Budget Freeze Comic Strips - Page 12
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316 Results for Budget Freeze
View 111 - 120 results for budget freeze comic strips. Discover the best "Budget Freeze" comics from Dilbert.com.
Monday March 31,
2008
Tags #coffee maker, #meeting, #not enough money, #raise, #too much, #budget, #business
Transcript
The boss: I'd like to give you a raise but I used the entire budget on a new coffee maker. It's a nice one.There's talk that I paid too much for you."
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Tuesday March 25,
2008
Tags #hired archaeologist, #desk clutter, #copier reapirman, #used tools, #not fast, #found in clutter, #skull of men
Transcript
Carol, I hired famed archaeologist Dogbert to find the budget report in the clutter of your desk. Dogbert: This appears to be a copier repairman skull, possibly a ricoh or kyocera. I think he used tools. Carol: Not fast enough."
Sunday March 09,
2008
Tags #online budget approval, #process making changes, #classes, #approval process, #budget varience, #broken system, #charges, #cubicle, #billable project, #exaggerating accomplishments
Transcript
Dilbert: Out online budget approval system isn't working. There's a process for making changes to the system, but I don't know it. I could take a class to learn the process, but there's also a process for approving classes. I could learn the process for approving classes, but I'd still need approval for a budget variance to take the class. And I can't get that because the online budget approval system is broken. I can't even have this conversation because it will make me charge too much of my engineering time to administrative overhead. So I'll go sit in my cubicle and pretend to be thinking about a billable project. It looks like I'll be exaggerating my accomplishments again this year.
Thursday January 10,
2008
Tags #aligns with priorities, #budget, #lying, #priorities, #questiong
Transcript
The Boss: Tina, put together a document showing how our budget aligns with out priorities. Tina: It doesn't. The Boss: Write it so it seems like it does. Tina: Isn't that lying? The Boss: I call it leadership by words.
Sunday December 09,
2007
Tags #cost estimate, #user requirements, #estimate, #go over budget, #fired, #Number, #ten million dollars, #know cost, #input
Transcript
The Boss: "I need a cost estimate on your project." Dilbert: "I have no idea I haven't even gathered the user requirements." The Boss: "Don't worry I won't hold you to the estimate." Dilbert: "Yes you will. You will put it in the plan, forget we had this conversation, and fire me when I go over budget." The boss: "Give me a number or I'll fire you right now." Dilbert: "Okay, it will cost ten million dollars." The Boss: "That's too high." Dilbert: "If you already know the cost why are you asking me?" The Boss: "So you'll feel like you had input." Dilbert: "Is input supposed to feel this bad?"
Thursday November 08,
2007
Tags #bar code scanner, #lab tests, #capital budget, #varainace, #three bids, #form a team, #purchase order, #quitters
Transcript
"I need a $1,600 handheld bar code scanner to finish my lab tests." "Okay. Apply for a capital budget variance, prepare an RFP, get three bids, form a team to evaluate the bids, then prepare a purchase order." "Never mind. I'll just learn how to read bar codes by sight." "Quitter."
Saturday September 01,
2007
Tags #typo in budget, #2 things, #can't buy, #hardware, #software, #boss, #offcie, #engineering
Transcript
The Boss: "I made a typo in my annual budget request, but don't worry." "There are only two things you can't buy for the test lab this year." "Hardware and software."
Friday August 31,
2007
Tags #firing, #let go, #no money, #budget, #typo, #request, #planning reward, #hard work
Transcript
The Boss: "Ted, I have to let you go, but there's a good reason." "There's no money to pay your salary because I made a typo in my budget request." "Until then, I was totally planning to reward your hard work."
Saturday July 28,
2007
Tags #eliminated budget, #automated test software, #new code, #automated test, #end any converstaion, #calling person big baby
Transcript
Dilbert: "You eliminated the budget for automated test software. How are we going to test our new code?" The Boss: "Go write some automated test software, you big baby. I already pay you, so it's free." Dilbert: "Today I learned I can end any conversation by calling the other person a big baby." Dogbert: "Waa-waa! Do you want your bottle?"
Saturday June 09,
2007
Tags #software, #budget, #computer, #tiny mittens, #thermometer, #hell, #your turn, #nice guy, #intern, #abused, #mean coworkers, #technology, #engineering
Transcript
Asok: I need this software to do my job. The Boss: "The software budget is spent. Just share a computer with someone who has this software." Alice: "Why don't you take your tiny mittens and a thermometer to hell and wait for a sign that it's your turn."