Essentail Jobs Comic Strips - Page 12
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131 Results for Essentail Jobs
View 111 - 120 results for essentail jobs comic strips. Discover the best "Essentail Jobs" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday September 18,
2016
Tags #executives, #robot, #technology, #fairness, #unfair, #golden parachute, #oblivioiusness
Transcript
CEO: The good news is that none of you will lose your jobs to robots. But a robot will take my job next week. I'll retire with an enormous severance package and live out my days in splendor. Meanwhile, the robot that takes my job will be working all of you to death. Robots are natural leaders because they don't care about your feelings. You will experience mental and physical misery on a scale the world hasn't seen since slavery was legal. But hey, it's better than losing your job to a robot. Am I right? Apparently, nothing makes them happy.
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Friday June 01,
2018
Motivational Speaker
Tags #motivation, #motivational speaker, #inspiration, #backfire
Transcript
Alice: The motivational speaker you hired was great!!! We all decided to quit out jobs and become motivational speakers. Boss: He was supposed to make you work harder here. Alice: You wanted him to motivate us to be dumb?
Sunday August 12,
2018
Tags #the boss, #Dogbert, #unhealthy, #exercise, #mouse
Transcript
Dogbert: All of your employees are fat and unhealthy. That's why you should replace your outdated cubicles with treadmill desks. My company makes a treadmill desk that requires no electricity. The Boss: What if the employees don't like it? Dogbert: They already hate everything about their jobs there's no real downside. The Boss: Good point. Dogbert: I know. I'll send you one of our demo units so you can test it out. The boss: I finally feel as if I'm getting somewhere.
Friday September 28,
2018
Everyone Does Their Job
Tags #coffee, #deadline, #Dilbert, #fashion, #jobs, #negative, #woman and dating
Transcript
Dilbert: We'll be ready by your deadline if everyone does their jobs in a timely fashion. Woman: How often does that happen? Dilbert: It has never happened. Woman: Then you're saying you won't be ready by the deadline. Dilbert: Why must you be so negative?
Thursday November 15,
2018
Complaining Versus Hiding
Tags #boss, #complaining, #employees, #employment, #jobs, #managers & supervisors
Transcript
Asok: I'm doing the job of three people and it isn't fair. Boss: Good point. Alice is doing the job of seven people. I'll give you two of her jobs to balance it out. Wally: So...is complaining better than hiding? Asok: No...you were right.
Thursday November 22,
2018
Teach Employees To Code
Tags #boss, #computers, #engineering, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #teaching, #smart
Transcript
Boss: The job market is so tight we can't find any programmers. So I want you to teach some of our employees how to code. Dilbert: You mean the smart ones, I hope. Boss: No, we need the smart ones in their current jobs.
Monday December 03,
2018
Company Cheer
Tags #boss, #business, #employees, #jobs, #managers & supervisors, #meetings, #corporations
Transcript
Boss: Our new corporate owners want us to gather every morning to do the company cheer. Alice: I quit. Dilbert: I quit. Voice: I quit. Voice 2: I quit. Boss: That's not the company cheer. Dilbert: It is now.
Thursday December 27,
2018
Working With Old Ned
Tags #elderly, #men and women, #office workers, #old
Transcript
Boss: I need you to work with old Ned on this project. He's a little bit old-fashioned, but don't let that get to you. He retires in six months. Alice: I've been asked to work with you. Ned: Women have jobs now? ? ?
Monday January 14,
2019
Job Is 98 Percent Interruption
Tags #distraction, #engineering, #frustrated, #jobs, #office workers, #listen
Transcript
Alice: My job is 2% work and 98% getting interrupted. I can't focus long enough to finish anything. Dilbert: Are you done? I'm trying to work. Alice: You're a bad listener.
Tuesday January 15,
2019
More Accurate Job Description
Tags #distraction, #frustration, #jobs, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #sarcasm
Transcript
Dilbert: I updated my job description to be more accurate. Boss: "I try to do something and then I get interrupted a jillion times until the thing no longer matters." Sounds like you need some extra micro-managing. Dilbert: I have to take this call.