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Dogbert stands on the desk chair and says into a camera, "This is Dogbert . . . You are all under my hypnotic powers . . ." A satellite dish sits on the desk. Dogbert transmits to a satellite orbiting earth, "I am the supreme ruler of earth. You must all carry Dogbert posters and chant 'Dogbert is my king.'" Dogbert concludes, "That is all for now. If I think of anything else important I'll let you know." Ratbert enters holding a sign with Dogbert's picture on it and chanting, ". . . Is my king."
The Boss, Dilbert, Wally, Alice and Ted sit at a conference table. The Boss says, ". . . Companies must learn to embrace change." The employees all think, "Uh-oh. It's another management fad." They all think, "Will it pass quickly or will it linger like the stench of a dead woodchuck under the porch?" The Boss says, "I think we should do a 'change' newsletter." The employees think, "Woodchuck."
Dilbert sits at his desk. A man says, "Hey, 'Dil-Butt,' I hear they got you doing budget work now." The man says, "Ha ha! It must be really exciting work. I mean, gosh, making all those numbers add up." The man walks away saying, "Ha ha! I'm glad I have a REAL job!" Dilbert clicks the mouse and thinks, "Not anymore."
Dilbert sits at a table in a restaurant with a two-headed woman. The woman says, "Our last blind date was intimidated just because we're two-headed and telepathic." Dilbert thinks, "Must clear my mind. Don't think of anything naughty." Dilbert thinks, "Oops." The woman spills her drink.
A woman stands in front of the Boss's desk holding a device. The woman says, "My 'defantalator' invention can eliminate the unproductive and naughty thoughts of your male employees." The woman continues, "We succeeded in getting men to stop ACTING like men, but it wasn't enough. Men must stop THINKING like men too." The Boss thinks, "Hmm . . . A little makeup and a new hairdo . . ." The woman points the invention at the Boss and says, "Hey! Cut it out!"
Dogbert stands on top of a beverage container and says, "To be a zombie you must drink the zombie elixir." Dogbert continues, "The zombie elixir will remove any distracting thoughts of sleep or family life." A man looks in his mug and says, "It looks like coffee." Dogbert holds a giant spoon of sugar and says, "You have to add one scoop of zombie sugar."
Dogbert says to the seminar participants, "As a zombie, you must speak in empty generalities." Dogbert continues, "Your business plan might say 'We strive to utilize a variety of techniques to accomplish a broad spectrum of results toward the bottom line.'" A man says, "Hey! My skin is getting clammy and I have the urge to call a meeting!" The man sitting next to him says, "Me too!" Dogbert says, "Good . . . Good . . ."
Dilbert and a woman sit at a table. The woman says, "We always used to go to the . . ." Someone blows a whistle. Dogbert approaches Dilbert from behind shouting, "Stop the action!" Dogbert points at the woman and says, "That's a penalty for talking about an old boyfriend!" Dogbert points at Dilbert and says, "The opposing date gets one minute to talk about a sports event!" Dilbert says, "Then Mullin hits the jump shot . . ." Dogbert blows the whistle. Dogbert says, "Penalty! Staring at the waitress for no legitimate reason!!" The woman thinks, "Yes!" Dogbert says, "The visiting team gets one minute to discuss 'feelings.'" The woman says, "I think of you in the 'friend' category." Dogbert waves his paws and shouts, "Score!!"
Alice walks down the hall thinking, "I am Alice the Compulsive Grabber." Alice thinks, "When I see things that are not right I must grab them." Alice grabs Dilbert's tie. Dilbert says, "In an hour or so I may have to ask you to stop that."
The Boss, Dilbert, Alice, Wally and an executive sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "You all know our president, Mister Goodenrich. He's here to answer any questions you have." Alice asks, "Why aren't there any women or minorities in senior management positions?" Mr. Goodenrich replies, "We think women are for making babies. As for minorities, we fear them." Wally asks, "How can you justify your ten million dollar salary when profits are down?" The president laughs and replies, "The board of directors are friends of mine and it's not their money they're spending." Dilbert asks, "Why does the company keep talking about employee training while at the same time slashing the training budget?" The president replies, "We think you're too dumb to train. We'll hire people from the outside if we need talent." Wally says, "I must say, your honesty is kind of refreshing." The president replies, "And you're all fired for asking questions."