Personal Stuff Comic Strips - Page 12
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The Boss says to his staff, "Ratbert is our new company concierge." Ratbert says, "I will perform any errand, no matter how personal or degrading it is." One employee says to Ratbert, "I need a loofah." Ratbert replies, "Lather me up!"
Catbert is standing on Wally's desk. Catbert says, "Your personal use of the internet is like stealing from the company!" Wally says, "You work in Human Resources; that's like stealing from the company, too." Wally continues, "Maybe we should form a gang."
Catbert, sitting at his desk, says to an employee, "Our records show that you used the internet for personal reasons. You're fired." The employee says, "Please, I merely ordered groceries online so that I might have more time for working." Catbert says, "My motto is, you can't spell 'who cares?' without H.R." The employee says, "It's evil, but it's true."
Dilbert, sitting at his computer, thinks, "I..must..resist..using..the internet for personal reasons." Dilbert thinks, "Gaa! There's a whole world of knowledge and entertainment at my fingertips...teasing me!" Catbert dangles an ice-cream cone from a pole in front of Dilbert. Dilbert says, "Ice Cream! I'm so hungry!" Catbert says, "No eating in your cubicle."
Catbert is standing on the boss's desk. Catbert says, "I fired everyone who used the internet for personal stuff." Catbert continues, "The only wrinkle in that policy is that you and I are the only employees left." Catbert says, "And frankly, I use the web for personal stuff too." The boss says, "Can you teach me how?"
Dilbert: It feel like everyone in the world is lying to me. Congress is lying about the budget. Stock analysts are lying about their recommendations, My boss is lying, This therapy stuff us scientifically proven to work, right? Therapist Its 100% effective.
Dilbert stands outside looking at his roof and says to the garbageman, "I hope it doesn't rain until my roof gets shingled." The garbageman asks, "Why don't you use your personal chaos-driven climate control appartus to control the rain?" Dilbert looks at him and says, "I...uh...don't have one." The garbageman holds out a gadget and says, "Here, you can use mine. Just reset the randomizer when you're done."
Headline: The Exit Interview. The Boss sits at his desk facing an employee. He says, "What would you say is your main reason for leaving?" The employee responds lightly, "I can't stand working for an unethical weasel." Catbert is sitting at his desk, across from The Boss. The Boss says, "Yep, personal problems." Catbert responds, "I'm glad that we collect this helpful data."
The Boss addresses a meeting, "Can anyone tell me why everyone is always late for my staff meetings?" Alice responds, "Because the first ten minutes are always stupid stuff like 'What are people late?'" Dilbert turns to Alice and says, "Alice, that was some of your finest work." Alice responds, "Thank you for noticing."
The Boss is walking past Wally. Wally says, "You're an ignorant maggot. You disgust me." Wally continues, "You should get a face transplant from a baboon." The Boss exclaims, "What?!" Wally points to his headset and explains, "I'm not talking to you. I'm using my hands-free phone." The Boss replies, "Oh.. for a minute I thought... well, nevermind." Wally says, "Ha ha! You might be the most gullible moron in the galaxy!" Wally yells, "You pointy-haired, gray-suited pile of crud!!!" The Boss faces Wally, fuming with anger. Wally says into his headset, "Mom, can you hold? My excellent boss wants to talk to me." Wally asks sheepishly, "What?" The Boss exclaims, "No personal calls on company time!"