understand why you should have renewed my consulting contract?"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 30, 2006's comic on:


Tags #best marketing expert, #resume, #nobel prize, #five olympic medals, #marketing biathlon

View Transcript

Transcript

"We need to hire the best marketing expert we can find." "Your resume says you've won the Nobel Prize in marketing, and five Olympic gold medals in the marketing biathlon." "What's a marketing biathlon?" "You ski up to people who won't buy your crap and you shoot them."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 12, 2006's comic on:


View Transcript

Transcript

"If you hire me as your lobbyist I will convince Switzerland to attack Elbonia." $ "When the war begins, your sales of Kevlar Lederhosen will skyrocket!" "It's not as bad as it sounds. Elbonians believe that if they die fighting a neutral country, their souls get candy."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 16, 2006's comic on:


View Transcript

Transcript

My new strategy is to hire passionate people instead of smart ones. "I curse the air conditioning system that blows such a cold wind!" "I can already feel our stock price going up."