Stuff To Steal Comic Strips - Page 12
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222 Results for Stuff To Steal
View 111 - 120 results for stuff to steal comic strips. Discover the best "Stuff To Steal" comics from Dilbert.com.
Thursday March 29,
2007
Sunday April 08,
2007
Transcript
"If I invented something that would give me unlimited power..." "...Would you kill me in my sleep so you could steal it?" "Of course not." "Good." "I mean, why would I wait until you were asleep?" "That's just burning daylight." "In fact, I'm thinking of killing you right now just in case you already invented it and you're trying to decide whether you should tell me." "It was a hypothetical question." "Maybe, but it's not a chance I'm willing to take."
Saturday August 11,
2007
Tags dogbert for president, terrorits, skull, salad bowls, steal money, vote, pollution has viatamins, lies, fabrications, intimidations, Politics
Transcript
Dogbert for President "Vote for me or the terrorists will use your skulls for salad bowls." "I promise to take money from the people who don't vote for me and give it to the people who do." "Pollution has vitamins!" "I like how he makes me feel."
Friday March 21,
2008
Tags dried up head, evil director, free stuff, hr, inquiry, trouble saying no
Transcript
Catbert: Evil director of human resources Is there a company sponsored program for regrowing my lost soul? CatBert: No, but I'd be happy to bat your dried-up head until it snaps off. Dilbert: I have trouble saying no to free stuff."
Thursday October 16,
2008
Tags dogcart the ceo, start rumors, spread lies, stock pop up, stock options, steal, before computers
Transcript
Dogbert the CEO Dogbert thinks, "Start some rumors, spread some lies..." Dogbert says, "Wait for the stock to pop up... exercise my stock options... bang!" Dogbert thinks, "How did people steal before computers?"
Tuesday December 02,
2008
Tags boss, office workers, conference room chairs, cubicles, steal chairs, steal
Transcript
The boss: Carol I want you to take any conference room chairs that re in cubicles and put them back where they belong. Carol: People are going to steal the chairs back as soon as I leave. The boss: Maybe, but do it anyways. Carol: So... we agree that there's no way to tell if I really did it?
Sunday January 04,
2009
Tags form, signature, anger, frustration, questions
Transcript
woman says, "You need to sign the corporate code of conduct." Wally says, "Wow! You're totally hot." woman says, "Um?That's inappropriate, and you need to sign the code of conduct." Wally says, "I don't have a pen, can you take it back to your cubicle and sign it for me?" woman says, "No. And I think you're lying about not having a pen. But maybe we can find one for you." Wally says, "See if Dilbert is in his cubicle, I usually take his stuff and blame the cleaners." woman says, "Just sign the #%!*! code of conduct or I will crush your stupid, bald head!" Wally says, "Do I need to read it?" Woman says, "No. Just say you did."
Wednesday February 11,
2009
Tags job, hatred, advise, business
Transcript
Dilbert works in collections Dilbert says, " how am I supposed to collect money from people who don't have any?" Woman says, "Tell them to rob someone you don't like." Dilbert says, "?and that's my supervisor's home address. But you'd better hurry before all the good stuff is gone."
Monday June 15,
2009
Tags talking, plans, greed, pirates
Transcript
Dogbert the CEO Dogbert says, "I'm thinking of becoming a Somalian pirate." Dogbert says, "I'd still get to steal from stockholders, but my booty wouldn't be taxed." Dogbert says, "And who doesn't like grenade launchers? Ka-pow!" Dilbert says, "Mom? Cancel your cruise."
Sunday October 18,
2009
Tags asking, project, complaining, time, work, cruel, mean
Transcript
the Boss says, "I need you to write a white paper for an industry trade association." Dilbert says, "Fine, but that will leave me with less time to work on my project." The Boss says, "Do the trade association stuff during your unproductive time." Dilbert says, "What exactly is my 'Unproductive time'?" The Boss says ,"It goes by many names, including sleep, leisure and healthy lifestyle." Dilbert says, "If I do less of those things it will reduce the quality of my life below the point at which good hygiene has any utility." The Boss says, "I don't want to make out with your. I just want you to work harder for no extra money." The Boss thinks, "I spend too much time explaining the obvious."