Boss's Boat Comic Strips - Page 12
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Alice sits across from the Boss's desk. The Boss says, "Don't mention any problems when you do your presentation to senior management, Alice." The Boss continues, "They might try to solve the problems during the meeting. That would be a disaster." Alice tells Dilbert, "As far as I can tell, every layer of management exists for the sole purpose of warning us about the layer above." Dilbert akss, "Are you saying they have a purpose?"
Dilbert says to the Boss's secretary, "Carol, could you check our pointy-haired boss's calendar?" Carol grumbles. Dilbert explains, "We'd like to schedule a celebration for the engineers who got patents." Carol grumbles. Dilbert says, "We're all available on the sixth, ninth, twentieth and the twenty-first." Carol says, "I'll schedule it for the tenth. That's the only day he can do it." Dilbert replies, "Um . . . None of the engineers can make it on the tenth." Carol says, "It's not a perfect world." Wally asks Dilbert, "When's the patent celebration?" Dilbert says, "Shut up." On the tenth, the Boss sits at a conference table eating cake. Carol stands behind him. The Boss says, "We should do this more often." Carol says, "Yeah, I like cake."
Carol, the Boss's secretary, tells him, "I need my own secretary. I'm too busy to help you unless I get some support." The Boss replies, "Too busy? You haven't done any work for me in six months." Carol says, "Oh, suddenly this is about YOU?"
Dilbert asks the Boss's secretary, "Carol, do you know why my raise hasn't showed up in my pay yet?" Carol replies, "I haven't submitted the paperwork." Carol says, "I'm too busy to do it. Maybe you should talk to my boss about getting me a secretary." Dilbert says, "Carol, YOU are the secretary." Carol replies, "That'll cost you another month."
Dogbert stands on the Boss's desk and says, "Dilbert asked me to speak to you about the project plan you created without his input." Dogbert screams, "It's impossible, you arrogant baboon!!!" Dogbert continues, "Lean over here so I can slap you." The Boss says, "I'm having flashbacks to my honeymoon."
Ratbert tells the Boss, "Now that you're under my spell, I'd like to sit on your head and play bulldozer." The Boss stares straight ahead and holds his arms out. Ratbert sits on the Boss's head and pulls on his hair. He says, "Make some engine noises with your lips!" Ratbert laughs as the Boss makes noises. Alice asks Dilbert and Wally, "Do you think our consultant has too much power?" Dilbert replies, "Nah. He's barely moving that file cabinet."
Dilbert approaches the Boss's desk and says, "I"m here to negotiate for more telecommuting days." Ratbert sits on Dilbert's head. Dilbert points to him and tells the Boss, "My negotiating strategy is to have Ratbert say such illogical things that it drains your will to argue." The Boss says, "You can't work at home because you might do unproductive things there." Ratbert says, "I've lost my will to argue."
Dilbert hands the Boss a card and says, "It's called a 'Smart Card,' and we should build our next product to handle this sort of payment technology." Dilbert and Wally watch as the card jumps out of the Boss's hand. Dilbert says, "I've never seen that happen." Wally says, "His body rejected the 'Smart Card.'"
Alice sits across from the Boss's desk. The Boss says, "Alice, your performance is good, but you must learn to deal with ambiguity." Alice asks, "Did I just get blamed for your indecisive leadership?" The Boss replies, "I'm not indecisive; I'm flexible." Alice says, "That would explain how your head got where it is."
Dilbert enters the Boss's office. He says, "Here's my project plan as you requested." Dilbert explains, "Our team is already working day and night on other projects." Dilbert continues, "I assumed we'd give up eating, sleeping and bathing to fit this in." Dilbert continues, "By the second week we'll be starving, delirious and stinking." Dilbert continues, "We'll be like wild, unpredictable animals." Dilbert continues, "Specifically, we'd be like wild chipmunks. None of us are very aggressive." Dilbert points to the proposal and says, "This clip art represents us in week three as a pile of dead chipmunks." Wally asks Dilbert, "Now he wants it in two weeks?" Dilbert says, "Never mix sarcasm with good clip-art."