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The Boss sits behind his desk. Alice stands. The boss says, "My sources tell me that you're not meeting your objectives." Alice says, "That's not true. Who are these sources? Name one objective I haven't met." The Boss says, "I don't even know what your objectives are." Alice clenches her fists of death, Alice thinks, "Must.. control... fists."
Catbert walks on the wall of Wally's cubicle. He thinks, "The evil director of human resources spots his prey." Catbert stands on top of Wally's computer and says, "Wally, you haven't filled out a vacation request form yet." Catbert continues, "If we don't get it by tomorrow, you lose your vacation." Wally asks, "Where do I get a form?" Catbert replies, "We're all out." Wally is furious and screams, "Did they ever exist?" Catbert says, "Wally, does anything really exist, or is it all just shadows on a cubicle wall?" Catbert stands and says, "I leave you with that thought." Catbert continues walking on the wall of the cubicle as Wally bangs his head on his desk. Catbert thinks, "Who says philosophy is useless?"
Ted stands behind Dilbert. Dilbert sits at his computer. Ted says, "I have no useful skills or knowledge. I compensate by 'raising issues'." Ted announces, "Our salespeople haven't been trained for the new product!!" Ted says, "Someone should have a meeting about that." Dilbert says, "Wow, I can actually hear oxygen being wasted."
Alice, Wally and Ted sit at a conference table. Alice and Wally blab on. Ted thinks, "I haven't talked yet, but all the good points have been taken." Ted says, "We must make sure our momentum aligns with our value-added distribution!" Alice says, "That was just babble, right?" Ted says, "All the good ones were taken."
Dilbert and The Boss. Dilbert says, "You haven't interfered with my project in weeks. Something must be wrong." The Boss responds, "I believe in empowering my employees and staying out of the way." Dilbert, in a surprised manner, says, "Am I going to find my real boss's body in a dumpster?" The Boss says, "There's extra money in the budget. Would you like a bonus?"
Caption: Dogbert the C.E.O. Dogbert sits behind his desk while Ted stands directly across from him. Dogbert says, "I need a personal 'gopher.' Are you interested?" Ted answers, "Sure!" Dogbert says, "Good. You'll wear a special uniform and a have a special office to show your status." Ted dressed in a gopher outfit stands in hole next to Dogbert's desk. Dogbert tosses a crumpled piece of paper that bounces off Ted's head. There are several pieces of crumpled paper on floor surrounding Ted. Dogbert says, "Sheesh. I haven't made a bank shot yet."
Caption: "Catbert: Evil H.R. Director" Catbert remarks to Alice, "You look stressed out, Alice." Catbert says, "I could fix that by becoming a champion for improvements in the workplace." Catbert says, "Or I could give you a little booklet called 'Stress No More'." Catbert says, "Hmm.. I wonder which way is best." Alice reaches for booklet. Alice reads, "'Stress is your body's way of saying.." Alice continues, "'..You haven't worked enough unpaid overtime.'" Alice starts to get mad. Catbert says, "I've never seen a woman's forehead ignite her hair before."
Dilbert is sitting at his computer and says, "I'm wearing work clothes while I telecomute, to maintain discipline." Dobgert stands behind him and says, "Is it working?" Dilbert gets up and walks to the kitchen and says, "I'll test the theory by seeing if my clothes stop me from going to the kitchen." Dilbert sits at the kitchen table holding a sandwich. The table is covered with food: potato chips, fruit, soda, pickles, etc. He says, "Apparently my clothes are defective. Dogbert says, "Haven't I been saying that?"
Dilbert holds a greeting card and says, "Let's see... it looks like you haven't signed Ted's card yet." Alice is sitting at her computer and glares. Alice slams a rubber stamp down on the card. Dilbert looks at the card and says, "Do you think 'congratulations' is appropriate for a death in his family?" Alice says, "You never know."
Dilbert is sitting on the couch. Ratbert says, "I submitted our garbage man's theory to the Nobel prize committee." Ratbert says, "I hope I wrote the theory right. I don't know shorthand so I used pig latin to save time." Nobel Prize Committee: Three guys with hair like Albert Einstein sit looking at papers. One says, "What's an "oton-phay"? A second guy says, "I love what you're doing with your hair."