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Dogbert, Deputy of Common Sense, stands a filing cabnet and says, "Are you the government safety inspector?" The inspector says, "Yup. I love my job." Dogbert watches as the inspector trips Wally and notes something on his clipboard. Wally's glasses fall off and he says, "HEY!" Dogbert puts his hand on his gun and says, "How does your boss determine your pay?" The inspector writes something down and says, "It's based on the decrease in accidents after my inspection."
Dogbert is sitting on the couch. On an endtable is a lamp and a magazine. Dogbert says, "Is it my imagination or am I getting sexier every day?" Dogbert pulls out a hand mirror and says, "The mirror doesn't lie. I AM getting sexier." At the kitchen table, Dogbert informs Dilbert, "I've decided to become a supermodel." Dilbert pours himself a bowl of cereal and says, "Okay, but stay away from kryptonite."
The ugly lady with the fashionably outdated glasses is wearing a toga and sandals. She hands Dogbert a pair of black dress socks and says, "Your first assignment is a lingerie shoot. You'll be wearing black socks." Dogbert has a lump of silly putty on his head as a 'beauty tumor.' The woman says, "There's nothing sexier than a short round guy in black socks." Dogbert sits on a table or block. Dogbert, wearing the dress socks, looks at himself in a hand mirror and wags his tail. He says, "Wow! This works!" Heat is rising off the ugly woman and she says, "Quick! Get me a big block of ice to sit on!"
Catbert says, "The company's goal is to double the efficiency of all employees." Dilbert raises his hand and says, "Question: If we double our efficiency, won't you downsize half of us?" Alice and Wally sit on either side of him. Catbert says, "Don't talk to anyone in marketing. They aren't so good at math."
Dilbert sits at his computer, hand on the mouse. Dogbert stands on the desk and says, "I'm going to make an infomercial." Dogbert starts wagging his tail and says, "I'm targeting the people who want to invest their savings, but don't know how." Dilbert says, "I hope you plan to sell educational information about how to avoid scams." Dogbert says, "Good idea for phase two!"
At the staff meeting, The Boss says, "Good news on your budgets. I did some recalculating last night." The Boss says, "I found a way to give more money to every project without increasing the total budget for projects!" Wally raises his hand and says, "Question: Does your new way involve poor math skills?" Wally has a question mark above his head. Alice puts her arm in front of him and says, "Ignore the skeptic. Hey, I have a suggestion!" Alice says, "Maybe you could recalculate the salary budget for next year." Dilbert says, "And when was the last time you recalculated the vacation days?" Wally, using his calculator wrist watch, says, "I calculate that we have an hour left for this meeting, but I'm interested in YOUR caculation." Dilbert, Wally and Alice walk out of the meeting counting stacks of money. Dilbert says, "I think we got greedy when we asked if he change for a five." They whistle as they leave.
Wally comes up behind Dilbert, who is sitting at his desk, and says, "While you toil in utter futility, I'm building my personal 'brand equity.'" Wally continues, "I'm increasing my skills and my contacts every day." Then, as Alice approaches, adds, "My goal is to becomes the 'Kleenex' of engineers!" Alice bumps into Wally, knocking the glasses off his face. She says, "'Scuse me, I have real work to do." Alice brings her hand to her mouth, as she says, "Ooh... sneeze coming." She opens her mouth wide, "Aaaah..." "CHOO!" She sneezes in Dilbert's cubicle and Wally's glasses go flying again. Wally is now gone. Alice and Dilbert remain. Alice tells Dilbert, "I think of Wally as the 'Kleenex' of engineers." Dilbert agrees, "Me too."
Dilbert goes up to the airline desk at the airport. Woman behind the counter says, "Before I check you in, let me explain something.." Woman says, "You're here for a technology conference. I am the only attractive woman who will talk to you for days. I am not free for coffee later." Dilbert asks, "Can I brush your hand when you give me the key?" Woman says, "I'll toss it to you."
Banner reading "Dogbert the Consultant" appears across top of page. Dogbert sitting in front of The Boss. Dogbert says, "I cab give you excellent advice for $50,000 per month." Dogbert sitting in chair continues, "If budget is a problem, I also offer bad advice for the low price of $45,000 per month." Dilbert and Alice watch as The Boss runs past their cubicle with scissors in hand. Alice says, "That's not a good sign."
Dogbert stands outside of a cubicle with a memo in hand and asks, "Are you the pompous airbag of the office?" Man in the cubicle answers, "Indeed." Dogbert says to the man, "I've been asked to deflate you." Dogbert continues, "My sources tell me that you combine arrogance with trivia and try to pass it off as intelligence." The man exclaims, "That's because I'm surrounded by fools who don't even know the capital of Elbonia!" Dogbert displays the memo to the man and says, " I have a signed statement from your wife..." Dogbert continues, "...that you put wet laundry in the oven last night." The man looks into his computer screen while thinking to himself, "That explains the chewy casserole she served me this morning."