Cats Doubt On Data Comic Strips - Page 12

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

244 Results for Cats Doubt On Data

View 111 - 120 results for cats doubt on data comic strips. Discover the best "Cats Doubt On Data" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #housing, #mortgage, #payment, #unemployed, #finances, #banks, #money

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says, "I can't afford to pay the mortgage this month." Dogbert says, "There's no reason to worry." Dogbert says, "I doubt your bank can afford postage to send you an eviction notice." Dilbert says, "That didn't make me worry less." Dogbert says, "How are we set for firearms?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #frustrated, #angry, #stupidity

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss says, "Get us some risk management software." Dilbert says, "What can risk management software tell you that common sense and experience can't?" The boss says, "Data." Dilbert says, "Stop failin the turing test!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #lazy, #new employee, #youth, #argument, #violence, #pain, #victory

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally says, "And obviously I can't do anything until our floom vendor updates the glimrods." Man says, "I'll bitspew a protopatch to your glimrod array and you can get right to work." Sometimes a young engineer challenges the dominant work-avoider in the herd. Wally says, "Oh, really?" Wally says, "Too bad the router isn't configured to handle protopatch server traffic." Man says, "I'll remotely reconfigure the router to think the protopatch server is a hexadulian data compressor." Wally says, "If you do that, you'll crash the firewall and expose everyone at this table to identity theft!" Tina says, "Stop that! I have enough problems!" Punch! Wally says, "Never go network on me, kid."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #assignment, #realization, #angry, #useless, #meaningless, #breakdown, #screaming, #yelling, #ignoring

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss says, "Asok, I want to scrub the CPS database." Asok says, "No one uses that data." Asok the intern says, "But you are incapable of admitting error. So now I must dedicate my time to a thoroughly useless task." The boss thinks, "This job got easier when I stopped listening." Asok says, "It's like death, but without the glamour!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #presentation, #problem, #scenario, #ridiculous, #stupidity

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says, "Our new data center is complete." Dilbert says, "The only wrinkle is that the power company won't give us the kilowatts we need." The boss says, "What are our options?" Dilbert says, "Well, we can run the servers without air conditioning." Dilbert says, "Until they melt into a toxic blob." Dilbert says, "Then we can turn the building into a museum that celebrates poor planning." Dilbert says, "Or we could all quit our jobs and eat bugs to survive." The boss says, "Let's go with the toxic blob, but we need to call it something else." Man says, "Convergence!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meeting, #question, #ridiculous, #serious, #confused, #annoyed, #vendor, #stupidity, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "Is there any risk that the new software will erase our data?" Dilbert says, "Um?No." The boss says, "Did you ask the vendor that question?" Dilbert says, "Well, no, I?" The boss says, "Then you can't be sure, can you?" Dilbert says, "We outsource our payroll service. The payroll data isn't even on our servers." The boss says, "Isn't everything connected to everything else by the internet?" Dilbert says, "You want me to ask our vendor if his software will hunt down our payroll data from across the internet and try to kill it?" Dilbert says, "And you think he might say yes?" The boss says, "Better safe than sorry." Later that day Man says, "Yes, sometimes it does that. You're the first to ask." Dilbert thinks, "Shoot me."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #job, #panic, #phrase, #angry, #offended, #accusation, #awkward, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "Asok, we're hosting a forum for human resources executives, and I need you to organize it." Asok the intern says, "Gaaa!!! That will be like trying to herd cats." Catbert says, "What did you just say?" Asok the intern says, "I'm not racist." Catbert says, "Denial is proof!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #coffee, #stock tip, #ridicule, #criticism, #hair cut, #old fashioned, #doubt, #annoyed

View Transcript

Transcript

Man says, "I have a great stock tip for you, Alice." Alice says, "And I should trust you because you're an expert on all things except your own ridiculous hair?" Man says, "I also know a lot about old cars." Alice says, "Shocker."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #sitting, #idea, #moving, #identity, #theft, #introduction

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss says, "We're moving our data center to Elbonia to save money." Dilbert says, "That seems a bit dangerous since every Elbonian is an identity thief." The Boss says, "What?" It seemed like an exaggeration, but it wasn't. Elbonian says ,"Hi, I'm old man Podemkin." Elbonian says, "I was him this morning!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #rejecting, #objecting, #ridicule, #ears, #pointed, #offended

View Transcript

Transcript

Mordac, the preventer of information service Mordac says ,"Cloud computing is no good because strangers would have access to our data." Dilbert says, "I trust encryption way more than I trust spock-eared sociopaths." Dilbert says, "When you mention a person's ears, he won't listen to the rest of your argument."