Dumb Criminals Comic Strips - Page 12

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

193 Results for Dumb Criminals

View 111 - 120 results for dumb criminals comic strips. Discover the best "Dumb Criminals" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #obliviousness, #thinking, #decisions, #unsupported belife, #paraphrase incorrectly

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: Spare me the tedious technical details. I make my decisions based on the people involved. Dilbert: So you replaced your unsupported belief that you could spot winning projects with an unsupported belief that you can identify winning people? CEO: Stop making it sound dumb! Dilbert: Should I try paraphrasing it incorrectly?

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #avarice, #business ethics, #stock market, #stock split, #dumb stock holders, #fantastic prodcuts, #money

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: The board has voted to do a stock split. It came down to a choice between creating fantastic products or attracting dumber stockholders. One of those two things is easy.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #any penalty, #big trouble, #idiotic plan, #imperfect plan, #leading by example, #perfect plan

View Transcript

Transcript

Its better to execute an imperfect plan today than a perfect plan next week. Yay! we're free from any penalty if we do thing wrong. um, no nothing like that. You're still in big trouble if you do anything wrong. and Im also in big trouble if I take linger to do things right? Yes. Okay , get it, Your plan is idiotic, but we should do it anyway and hot wait for you to s ay something smarter. you're leading by example nicely done. what other dumb things should we do right away?

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #behind schedule, #obstical, #projects, #sound dumb, #three engineers, #time management skills

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: All of your projects are behind schedule. You need to work on your time management skills. Dilbert:Let me see if I understand you correctly. You expect me to do the job of three engineers... ...and the only obstical to your brilliant plan os my poor time management? Boss: Stop making everything I say sound dumb. Dilbert: I dont do it that often. Because you only sound dumb when people understand what you mean. Boss: And thats too Often! Dilbert: Once a week tops.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #executives, #how-to, #snobbishness, #book on success, #hard work, #wise decisions, #being lucky, #lazy and dumb

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: I need you to co-author a book on success with me. The goal is to make readers believe success comes from hard work and wise decisions. So instead of hating me for being lucky, they will hate themselves for being lazy and dumb. Dogbert: And for buying your book?

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business casual, #clothing, #dorks, #dress code, #fashion, #business dorky, #unstylish, #tan colored, #dumb name, #new order

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert: Our new dress code is "Business Dorky." Your clothes must be dorky, unstylish, and 50% tan colored. Dilbert: So... business casual? Catbert: That's a dumb name for it.

Bob Is Proud Of His Flip Phone

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Bob Is Proud Of His Flip Phone - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dinosaurs, #insult, #insults, #judgement, #smart phones, #technology, #flip phone, #judegment, #follow ups

View Transcript

Transcript

Dinosaur: I don't own a smartphone. I use a flip phone because it does everything I want. Alice: Why are you proud of being a big, dumb dinosaur with a terrible phone? Dinosaur: I"m sensing a lot of judgement in that question. Alice: Wait until you hear my follow-ups.

Bob Has No Cool Way To Describe His Life

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Bob Has No Cool Way To Describe His Life - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dinosaurs, #flip phones, #smart phones, #technology, #what is cool?, #windows xp

View Transcript

Transcript

Dinosaur: All I need is my flip phone, my Windows XP, and my basic cable television. Did I sound like a big, dumb dinosaur that time? Dogbert: Pretty much. Dinosaur: Wow... there is no cool way to describe my life.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #arguing, #job, #job description, #managers, #manipulation, #taking advantage, #task, #whiney quitter, #resourceful entrepreneur, #personal growth, #outside the box, #key to greatness, #assigning wrong people, #mow lawn, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: That isn't in my job description. Boss: What?! You should never tell your boss that a task isn't in your job description! It makes you sound like a whiney quitter instead of a resourceful entrepreneur. And don't forget all the personal growth that comes from taking on new challenges. Think outside the box. That is the key to greatness. Dilbert: So, according to you, the best way to achieve greatness is by assigning the wrong people to tasks? Are there any other dumb things I need to do to achieve greatness or is one thing enough? Catbert: Did you find someone to mow your lawn yet? Boss: Almost. He's putting up a fight.

Selling Bad Software Is Like Crime

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Selling Bad Software Is Like Crime - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #big business, #business, #criminals, #user interface, #software, #lower tax rate, #engineering

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Our tests show that people can't figure out how to use our software. And yet we still sell it. How are we different from criminals? Boss: Our tax rate is lower.