Don't Know My Job Comic Strips - Page 12
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alice: can you mentor me? boss: heck, no. you're only one promotion away from competing for my job. alice: well, maybe you could just stop thwarting my career? boss: no, same issue.
dogbert's tech support ted: i can't figure out how to use your product. what should i do? dogbert: i recommend changing jobs to something less challenging. ted: are you saying i'm dumb? dogbert's once from phone: no. no. no. i'm only implying it.
boss: i hired the dogbert tech support team to help with customer calls because our user interface is so sadistic. dilbert: wouldn't that be adding insult to injury? boss: how so? dogbert in a office at a desk yelling: try rebooting, you idiot. and don't call again!
boss: i hired a sadist to design our user interfaces. i realize this isn't ideal, but no one else wanted the job. dilbert: why would our customers buy a product designed by a sadist? boss: it's called stockholm syndrome.
dilbert: what do you think? boss: this will never work. dilbert: this isn't a prototype. this is the finished software, and it's working. boss: i don't see how you can get this done in time. dilbert: it's already done. you are literally using it while we are talking. boss: we don't have the resources to program this. dilbert yelling: it's already done! you. are. using. it. right. now! boss: you'd better settle down, or you'll never get this finished.
wally: how did your conference call go? dilbert: normal. it took us twenty minutes to get everyone connected, followed by forty minutes of garbled speech that no one understood. the meeting ended when everyone got tired of pretending something useful was happening. wally: i didn't really care.
boss: dilbert, you'll be reporting to the vp of sales for the new project. you will also be reporting to me as usual. dilbert: congratulations on making me hate my job more than ever. boss: and you said it couldn't be done.
dilbert: our ceo will be visiting the office tomorrow, so act busy. and don't look directly at him because i don't want him to see how dead your eyes look. dilbert: can we ask him questions? boss: no, nothing good can come from that.
boss: how long will it take to write the software? dilbert: that depends. what do you want the software to do? boss: i don't know yet. dilbert: do you see the problem here? boss: is it you?
boss: i need everyone to come to the thursday meeting so we can decide when to schedule our next meeting. dilbert: why don't we just have the meeting on thursday? dilbert: see me later, so i can berate you for saying that. dilbert: do we need a meeting to schedule that?