Above Salary Midpoint Comic Strips - Page 12

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

143 Results for Above Salary Midpoint

View 111 - 120 results for above salary midpoint comic strips. Discover the best "Above Salary Midpoint" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ranking, #rating system, #salary depnds, #bpss, #defends, #managers, #ring a bell

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss's secretary tells Dilbert, "He's with the other managers in an employee ranking and rating session." The secretary continues, "Your salary depends on how well your boss can defend your proposed raise to the other managers." Dilbert covers his eyes and sobs. A man says to the Boss, "I'm fairly sure this Dilbert guy works for you." The Boss replies, "Doesn't ring a bell."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #quality assurance, #heres resume, #words spelled wrong, #not even bothered, #hired, #base salry

View Transcript

Transcript

Ratbert stands on the Boss's desk and says, "I'd be perfect for the job in quality assurance. Here's my resume." The Boss looks at the resume and asks, "Are you bothered by the fact that half of your words are spelled wrong?" Ratbert replies, "Nope! I'm not even bothered by your anal-retentive behavior." The Boss says, "You're hired. Your bonus will equal negative 100% of your base salary, okay?" Ratbert says, "I don't see any problem with that."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #downsize wally, #downsized, #economic neccessity, #exercise didn't work, #salary, #stressful job, #team builkding, #value of stock options, #afford movies, #money

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss sits at his desk and says, "Dilbert, I've decided to downsize you." The Boss continues, "It's nothing personal, just an economic necessity." Dilbert tugs nervously at his necktie. The Boss says, "I calculated how much your salary was dragging down the value of my stock options." The Boss continues, "Without you, I can afford to go to the movies one additional time per year." The Boss continues, "And let's face it: recreation is important when one has a stressful job." Dilbert waves his arms and says sarcastically, "Hey, why don't you downsize Wally instead. You'll save enough in office supplies to buy popcorn too. Sheesh!" The Boss thinks, "Mmm . . ." Wally asks Dilbert, "How'd it go?" Dilbert says, "You know that team-building exercise we did last week? It didn't take."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business language, #competetive, #salary increase goodbye, #core business, #lost, #empowered, #unimportant deciosns, #reengineering, #essential, #people person, #canibal, #hire trained people, #market driven, #balme cutsomers, #value employee input, #hour, #important

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert sits at a desk. The panel is titled "Business Language Explained." Someone says, "We have to be more competitive." Dilbert and Wally wear barrels instead of clothing. Wally says, "Nice barrel." Dilbert replies, "This old thing?" The caption says, "Meaning: Say goodbye to salary increases." Someone says, "We must focus on our core business." The Boss feels his head and says, "Hello." The caption says, "Meaning: We can't find our butts with both hands." Someone says, "You are empowered." Alice sits at her desk wearing a crown and saying, "I proclaim this to be 'Green Ink Day.'" The caption says, "Meaning: You're the monarch of unimportant decisions." Someone says, "We're reengineering your function." A man and a horse are kicked out an office window. The caption says, "Meaning: Adios, Tonto, and the horse you rode in on." Someone says, "Training is essential." A man at a desk asks, "You were a cannibal?" A man wearing a grass skirt and a bone in his hair replies, "I'm a people person." The caption says, "Meaning: We're trying to hire some trained people." Someone says, "We're market driven." A woman doing research asks a man, "What's your favorite odor?" The caption says, "Meaning: We blame customers for our lack of innovation." Someone says, "We value employee input." Dilbert tells the Boss, "Thanks for listening." The Boss laughs hysterically. The caption says, "Meaning: We think humor is important."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #wally compensation, #equalibrium, #project, #lower quality, #consistent, #salary, #first month, #after raises, #achieved equilibrium, #money

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss, Alice, Wally and Dilbert sit at a conference table. Wally says, "This week I kicked off the 'Wally Compensation Equilibrium Project.'" Wally continues, "My goal is to lower the quality of my work until it is consistent with my salary." The Boss thinks, "I hate the first month after they see their raises." Wally says, "I'd go on, but I just achieved equilibrium."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #co worker, #current job, #engineer, #higher salary, #throughly unqualified, #unrealistic plans, #wally resign, #engineering

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert and Wally stand in the office kitchen. As he pours himself a cup of coffee, Wally says, "So I'm thinking I'll resign, then I'll reapply for my current job at a higher salary." As they walk back to their cubicles, Dilbert says, "That's a good plan except for the fact that you're thoroughly unqualified for your current job." Wally says, "I need to share my unrealistic plans with a friend who isn't an engineer." Dilbert says, "I'm more of a co-worker than a friend, per se."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #catbert hr driector, #new employees, #always quit, #reapply, #old job, #higher salary, #catnip, #rubbing body

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally sits across from Catbert's desk. Catbert says, "Wally, it might not seem fair that new employees are paid more than you . . ." Catbert continues, "But you could always quit and then reapply for your old job at a higher salary." Wally says angrily, "I just might do that!!" Catbert says, "Would you mind rubbing this catnip all over your body first?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #director of marketing, #annoying, #illogical, #whack, #better owner, #salary to earnings

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert and Wally stand in front of Ratbert who is standing on a desk. Dilbert says, "Ratbert, we'd like you to be the Director of Marketing for the company we're starting." Ratbert says, "Okay! What do I do?" Dilbert responds, "Be as annoying and illogical as you can. We'll whack you in the head with balled-up socks to make you shut up." Ratbert lies on the table after being beaten with socks. Dilbert says, "It's definitely better to be an owner than an employee." Wally says, "Let's link his salary to earnings! Hee hee!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #fair enogh, #no signs, #running side business, #yellow pages, #employees, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says to Dilbert, "It has come to my attention that some employees are running side businesses from their cubicles." Dilbert responds, "Really?" The Boss continues, "I don't want to see any signs of that in my department." Dilbert says, "Fair enough." As the Boss walks away Dilbert asks, "What about 'Yellow Pages' ads?" On Dilbert's cubicle there is a sign that says, "Walbert Inc." Above the other cubicles there are signs that say, "Software Outlet," "Sale," "Palms Read $25," and "Shoe World."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #mister catbert, #total compensation plan, #salary alone, #danger, #balances out, #employee benefits, #lower blood pressure, #rubbing soft belly, #trick, #health benefit

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss, Catbert, Dilbert, Alice and Wally sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "Mister Catbert will explain our new 'total compensation plan' for excellence." Catbert says, "We no longer view compensation in the narrow terms of salary alone." Dilbert, Alice and Wally think, "Danger! Danger!" Catbert continues, "If employee benefits go up, then salaries can go down and it all balances out." Catbert lies on the table and says, "For example, did you know you could lower your blood pressure by rubbing my soft, furry belly?" Alice says, "It might be a trick!" Wally thinks, "What's the worst thing that could happen?" Wally rubs Catbert's stomach and Catbert shouts, "Ha ha ha!!! It's a health benefit! Now I'll cut everybody's salary!" Dilbert, Alice and Wally look shocked and their hair and clothing is disheveled. Dilbert says, "I've noticed that the more health benefits I get, the worse I feel."