Fast Fail Comic Strips - Page 12

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

139 Results for Fast Fail

View 111 - 120 results for fast fail comic strips. Discover the best "Fast Fail" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cruelty, #project, #behind schedule, #dark fast, #death, #die, #medical

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Your project is behind schedule. Is there any to finish sooner? Alice: Well, in the long run, we all die, so you could die right now and get to your endpoint faster. Boss: You went dark fast. Alice: I had that one in the hopper.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #social media, #facebook, #twitter, #pinterest, #instagram, #obliviousness, #technology, #communication

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Do you have a minute to answer a quick question about social media? Dilbert: I don't have time... Boss: Real quick. One question. Dilbert: Okay, but make it fast, please. I'm late for my meeting. Boss: Okay, the question is this... Can I Instagram a tweet right to Facebook... or does liking something I also favorited automatically pin it to my followers? Dilbert: I'm going to say yes and go to my meeting. Boss: I probably should have asked some follow-ups.

Dilbert And The Prison Gang

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dilbert And The Prison Gang - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #prison, #lawyer, #attorney, #Advice, #plead, #trial, #crime, #murder, #technicality, #guilt, #legal

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: Your brain stimulator invention turned you into a murderer. I will argue that you can't get a fail trial by jury of your peers because all of the people like you are already in jail for doing their own stupid stuff. And I signed you up for a prison gang. All you need to do is skin a snitch.

Two Choices For A Project

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Two Choices For A Project - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #question, #trick, #choice, #illusion, #work, #assignment, #power

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Do you want the boring and awful project that is likely to succeed... or the fun project that is certain to fail and take your career with it? Dilbert: You came here to give both of them to me. Boss: Ha ha! You know me.

Dilbert Teaches Robot To Code

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dilbert Teaches Robot To Code - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #singularity, #machines, #robot, #technology, #control, #power, #intelligence

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: Did you teach the robot how to program? Dilbert: I did. He's a fast learner. Alice: Have you heard of something called the singularity? Dilbert: Yes. Why do you... Is it too late to say I wasn't involved?

Boss Asks Alice To Mentor At School

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Boss Asks Alice To Mentor At School - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #gender, #misogyny, #Women, #feminist, #mentor, #tutor, #assumption, #feminism

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: My kid's school is looking for someone to mentor girls interested in stem careers. Alice: Are you asking me to do that because I'm a woman? Would you ask a man to do that? Boss: This went bad fast. Alice: Tell Wally to do it. He's not busy.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #demands, #bosses, #unrealistic, #frustration, #outburst, #catch-22, #travel, #air travel

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Carol, move my flight one hour earlier Friday. Carol: Do you have any idea how hard that would be? I know it sounds easy, but it won't be. Not at this late date. Not with all your pickiness. When I fail, you will think I didn't look hard enough for a new flight. I can't prove a negative, so I will forever suffer your disdain. My career is ruined. Boss: Never mind! Forget it! Why is it so hard to ask you to do anything? Carol: I've been telling people you're stupid, but I'm open to other theories.

Dogbert's Particle Accelerator

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dogbert's Particle Accelerator - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #scheme, #plan, #deception, #trick, #science, #invention

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: I built a particle accelerator in the basement. Dilbert: Sounds expensive. Dogbert: Not if you use cardboard. My plan is to say I discovered one new particle per week. When scientists fail to confirm my discoveries, I will say they need better accelerators.

Internet Wants Ceo To Die

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Internet Wants Ceo To Die - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #anger, #shame, #unpopular, #popularity, #public relations, #gawker

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: The company we acquired is making us look bad. Dilbert: How bad? CEO: The internet is demanding that I drink poison and apologize to the world while I die. What should I do? Dilbert: Well, I'm no doctor, but I'd go with something fast-acting.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #email, #communication, #response, #confusion, #honesty, #overshare

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: Did you see my email? Dilbert; Did you mean your two-page document that has about twelve questions for me sprinkled throughout? Man: Yes, that's the one. Why haven't you responded? Dilbert: It's hard to answer that question while being polite. Man: You can be honest. Dilbert: Your email was such a disorganized mess that I assumed everything you do is doomed to fail. I didn't want to waste half a day deciphering it just so I could be on the losing side. With you. Man: Next time, just say you were busy. Dilbert: And I was busy.