Claim Success Comic Strips - Page 12

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

205 Results for Claim Success

View 111 - 120 results for claim success comic strips. Discover the best "Claim Success" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 09, 2011's comic on:


Tags #inventions, #managers & supervisors, #portal, #parallel uiverse, #more prodcutive, #universe, #cops, #alice killed boss, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok says, "I created a portal to a parallel universe. My success was possible because Alice killed our boss so we are all more productive." Alice says, "Step aside. The cops have been sniffing around and I need something from the other universe." Alice says, "Look on the bright side, Asok. Some other universe just got a lot more productive."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 12, 2011's comic on:


Tags #dating, #inventions, #dead end job, #developing an app, #spare time, #lottery ticket, #odds of success, #relationships

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says, "It might look as if I'm in a dead-end job, but I'm developing an app in my spare time." Woman says, "Here's a lottery ticket. I just doubled your odds of success." Woman says, "I bought two for myself so I don't need to make an app."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 19, 2010's comic on:


Tags #website, #revamp, #launch, #technology, #crash, #success, #failure

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says, "We launched our revamped website today." Dilbert says, "All of the technology we used is already obsolete and every vendor we hired is out of business." Dilbert says, "?And it just crashed." Dilbert says, "I miss the days when we had brief windows of success."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 11, 2010's comic on:


Tags #hunting trip, #elk, #skeptical, #missing, #story, #saddle

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "My hunting trip was a huge success. I bagged an elk." Carol says, "Hmmm?" Carol says, "That's not like you. There's something missing in this story." The Boss says, "It had a saddle." Carol says, "And there it is."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 04, 2010's comic on:


Tags #empire consultant, #crown, #king, #attendance, #present, #luck, #bit rate, #lab coat, #raise hand

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert the empire builder consultant Dogbert says, "Success is just attendance plus luck." Dogbert says, "You always want to be in the general vicinity when something good happens." Dilbert says, "Wow. I just doubled the bit rate." Boss says, "Present!"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 24, 2010's comic on:


Tags #Advice, #death ray, #invention, #evil, #coffee maker, #disservice, #success, #garbage man

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says, "My company wants to turn my invention into a death ray. How can I stop them from succeeding?" Garbage man says, "There is one natural force that can stop any form of success. It goes by the name?" Dilbert says, "Wally?" Wally says, "How may I be of disservice?"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 22, 2010's comic on:


Tags #lab coat, #invention, #scan, #brain, #predict, #buy, #kill, #suspicious, #microwave, #smoke out of ears, #rays

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says, "My invention can scan a person's brain and predict his buying decisions." Dilbert says, "It says you plan to buy? a blunt object so you can kill me and claim credit for my invention." Dilbert says, "I anticipated that, which is why I included a feature to microwave the offending part of your brain." FERT!

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 07, 2010's comic on:


Tags #report, #oil rigs, #explode, #medicine, #bacteria, #pharmaceuticals, #government, #share holder, #success, #lie

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "I'm happy to report that none of our oil rigs exploded." The Boss says, "Our children's pharmaceuticals are not tainted with bacteria, and the government is not investigating our financial practices." The Boss says, "All we're doing is quietly losing share-holder value." CEO says, "I knew it would feel like success if we kept at it!"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 29, 2010's comic on:


Tags #slug, #success, #energy, #fast, #fat, #stick paper, #slimy, #face, #health

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says, "My success depends on your doing your role in a timely and energetic manner." Dilbert says, "People say you're a big, fat slug, but I have confidence in you. I'll stick this to your slimy face and hope for the best." Dilbert says, "I like to think I'm a pretty good judge of character."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 22, 2010's comic on:


Tags #meeting, #definition of success, #slowing of failure, #rate of doing nothing, #improve, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "The company is happy to annouce that compaired to previous years, we improved our rate of revenue decline." The Boss says, "We've been doing great since we redefined success as a slowing of failure." The Boss says, "Moving on. Who has a status report?" Wally says, "I improved my rate of doing nothing."