Start As Morons Comic Strips - Page 12

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View 111 - 120 results for start as morons comic strips. Discover the best "Start As Morons" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 03, 2000's comic on:


Tags #internal clients, #tracking, #fake bills, #helpful

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The Boss says to Wally, "We're going to start tracking our time spent with internal clients." The Boss continues, "I will cleverly send fake bills to other departments to show how helpful we are." Wally replies, "I can't help you. I'm busy with my time sheet."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 08, 2000's comic on:


Tags #internet start up, #business plan, #vc and b and b

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Sitting at his desk, the Boss thinks to himself, "I should create my own little internet start-up." The Boss continues thinking, "All I need is a business plan." As the Boss approaches Carol's desk, Carol replies "The V.C. are sick of B to B." The Boss thinks to himself, "The Vietcong are sick of breakfast in bed?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 14, 2000's comic on:


Tags #not nine, #start at 8am, #ten minutes early, #work start, #late, #tardy, #hour late

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Wally says to the Boss, "I was so motivated by your pep talk yesterday that I came to work ten minutes early!" The Boss replies, "Wally, we start at eight, not at nine." Wally responds, "That's gonna cost you ten minutes."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 17, 2000's comic on:


Tags #business manager, #for celebrities, #have locks, #life story, #sign here, #film on thursday, #someone steal your fortune, #the biography channel

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Dogbert approaches Dilbert and says, "I decided to become a business manager for celebrities." Dilbert asks Dogbert, "Why?" Dogbert replies, "Because banks have locks." A celebrity enters Dogbert's office. Dogbert says to the celebrity, "Everything you own has been put in my name...for...um...tax purposes." The celebrity replies, "You're such a good friend. How can I ever repay you?" Dogbert responds, "You can sign this. It gives me the rights to your life story." The celebrity signs the document. Dogbert says to him, "In the unlikely event that someone steals your fortune and you become a pathetic drug addict..." Dogbert continues, "...I can sell your story to the 'biography' channel." Dogbert says to the celebrity, "They start filming on Thursday."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 23, 2001's comic on:


Tags #brokerage firm, #discount, #lowest commissions, #customers, #keeping records

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Dogbert and Dilbert are sitting on a sofa. Dilbert is snacking on a bag of chips. Dogbert says, "I'm going to start up a discount brokerage firm." Dilbert chews as Dogbert says, "I'll offer my lowest commissions to customers who don't mind bad advice and verbal abuse." Dogbert says, "Did I mention that I won't be keeping any records?" Dilbert says, "You didn't need to."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 15, 2001's comic on:


Tags #most valuable asset, #rampant ignorance, #really cost, #better jobs, #across the street, #don't know bugs, #wearing trash cans, #accidental exposure, #consultant, #business

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Dogbert is sitting at a conference table across from Dilbert and Alice and flanked by the boss and Wally. Dogbert says, "What is your most valuable asset?" Wally says, "Employees?" The boss stifles a laugh "Hee" Dogbert says, "Your most valuable asset is rampant ignorance." Dogbert continues, "For example, you would never start a project if you knw how much it would really cost." Turning to Wally, Dogbert says, "Employees stay here because they don't know there are better jobs across the street." Wally says, "What?" Turning to the boss, Dogbert says, "Customers buy your products because they don't know about all the bugs." The boss says, "Good point." Holding a trashcan, Dogbert says, "I recommend wearing trash cans on your heads to avoid any accidental exposure to knowledge." An employee, wearing a trashcan over his head, says, "Did he tell you he was a consultant?" Another trashcanned employee says, "He said he was selling trash cans."

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Share June 09, 2001's comic on:


Tags #blah blah, #escape, #gnaw arm, #non stop talker, #trapped in cucbicle, #want to escape, #trapped animal, #people leave

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Dilbert sits in his cubicle as a co-worker says, "BLAH, BLAH, BLAH." Dilbert thinks to himself, "I'm trapped in my own cubicle." Dilbert looks down at his arm and thinks, "Maybe I can gnaw off my arm to escape." Dilbert stands in front of Dogbert with a bandage on his arm. Dogbert asks, "And that worked?" Dilbert replies, "People don't stick around when you start gnawing on your arm."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 14, 2001's comic on:


Tags #new things to say, #fill airtime, #let other people talk

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Dilbert and Wally stand having coffee. Wally says, "I'm running out of new things to say." Wally continues, "I'll have to start repeating myself just to fill the airtime." Dilbert replies, "You could let other people talk." Wally continues, "So, anyway, I'm running out of new things to say."

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Share June 24, 2001's comic on:


Tags #email down, #ancients do, #combustible material, #coworker scared, #hold me, #entire life, #hug, #bad hug, #have coffee, #drop off

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Dilbert sits in front of his computer. He screams, "GAAA!! E-mail is down!" Dilbert thinks to himself, "Don't panic...think...how would the ancients handle this?" Dilbert stands at the entrance to his cubicle and thinks, "I've got combustible materials...I can start some sort of fire." Susan walks into Dilbert's cubicle and says, "E-mail is down...Hold me." Dilbert allows Susan to hug him, holding his arms out ahead of him. He thinks, "I'll keep my arms straight out so I don't seem too eager." Dilbert continues thinking, while Susan hugs him, "This may be the least satisfying hug of my entire life." Wally walks into the cubicle and says, "E-mail is working again." Carol asks, "So, would you like to have some coffee?" Dilbert answers, "Sure! I'll be doing my e-mail. Just drop it off."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 03, 2001's comic on:


Tags #start on monday, #service industry, #space -time, #contiuum, #calendar, #no mondays

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Dilbert stands at a table reviewing a sheet of paper with a contractor. The contractor says, "Here's my estimate. I'll start the job on Monday." The contractor continues, "When I say 'Monday,' I'm referring to the service industry's space-time continuum." The contractor holds out a calendar and says, "I'm not supposed to show you this, but check out the calendar." Dilbert looks and says, "No Mondays."