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Dilbert lies in bed looking at the alarm clock. He thinks, "Ten A.M. already?" Dilbert stands up and rubs his head. Dilbert thinks, "Great . . . Now I've got one of those headaches from oversleeping. Only one cure . . ." Back in his bed, Dilbert thinks, "You can't get too much of a bad thing."
Dilbert and a woman sit at a table in a restaurant. Dilbert says, I know it's only our first date, but what do you think of me?" The woman replies, "You remind me of Elvis." Dilbert thinks, "Sexy." The woman thinks, "Dead."
Dogbert hands a tie to Ratbert and says, "Ratbert, I want you to eat one of Dilbert's ties. Maybe it will help solve the mystery of why they always curl up." Ratbert eats the tie and says, "Mmm . . . Delicious, but starchy . . . One of the more full-bodied accessories I've tasted . . ." Dogbert carries Ratbert by the tail. Ratbert, whose body has stiffened, says, "Oil . . . can . . ." Dogbert says, "Geez . . . And that was only the placebo necktie."
Ratbert walks along thinking, "I should go visit my old friend, Dogbert." Ratbert thinks, "I can get there in five days if I hurry." Ratbert walks through a maze in a lab. He thinks, "Lucky he's only a block away."
Dilbert stands in front of the Boss's desk. The Boss asks, "Why have you refused to submit to our employee drug testing?" Dilbert replies, "It's violation of my privacy and an insult to my integrity. I demand to be judged only on my PERFORMANCE." The Boss says, "But your performance stinks," Dilbert says, "Performance AND attendance."
Dilbert and Dogbert sit at the table looking through a National Geographic magazine. Dilbert says, "This magazine is the only way we can learn about primitive cultures." Dogbert asks, "How do they learn about us?" Dilbert points to a photograph and says, "Here's a Pygmy reading 'The New Yorker.'"
Dilbert says to Wally, "Uh . . . Wally, you're wearing only underwear at work." Wally says, "I'm trying to get fired." Wally explains as the Boss approaches, "The company layoff plan is very generous. I'll get a big pile of money if they ask me to leave." Wally puts his boxer shorts on the Boss's head and says, "This has given me a degree of freedom in dealing with local management."
Dilbert and Dogbert sit at the table. Dilbert says, "Ten dollars . . . It's my final offer." Dogbert says, "Okay, but you can only use one hand." Dilbert pats Dogbert on the head. Dilbert says as he hands Dogbert ten dollars, "I don't believe this is now standard in the dog industry." Dogbert replies, "Oh, right, I suppose the others give it away."