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The Boss puts a transparency on the overhead projector and says, "This graphic shows our biggest obstacle to success." The diagram shows an arrow through a series of acronyms. Alice, Dilbert and Wally sit at the conference table looking confused. Wally asks, "Are you saying our biggest obstacle to success is poor graphics?" Alice replies, "I think he's saying our biggest problem is his overall inability to communicate." Dilbert says, "I think his point goes beyond communication. He's showing us that he doesn't even THINK clearly!" Wally says, "That's it!" Alice says, "High five!!" Wally shouts, "You broke the code!" The Boss says, "You know how I said you should participate more in meetings? I didn't mean it."
Alice sits at a conference table typing on a laptop. An older man with a beard sits next to her. The man says, "I used to write programs using punch cards . . . But I'd rather be fishing . . ." Alice grabs the man by his suspenders and shouts, "Look, you bearded road apple, if you answer one more of my questions with an irrelevant story I'll snap you into next week!!" The caption says, "Sometime next week . . ." Dilbert and Wally see a hole in the air with a man's legs hanging out of it. Wally says, "Looks like a hole in the space-time continuum." Dilbert asks, "Did you hear a snap?"
The Boss stands behind Dilbert's desk and says, "I think we should build an SQL database." Dilbert thinks, "Uh-oh." Dilbert thinks, "Does he understand what he said or is it something he saw in a trade magazine ad?" Dilbert asks, "What color do you want that database?" The Boss answers, "I think mauve has the most RAM."
Dogbert sits at a table with Tina who is growling. Dogbert says, "A while back I asked for opinions about this new character, 'Tina the Brittle Tech Writer.'" Dogbert presents the results, "Most people, including nearly all the self-described feminists, said keep her. But there were many requests to add 'non-stereotypical' female characters for balance." Dogbert points at a muscular woman with a shaved head and says, "In the interest of balance I give you 'Antina.'" Antina says, "Is anybody up for some math?"
Dilbert leans out his cubicle door and yells, "Hey, Wally! The Boss sent his first e-mail message!" Dilbert says to Wally who stands behind him, "And you said he wasn't bright enough to figure out how to use e-mail!" Wally asks, "What's his message?" Dilbert reads the message, "I forgot my watch. Does anybody know what time it is?" Wally says, "Time to change jobs."
Tags #simple molecules, #powerful chemicals, #simple cells, #powerful life forms, #powerful comouters, #less capable components, #supreme being, #future, #god consciousness, #files, #web browser, #fly
Dilbert and Dogbert walk through the park. Dogbert says, "Simple molecules combine to make powerful chemicals . . ." Dogbert continues, "Simple cells combine to make powerful lifeforms." Dogbert continues, "Simple electronics combine to make powerful computers." Dogbert continues, "Logically, all things are created by a combination of simpler, less capable components." Dilbert lifts Dogbert onto a rock. Dogbert continues, "Therefore, a supreme being must be our FUTURE, not our origin!" Dogbert says, "What if 'God' is the consciousness that will be created when enough of us are connected by the Internet?!!" Dilbert says, "That would certainly limit the types of files I download. I wonder what it would do to response times." Dogbert says, "It's so nice to spend time alone with my thoughts." Dilbert says, "My web browser would FLY!"
Alice says to Dilbert, "I heard that our software development work has been moved to the tiny nation of Elbonia." Dilbert responds, "Things can't get worse than that." The Boss approaches Dilbert and says, "Dilbert, you're in charge of integrating the Elbonian's software with our existing systems." Dilbert looks stunned. Dilbert says to Alice, "Okay, NOW it can't get any worse." The Boss adds, "You might want to get a tuberculosis vaccination."
Wally and Dilbert stand in front of the Boss's desk. Dilbert says, "Wally and I started our own company. We're selling the product that you said nobody wants." Wally adds, "Soon we will be rich." As they dance around the office, Dilbert says, "We do our victory jig in your face." Wally says, "Ba-bum" as the shakes back and forth. Wally and Dilbert are sobbing in the hallway. Alice asks, "When he showed you your employment agreement - where you gave all patent rights to this company - what part of the jig were you doing?" Dilbert replies, "Turbo mooning."
Alice says to the Boss, "Here's the analysis you asked for . . . I worked all night." Alice continues, "But you said this was vital for your meeting today so I know it was worth the effort." The Boss sits at his desk reading the report. He says, "This is excellent work, Alice." Alice closes her eyes and thinks, "A rare compliment; it was all worthwhile." As Alice walks away the Boss says, "I'll use it as backup material." Alice says angrily, "Backup?!! Nobody looks at backup material!" Alice says, "I'm going to grab your pointy hair, yank you out of that cheap suit and fling your naked body down the hall." The Boss lies in the hall with no clothes on. Wally says, "She's always irritable the week before her performance review cycle." Dilbert says, "Her distance improved this year."
The Boss says to Dilbert, "Go home, Dilbert. Relax! You're working too hard!" Dilbert sits at his desk and says, "You told me to finish this by tomorrow. You said it's urgent." The Boss waves his arms and says, "Relax! Go home! Shoo!" The caption says, "Suddenly Dilbert is sucked into the 'Boss Zone' where time and logic do not apply." Dilbert's head disappears into a hole in time. Dilbert floats by the Boss's head and asks, "How can I relax AND do urgent work at the same time?" The Boss replies, "Work smarter, not harder." Dilbert grabs his head and screams. The caption says, "Mercifully, the angel of cynicism appears." Dogbert flies up to Dilbert and says, "Slap something together in the morning. He won't look at it anyway." The caption says, "The inspirational moral . . ." Dilbert puts his coat on and leaves the office. He sings, "Freedom's just another word for not caring about the quality of your work!"