Stretch First Comic Strips - Page 12
512 Results for Stretch First
View 111 - 120 results for stretch first comic strips. Discover the best "Stretch First" comics from Dilbert.com.
Share July 29, 2013's comic on:
Catbert: Your first test on the management fast track involves rescuing a plastic baby and a bag of money from a weasel. You must punch the weasel then catch the money and the baby before they reach the ground. I found our next CEO. Wally: Wait...say this instructions again.
Share July 25, 2013's comic on:
Catbert: You're the first employee in company history to fail the online ethics course. Wally: I protest the grading system! Ethics are subjective. There are no right answers! Catbert: You said you would kill a coworker if you knew you wouldn't get caught. Wally: It was hard to know what answer they were looking for.
Share June 09, 2013's comic on:
CEO: We need to have a bias for action. Don't let perfect be the enemy of good. Dilbert: So... a carpenter should saw the board first and measure it later? CEO: Your use of that folksy saying makes my strategy sound dumb. Alice: Why do you care if your strategy is perfect or not? Dilbert: You just said it's more important to spray your defective stuff on the universe than it is to get things right. CEO: "Spray my defective stuff?" Dilbert: Should I have waited for a perfect way to say that?
Share June 04, 2013's comic on:
Share June 03, 2013's comic on:
Dogbert: I brought a Nobel-winning economist to tell you why everything you say about fiscal policy is wrong. Economist: For starters, if you knew anything about economics you would have a beard. Dogbert: The first few minutes are mostly trash talk. Economist: Ha! You bathe daily, water-waster!
Share May 28, 2013's comic on:
Asok: I'm afraid to give Alice my opinion of her plan. Dilbert: What's the worst thing that could happen? Asok: She could rip off both of my arms and beat me to death with them. Then she could track down my family in India and kill them one by one. Is this your first time giving advice? Dilbert: I just figured out why no one ever asks for it.
Share March 14, 2013's comic on:
Dilbert: I got kicked out of a North Elbonian labor camp for working too hard. It was the first time I had ever experienced meaningful work and I got carried away. Boss: And your name is...? Dilbert: Seriously? I was gone for one week!
Share February 10, 2013's comic on:
Dilbert: I'm working at home today. It will be as if we're co-workers. Dogbert: Ugh. This madness must stop! You should check your Facebook page to see what's new. You should check Twitter. Dilbert: I'm almost finished with Facebook. Dogbert: Did you get my LinkedIn request? Dilbert: I'll check. Dogbert: I send you some links to funny websites. Dilbert: Cool! I just spent ten hours at my computer and I can't remember why I was sitting there in the first place. Dogbert: You were going to check your stocks. Dilbert: Okay. That sounds right. Two Hours Later. Two Hours Later. Two Hours Later.
Share January 05, 2013's comic on:
Boss: I need you to help prepare me for my meeting tomorrow. Write up some answers to the questions we could never anticipate. Dilbert: I wouldn't expect much out of my first draft.
Share December 30, 2012's comic on:
Dogbert: I finished ghostwriting your autobiography. CEO: "I was ridiculously lucky. The End." I was hoping you'd include something about all of my hard work. Dogbert: You didn't work any harder than your gardener, and he lives in his truck. CEO: What about my vision and intuition? Dogbert: My first draft had a chapter on your hallucinations and magical thinking. But I covered that ground with the title: "I'm A Delusional Sociopath And You Can Too." CEO: I'm starting to regret paying you in advance.