Past Behavior Comic Strips - Page 12

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

167 Results for Past Behavior

View 111 - 120 results for past behavior comic strips. Discover the best "Past Behavior" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 17, 2005's comic on:


View Transcript

Transcript

"I didn't think it was possible, but for the past month I've done my own job plus Ted's, and done them well." "I know that you're marveling at my accomplishment and wondering how you can reward me." "Maybe I can fire Carl and make this idiot do his job too." "I'll be we're thinking of the same bonus amount!"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 31, 2005's comic on:


Tags #web service satndards, #consortium, #approval review, #executive board, #review borad

View Transcript

Transcript

"We should join the industry consortium that's promoting web services standards." "Run that past the consortium approval review board and get a sign-off from the executive board of review board reviewers." "Do those exist?" "In a perfect world, yes."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 25, 2007's comic on:


Tags #hired nancy, #lightening, #can't strike, #lighting strike, #invites problems, #medical school, #cadaver

View Transcript

Transcript

I hired Nancy because she's had so many personal problems in the past year. "I figure lightning can't strike the same place more than ten or twelve times in a row." "It's not as if she invites problems." "I'm in love with a medical school cadaver!"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 10, 2013's comic on:


Tags #work ethic, #fired, #programming code, #undocumented, #passwords, #death spiral, #huge raise

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Wally, you have accomplished none of your goals. I have to let you go. Wally: Actually, I accomplished a lot. I spent the past ten years creating a tangle of undocumented programming code. Every one of our major systems is linked to it. If I don't enter a password every day, the entire company will go into a technology death spiral. If you value your job, you'll give me a huge raise and dance on this table like a monkey!!! Boss: Let's call it a tie. Wally: Yeah, I'm good with that.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 17, 2013's comic on:


Tags #deception, #stock market, #hedge fund compnay, #investment fund, #misleading claims, #3 week period, #money

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: The best way to evaluate an investment fund is to look at its misleading claims of past performance. The Dogbert Hedge Fund beat the market average for a three-week period... that one time. Boss: Can you do that again? Dogbert: It depends on what you mean by "that." ----

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 18, 2013's comic on:


Tags #conversation, #deception, #political reasons, #irrational nonsense, #filter

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Your plan is technically sound, but I have to reject it for political reasons I can't share. Dilbert: I'll come back with some plans that are irrational nonsense and see if they make it past your filter. Boss: I'll always wonder if there was a better way to handle that.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 02, 2008's comic on:


Tags #bleed people, #living and dead, #awkward

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: Wally, in the past month you've blamed your lack of productivity on seven dead people and three who never existed." Wally: I used to blame living coworkers but it made the meetings awkward. The Boss: Whose fault is that? Wally: Here comes the awkward part.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 05, 2008's comic on:


Tags #conference room, #where hope goes to die, #the rectangle of futility

View Transcript

Transcript

A man says, "I'm here for an interview in a conference room named..." The man says, 'Where Hope Goes to Die'" Carol says, "It's the first one past 'The Rectangle of Futility.'"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 25, 2010's comic on:


Tags #confession, #schedule, #calendar, #lazy, #self-esteem, #annoyed

View Transcript

Transcript

Carol says, "For the past five years I've managed your calendar based solely on what would create the least work for me." Carol says, "It all started when you told me to use my judgment to set priorities." Carol says, "In retrospect, you should have hired someone with low self-esteem."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 30, 2010's comic on:


Tags #employee, #human resources, #Promotion, #raise, #facebook; social networks, #excited, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert says, "For the past six months you've done nothing but update your Facebook page." Catbert says, "Now we have an opening for a marketing manager for social networks and you're totally qualified. It's a huge raise and promotion." Man says, "Crime pays! I knew it!!!" Catbert says, "We're hoping you can lie as well as you steal."