Hard Working Employee Comic Strips - Page 12
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Dilbert and a woman sit at a table in a restaurant. The woman says, "Thanks for asking me to dinner, Dilbert." Dilbert replies, "It's my pleas . . ." The woman interrupts, "I love eating out. What kind of tablecloth is this? I saw a movie last month." Dilbert thinks, "Uh-oh . . . She's a serial yakker." The woman says, "Yak yak yak blah blah yak blah yak." Dilbert thinks, "She changes topics without even pausing to breathe." While the woman rambles, Dilbert thinks, "It's too hard to listen. I'm slipping into a coma." Dilbert grabs the tablecloth as he falls over in his chair. The waiter asks, "Is there a problem?" Dilbert lies on the floor. He says, "Run! Save yourself!" The woman starts talking again. The waiter panics and thinks, "Serial yakker!" The waiter falls on top of Dilbert and says, "Help me." Dilbert says, "Shhh! I'm trying to play dead."
Dogbert stands on a desk chair working on the computer. Dilbert says, "Now that you've united the electronic mail users of the world, what are you going to do?" Dogbert replies, "I'll poll them about their needs, then use their collective political and economic power to get them whatever the majority wants." Dilbert asks, "Couldn't you easily rig the vote to support your own selfish ambitions?" Dogbert says, "I love the democratic system."
Dogbert stands on the desk chair working on the computer. Ratbert asks, "Aren't you afraid that if you continue as leader of the nerds, you will become a nerd yourself?" Dogbert answers, "No, because you can't become a nerd unless you have a genetic predisposition toward it." Dilbert enters the room and says, "Look! I added an emergency backup pocket!" Dogbert says to Ratbert, "See? You can't learn that stuff in computer class."
The Boss, Dilbert, Wally, Alice and Ted sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "I took a crack at writing a 'mission statement' for our group." The Boss reads, "We enhance stockholder value through strategic business intiatives by empowered employees working in new team paradigms." Dilbert asks Wally, "Do you ever just marvel at the fact we get paid to do this?" The Boss asks, "Did anybody bring donuts?"
Dogbert points to a picture of a man with a lightbulb over his head. Dogbert says, "Many of you come to my management seminar as optimistic, creative, clear-speaking individuals." Dogbert continues, "But with hard work, you can become jargon-spewing corporate zombies, like Carl here." Dilbert sits in the audience. Carl sits in a chair looking straight ahead and saying, "I want to dialogue with you about utilizing resources." Dogbert says, "Good boy! Here's a donut." Dogbert tosses him a donut.
Dilbert sits at his desk working on his computer. Dogbert thinks, "I've seen that look before. He's in a video game trance." Dogbert thinks, "He can't move. I've got to do something fast." Dogbert stands on a ladder and stacks dishes on Dilbert's head. Dogbert says, "Lassie might have handled this differently."
Dilbert sits at his desk working on his computer. The Boss says, "Yesterday we ran out of acronyms. Today we used our last accounting code. We're in big trouble." Dilbert asks, "Why don't we just reprogram the computers to accept longer codes?" The Boss replies, "A project like that would need an acronym and an accounting code." Dilbert asks, "Why not reuse a code from a project that's complete?" The Boss says, "Oddly enough, we've never completed a project."
Dilbert sits at his desk. The Boss says, "Add my name to your patent application to acknowledge my contribution." Dilbert asks, "What contribution?" Dilbert says, "You said it was a stupid idea by a stupid employee. You ordered me to stop working on it." The Boss says, "Devil's advocate!" Dilbert adds, "You also said I was ugly."
Dilbert sits at his desk working with test tubes and beakers of chemicals. Dilbert tells Dogbert, "I've identified the brain chemical that controls happiness." Dilbert says, "And I found the exact mix of fruit and vegetable juices that stimulate its production." Dilbert asks, "Do you realize what this means?" Dogbert replies, "Yeah. Fruits and vegetables will be banned by the government."
The Boss says to an employee, "Your new project will have no budget and no management support. Expect to spend most of your time giving status reports." The man's head disappears and he thinks, "Oh no! The life force has been drained out of me! I'm becoming a damp rag!!!" Dilbert looks at the floor and says, "That's amazing." The Boss replies, "It's nothing. I did eighteen at once at the employee empowerment brunch."