Dysfunctional Family Comic Strips - Page 12

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165 Results for Dysfunctional Family

View 111 - 120 results for dysfunctional family comic strips. Discover the best "Dysfunctional Family" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #favor, #ask, #phone ring, #children, #bogeyman, #mailman, #angry, #Family

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Dilbert says, "Carol, would you?" Carol says, "Here's an interesting experiment?" Carol says, "Watch what happens to your blood pressure when I take this call and make you wait." Carol says, "Yeah? What's the problem now?" Carol says, "Tell your brother I said to stop biting the ehads off your dolls." Carol says, "Uh-huh... well, if the man was wearing a postal uniform, he wasn't the bogeyman." Carol says, "You did what to him?" Carol says, "Listen carefully. I want you to tear up the carpet in the fancy bathroom..." Dilbert says, "I can come back."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #mother, #son, #sarcastic, #plant, #flower pot, #web only company, #imagination, #Family

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Dilbert says, "My company is going to a web-only business model." Mom says, "That's terrific." Mom says, "What's phase three? Does it involve operating only in your own imagination?" Dilbert says, "Be nice." Mom says, "Maybe you can help me grow this plant back into a seed."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #flying monkey, #supreme leadership, #heir, #father, #son, #crazy, #office, #Family

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CEO says, "Assemble the supreme leadership board. I am ready to name an heir to succeed me." Dilbert says, "We don't have a supreme leadership board, and this isn't a hereditary dictatorship." CEO says, "That's crazy talk." Monkey says, "Ignore him, daddy."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #environmental issues, #children, #interviews, #Family

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The Boss says, "Jim, our company is family-friendly and very green." The Boss says, "We're also good at setting priorities, so if I get a chance to sell your kids for a handful of carbon credits, I'll do it." The Boss says, "He was less green than I had hoped."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #embarrassed of son, #Family, #food service industry, #insult, #locksmith, #mother, #named project manger, #paying for lunch, #restaurants, #sons occupation, #don't tell freinds

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Mom, the good news I wanted to tell you is that my boss named me project manager. Mom: Please keep that to yourself. I tell my friends you're a locksmith. Dilbert: You're paying for your own lunch. Waiter: I'm Ed. I'll be your project manager.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #raise, #married with children, #new family, #benefit expenses, #laser like focus, #procreating

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Wally: Give me a raise or else I'll get married and have children. My new family would increase your benefit expenses and distract me from my laser-like focus on work. Boss: I will gladly pay extra to prevent you from procreating. Wally: Word it any way you like.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #app store, #created app, #dream killer, #first name, #free apps, #madonna, #sell a million, #mother, #Family

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Dilbert: I spent four months creating this app, mom. I think I can sell a million of them for $3.99. Mom: I saw seven apps just like this in the app store and five of them were free. Dilbert: Thanks for the feedback, dream-killer. Mom: Have you ever thought of just using your first name, like Madonna?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Family, #work from home, #2 days err week, #reduce carbon foorprint, #wife, #small children, #egg carton, #talking to moron, #relationships

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Boss: I want you to work from home for two days per week to reduce our carbon footprint. Employee: Nooooo! My wife and three small children are in that house. They're always mean to me. Boss: How bad could it be? Employee: Let me put it this way: I'm sitting in an egg carton and talking to a moron, and this is better.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #candy, #children, #engineers, #big companies, #good engineering, #skulk around schoolyards, #nerdy loners, #offer candy, #Family

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Boss: The big companies are hiring all of the good engineering students as soon as they graduate. We need to start earlier. I want you to skulk around school yards and try to form relationships with kids who are nerdy loners. Offer them candy. Kids love candy. Dilbert: I don't see how this plan could go wrong.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cruelty, #managers & supervisors, #employment studies, #good boss, #getting riase, #less dysfunctional, #creepy dude, #business

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Catbert: Studies say employees prefer having a good boss over getting a raise. So instead of giving raises, pretend to be less dysfunctional. It's cheaper. Bwahahahaha!!! Boss: You're a creepy little dude.