Human Resources Dept Comic Strips - Page 12
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418 Results for Human Resources Dept
View 111 - 120 results for human resources dept comic strips. Discover the best "Human Resources Dept" comics from Dilbert.com.
Thursday October 11,
2001
Tags air, company resources, contractor, demands, gravity, hover, using earth, cheap, resources
Transcript
The Boss says to Carl, "Carl, you're only a contractor. You have to stop using company resources." Carl mumbles angrily, "Mmn, Nph, Hbm, Mrm!" The Boss replies, "Yes, I know you bring your own air. But you still use our gravity." Carl is taken aback. He mumbles, "Fbm, Gmp, Rkr!" The Boss responds, "If it's not too much to ask, could you hover?"
Sunday October 28,
2001
Tags human resources, appearence, being evil, Catbert, therapy, session, calls therapist hag, debris, jumps on anything, eraser, misspelled psycho, business, psychology
Transcript
Catbert is lying on a psychologist's couch. He says, "I'm a director of human resources." Catbert continues, "So naturally, I have to keep up the appearance of being evil." The psychologist asks, "But you find it difficult to do evil things?" Catbert responds, "No, I like that part of the job... Stop jumping ahead, hag." Catbert continues, "My problem is that anytime I see a tiny object fall to the floor, I jump on it and eat it." Catbert continues, "Sometimes I'm not even hungry and I know it's just a piece of debris but I can't stop myself." The psychologist says, "Oops.. I misspelled psycho." Catbert's voice is heard "No! Not eraser debris!" Catbert is heard from the floor, "#*!! @$& Quack!" The psychologist laughs and responds, "Who's a hag?"
Wednesday October 31,
2001
Tags evil director, human resources, assistant recovers, cold or flu, should dissolved, winged demon, business
Transcript
The Boss says to Asok, "Asok, I want you to work for the evil director of human resources until his assistant recovers." Asok replies, "From what is he recovering? Is it a cold or perhaps a flu?" The Boss responds, "He saw so much evil that his soul dissolved and he became a winged demon."
Sunday November 11,
2001
Tags downsize you, ted, bad job, essentail function, cost reductions, marketing, spent too much, trade show booth, dept phone list., business
Transcript
The Boss says to Ted, "Ted, I have to downsize you." Ted turns around and asks, "Was I doing a bad job?" The Boss replies, "No, it's more complicated than that." Ted asks, "Is my essential function being eliminated?" The Boss answers, "No, the problem is that someone in marketing spent too much for a trade show booth." The Boss continues, "So every manager had to submit a list of potential cost reductions." The Boss continues, "I might have accidentally sent the department phone list as an e-mail attachment." Ted mumbles, "*%! $@." The Boss thinks, "There are lots of whiners in "A" through "M."
Saturday December 15,
2001
Tags meeting called, discuss issues, assign tasks, waste of time, meetings, become lifeform, reproducing human josts
Transcript
Dilbert walks into a meeting and asks, "Who called this meeting?" The male coworker replies, "We thought you did." The coworker continues, "I think we should discuss issues and assign tasks so it's not a complete waste of time." Dilbert responds, "Maybe meetings have become a lifeform capable of calling themselves and thus reproducing via human hosts." The male coworker turns to the female coworker and says, "Good issue." She replies, "Wow!"
Saturday March 16,
2002
Tags numbers down, reorganize dept, history for compariosn, fire people, save money
Transcript
A female employee asks The Boss, "Our numbers are way down. What should we do?" The Boss replies, "Reorganize the department so there's no valid history for comparison." The Boss continues, "Then we'll fire a few people and give ourselves awards for saving money." The employee scrunches up her paper and mutters, "El Diablo."
Saturday April 20,
2002
Tags boss booked, highest ratio, unavailabilty, usefulness, sound insulting, do math, human resources, business
Transcript
Alice asks The Boss, "How about any Tuesday this year?" The Boss replies, "No, I'm booked." Alice says, "You have the highest ratio of unavailability to usefulness I've ever seen." The Boss asks Catbert, "Does that sound like an insult?" Catbert replies, "If I could do math I wouldn't be working in human resources."
Friday May 24,
2002
Tags demoted, spread rumors, new boss, fired, clueless human, doesn't work, denial
Transcript
Headline: Demoted. The Boss says to Wally, "I plan to spread rumors about our new boss until I'm fired." The Boss continues, "I'll tell everyone that he's the most clueless human that ever lived. Hee hee!" Wally responds, "Believe me, that doesn't work." The Boss says, "I have no idea what you're talking about."
Sunday June 09,
2002
Tags acquired benefits, adopt program, blend benefits progarm, blending, evil director, maternity leave, merger approved, smokers
Transcript
The Boss addresses a meeting, "The merger has been approved." The Boss continues, "Our evil director of human resources will blend the acquired company's benefits with our own." Alice, Dilbert, and Wally cry, "WAAA! WAAA! WAAA!" The Boss thinks, "Apparently they know what blending means." Catbert says to the other HR director, "Let's see... My company offers six months of maternity leave for mothers." The other HR director replies, "We treat 'em like smokers. They have to squat in the parking lot for 10 minutes then go back to work." Catbert says, "That's very evil.. We'll adopt your program." The other HR director responds, "Thanks." The Boss reads the new benefits plan. He asks, "What is 'draining?' Catbert responds, "Our company called it training."
Monday June 10,
2002
Tags conversations banned, talk about work, applies work hours, home, Family, sleeping, harsh rules, evil director, human resources, business
Transcript
Headline: To: Employees From: Catbert. Catbert types, "All non-work conversations are banned." Catbert continues typing, "From now on you're only allowed to talk about work." An employee is eating dinner at home with his family. All of his children are asleep at the table. His wife says, "I think it only applies during work hours." The employee responds, "I can't take that chance."