Job Of Ceo Comic Strips - Page 12
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1000 Results for Job Of Ceo
View 111 - 120 results for job of ceo comic strips. Discover the best "Job Of Ceo" comics from Dilbert.com.
Saturday June 09,
2018
Wally's Stealth Drone
Tags #deception, #deceit, #drone, #technology, #invention, #fake
Transcript
Wally: In my right hand is a standard drone. In my left hand is a drone using the cloaking technology I invented. Voices: Ooh! Wow! Wally: I'll demonstrate it flying as soon as I finish the noise cancellation. CEO: Employee of the year!
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Tuesday May 29,
2018
Wife Versus Wifi
Tags #typo, #overreaction, #wife, #wi-fi, #offense, #relationships
Transcript
CEO: I want you to fire Dilbert for insulting my wife in his slide deck. Boss: The presentation was about wi-fi, not your wife. CEO: In my defense, they're both spotty.
Monday May 28,
2018
Wifi In Slide Deck
Tags #credibility, #typo, #spelling, #assumption, #ignorance, #obliviousness
Transcript
CEO: I can't take you seriously because there's a typo in your slide deck. You've lost all credibility because of your sloppy presentation. And don't mention my wife in your slide deck. Dilbert: That's "wi-fi."
Wednesday May 09,
2018
Our Api
Tags #hackers, #hacking, #api, #jargon, #obliviousness, #language
Transcript
Narrator: Dogbert The Reporter. Dogbert: How did hackers get access to your customer data? CEO: I'm told they used something called "our A.P.I." to suck out all the data. Dogbert: I'll just say you'er stupid. CEO: Why does everyone always say that?
Wednesday April 04,
2018
Value Of An Employee's Life
Tags #big business, #ethics, #morals, #morality, #death, #damage, #value, #medical
Transcript
Dilbert: The proposed system would reduce accidental employee deaths by 20 percent. CEO: What is the ratio of the value of an employee's life compared to real people? Dilbert: I find your question disturbing. CEO: Just tell me the answer, halfling!
Sunday March 18,
2018
Tags #sociopath, #obliviousness, #tell-all
Transcript
Dilbert: There's a new tell-all book about our company. CEO: How bad is it? Dilbert: It's bad. Anonymous sources within the company say you're a "raging sociopath with the intellect of a clam." CEO: Put out a press release denying those lies! Dilbert: That's going to be tricky to write. CEO: Just say I deny being a sociopath with the mind of a clam. Also say I hope whoever said that about me dies a slow and terrible death. Is that clear? Dilbert: Yes, on many levels.
Friday March 09,
2018
Boss Loves Criticism
Tags #mentor, #mentee, #protege, #Advice, #competition, #deception
Transcript
Alice The Mentor. Alice: One thing I can tell you about our boss is that he loves constructive criticism. Man: I feel as if your advice is intended to make me fail because you see me as a threat to take your job. Alice: And he loves it when you grab him by the hair and yell, "handles!"
Thursday March 08,
2018
Alice Mentors The New Guy
Sunday March 04,
2018
Tags #add code, #corporate scamming, #darkest day, #designed new prodcut, #draft apology, #engineering success, #make unrelaible, #no upgarde, #press release, #ten years
Transcript
Dilbert: Ive designed our new product to work flawlessly for up to ten years. CEO: No one will need an upgrade. Thats no good. Add some code to low it down and make it unreliable after two years. CEO: But make sure the device doesn't slow down until we have an upgrade to sell. Then draft an apology I can put un a press realize when we get caught. Dilbert: You have turned my engineering success into the darkest day of my career. CEO: Thats not even close to being true. Your darkest day will be when the press figures out what we did and I fore you for it.
Saturday February 24,
2018
Millenial Fever
Tags #millennial, #positive reinforcement, #praise, #meaning, #purpose
Transcript
Dilbert: I got millennial fever from talking to a millennial. Now I see my job as a meaningless series of empty tasks. Catbert: What do you expect me to do about that? Dilbert: I was hoping for some praise.