Falsify Report Comic Strips - Page 12

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View 111 - 120 results for falsify report comic strips. Discover the best "Falsify Report" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #iso 9000, #falsify documents, #comapliance, #liance, #fraud, #cheat, #lie, #steal, #boss

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Wally, the boss, and Dilbert are in a meeting. The boss says, "In addition to ISO 9000, we will strive to be QS-9000 compliant." The boss continues, "That means falsifying the following documents: QSR, APQP, FMEA, MSA, SPC, PPAP and QSA." "Remember, you can't spell compliance without "liance"..."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #posterior, #fat ass, #chair, #prnak, #lied boss, #like goldfish, #big charis, #big ass

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Alice stands in front of the Boss' desk and says, "My posterior is growing to fit the size of my chair." The Boss asks, "Is that possible?" Alice replies, "Posteriors are like goldfish. They grow to the limit of their environment." The Boss replies, "That's ridiculous. I have the biggest chair. That would mean..." Alice quickly says, "Forget I brought it up. Well, back to work." Wally and Dilbert stand looking over the wall of a cubicle. Alice walks by and Dilbert asks, "Mission report?" Alice replies, "Success." Alice rubs her hands together and says, "The glue on his chair should be set by now." The Boss walks down the hall with his desk chair stuck to him. He thinks, "I guess this is why goldfishes don't use chairs."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dogbert consults, #obvious generalities, #fees, #recommending

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Caption reads: "Dogbert consults." Dogbert sits at a table with the Boss. He passes a large binder to the Boss and says, "Here's my report full of obvious generalities." Dogbert continues, "My fee is $90,000." The Boss picks up the report and says, "What are you recommending?" Dogbert answers, "I recommend telling everyone it was free."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #strategic plan, #secret, #trust, #soabotage, #warranty, #chair

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Dilbert is in the boss' office. The boss says, "Make your report consistent with our strategic plan." Dilbert says, "What's out strategic plan?" The boss says, "It's a secret." Dilbert says, "Are you saying you don't trust me?" The boss says, "I don't think it's a coincidence that most employee sabotage is done by employees." Dilbert says, "How can I do my report if I don't know the strategy?! The boss says, "Okay, okay. I'll let you glance at it." The boss pulls a piece of paper out of his desk. The boss barely lets Dilbert see the paper. The boss says, "Time's up! That's long enough!" Dilbert says, "That's the warranty for your chair." The boss says, "Really? I've been managing to this for years."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #look like losers, #give numbers, #internal subterfuge, #eighty percent, #vp

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There are several papers on a table. The Boss says to Dilbert, "We can't show these numbers to our VP. They make us look like losers." The Boss says to Dilbert, "Find something we're doing well and give him those numbers instead." Dilbert, wearing dark glasses and a false moustache, looks on as the VP reads the report and says, "Wow! Our internal subterfuge is up eighty percent!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #animals dna, #clone one, #dont finish, #eating burgers, #elbonian unicorn, #save unicorn dna

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An Elbonian is holding a tin can tied to a string to his ear. The Elbonia says, "I'm sad to report that our drilling has caused the extinction of the Elbonian unicorn." The boss, at his desk, is on the phone. The boss says, "Save a sample of the animal's DNA so we can clone a new one." The Elbonian with the tin can turns to another Elbonian, who is eating a burger. The first Elbonian says, "Don't finish that."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #no problems, #week, #issues, #opportunites, #challenges, #valuable learning experinces

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The Boss, Wally, and Dilbert are sitting at a conference table. Wally says to The Boss, "I'm pleased to report that I had no problems this week." Wally continues, "I only had issues, opportunities, challenges, and valuable learning experiences." The Boss replies, "Did you do any work?" Wally responds, "It didn't seem necessary."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #buzzwords, #strung together, #same status reprt, #every week, #eleven years, #mission statement

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The Boss says to Wally, "Wally, your status report is just a bunch of buzzwords strung together." Wally replies, "I've been giving you that same status report every week for eleven years." Wally continues, "Five years ago you adopted it as our mission statement."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #assignment, #job, #department, #manager, #pretend job useful, #business

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Dilbert says to The Boss, "Um.. you gave me an assignment that isn't my job and doesn't need to be done." The Boss replies, "I'm trying to take over another department by doing their work. Later I'll say their manager should report to me." Dilbert says, "Could we at least pretend my job is useful?" The Boss replies, "Don't I always?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #analyzed, #corporate culture, #findings, #bunch unmotivated, #weasels, #knapsack

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Dogbert reports to The Boss, "I've analyzed your corporate culture and put my findings in this report." The Boss reads the report aloud, "The employees are a bunch of unmotivated weasels. I look good in this hat." Dogbert says, "I would have mentioned my knapsack but it's only a summary."