Ask Comic Strips - Page 12
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Character
413 Results for Ask
View 111 - 120 results for ask comic strips. Discover the best "Ask" comics from Dilbert.com.
Tuesday September 30,
2014
Tags company culture, culture, hiring, incompetence, work culture, good fit, stigma, cultural hires, wishes, rise above
Transcript
Larry: Hi, I'm Larry. I was hired because I'm a good cultural fit. I hope we can get past the stigma that cultural hires are incompetent. But I don't know how to do that. Alice: Maybe you could ask a competent person to help you.
Thursday September 25,
2014
Leadership
Tags boss, leadership, Opinion, leader, perception, idiot leader, decision
Transcript
Boss: I need your opinion before I make a decision. Dilbert: Studies show that if you ask for my opinion, I will no longer perceive you as a leader. Boss: And if I do not ask for your opinion? Dilbert: I would perceive you as an idiot and a leader.
Tuesday August 19,
2014
Tags contracts, lawyers, porposal, incomprehensible document, complexity
Transcript
Boss: Your proposal with the three bullet points looks good to me. I'll ask my lawyers to turn it into an incomprehensible nine-page document that introduces complexity risks for... no... reason. Can I get back to you in the year 2018? Man: Stop making me cry!
Friday August 01,
2014
Tags executives, obliviousness, act like start up, ask for funding, hacker
Transcript
CEO: We need to act more like a start-up. Dilbert: You mean we can ask for funding for one thing and then pivot six times and build something entirely different? CEO: Is there a version where we don't do any of that and I can still call myself a hacker?
Sunday July 27,
2014
Tags work load, complaints, inexperinced, exact opposite, doesn't know much, hired useless man, bad attendence, not perfect, ask questions
Transcript
Boss: You complained about your work load, SO I hired an inexperienced guy to help. Dilbert: This is exactly the opposite of what I wanted. Boss: He doesn't know much, But he makes up for it by asking lots of questions. Dilbert: So He'll be bugging me every minute? Boss: Not every minute. He takes a lot of sick days. Dilbert: So....you hired a guy who is useless, But its okay because he also has bad attendance? Boss: Its not a perfect world. Is this a good time to ask some questions?
Sunday June 29,
2014
Tags computers & peripherals, cruelty, tech supprt, highly trained engineer, electrical engineer, most proabable, reinstalled software, rebooted, default, request
Transcript
Dogbert: This is tech support. How may I help you? Dilbert: Before we start, I need to tell you that I'm a highly trained electrical engineer. I have already eliminated all of the most probable causes of my issue. I have reinstalled the software and I have rebooted several times. So please, if you have any respect for humanity, do not start this call by insisting that I reboot again. Can you do that? Can you not ask me to reboot as your first suggestion? Dogbert: Try rebooting. Dilbert: Gaaa!!! Dogbert: I kinds love my job.
Tuesday May 27,
2014
Tags environmental issues, batteries discarded, landfill, janitor, trash, garbage, recycle
Transcript
Boss: For environmental reasons, all used batteries must be discarded in the special receptacle in the break room. When it's full, the janitor will dump it into the regular trash and take it to the landfill. Dilbert: Maybe we could ask him not to. Boss: No one know what language he speaks.
Thursday April 17,
2014
Tags interviews, human resources, random statements, ostriches eye, bigger than brain, randomness, confession, job interview, approved questions, business
Transcript
Boss: I'm only allowed to ask interview questions that have been approved by Human Resources. And they haven't approved any yet. So all I can do is make random statements. An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. Interviewee: So is mine!
Thursday February 20,
2014
Tags death & dying, inventions, health directive, technological progress, transhumanism, kill me, robot body forever, make painful
Transcript
Dilbert: I'm updating my health directive to account for technological progress. When the age of transhumanism is upon us, I want you to kill me so I don't live forever in a robot body. Dogbert: Sure. Can I make it painful? Dilbert: Why would you even ask that?
Friday January 17,
2014
Tags managers & supervisors, vendor, software patch, installed, add value, tested, business
Transcript
Boss: Ask the vendor if they have a software patch to fix our problem. Dilbert: I already asked for the patch, installed it, and thoroughly tested in in production. Boss: I think I'll go add value someplace else. Dilbert: That's a good place to do it.


