Least Reason To Live Comic Strips - Page 12

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401 Results for Least Reason To Live

View 111 - 120 results for least reason to live comic strips. Discover the best "Least Reason To Live" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #apathy, #marketing guy, #customers, #write fiction, #biographies, #daily lives, #typical customers, #drown in aquariums

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Marketing Guy: We need to know how our customers live and work. I'd like each of you to write fictional biographies that describe the daily lives of our typical customers. I feel you're not taking this seriously. Dilbert: Most of our customers drown in aquariums. The Marketing Guy. Five Minutes Later.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #christmas, #christmas presents, #absolutely nothing, #guilty, #nothing to unwrap, #clutter, #return, #assemble, #holiday

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Dogbert: Merry Christmas. I got you the gift of absolutely nothing. Nothing to unwrap, nothing to clutter the house, nothing to return, nothing to assemble, and not a single thing to feel guilty about. Dilbert: You totally get me. Dogbert: It was the least I could do.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #hypocrisy, #golden rule, #test your rule, #hypocrite, #engineer, #hatred, #hypocricy, #manipulate, #engineering

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Boss: We can make this a great place to work by following the golden rule. Treat others as you would want them to treat you. Dilbert: That's dumb. Boss: It's not dumb! Dilbert: Let's test your rule. Would you like it if someone gave you a hundred dollars? Boss: Yes. Dilbert: Okay. So give me a hundred dollars. Or else forever live as a hypocrite who doesn't follow his own rule. Wally: Snork! Alice: Snork! Boss: I hate your engineering guts!!! Dilbert: At least you're making sense now.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business failures/bankruptcies, #honesty, #slide toward irrelevance, #redesign logo, #produce tablet computer, #ugly truth, #personified

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Man: There's nothing you can do about your company's long slide toward irrelevance. But if you redesign your logo and produce a tablet computer that no one buys, at least it will look like you're trying. CEO: Who are you? Man: I'm the ugly truth. Most people just ignore me.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #employees, #executives, #managers & supervisors, #engineers, #middleman, #worse case scenario, #business

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CEO: One of your engineers came to me with a suggestion. Boss: Gasp! CEO: The only reason I have middle managers is so this never happens. Dilbert: Hey, buddy. What are we talking about? CEO: Gaaa!!! Worst case scenario!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #frustration, #obstinacy, #test data, #email, #meaningless speech, #talk

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Dilbert: Can you email the test data to me? Coworker: We don't do it that way. Dilbert: That's not a reason. Coworker: I never give reasons. Dilbert: Nothing you say means anything! Coworker: That's how we've always done it.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #employees, #managers & supervisors, #money, #raise, #higher pay, #income higher, #boss salary, #intuition, #business

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Boss: I can't give you the raise you deserve because it would make your pay higher than mine. Alice: I don't see how that's a problem. Boss: Let me explain it to you this way, Alice. If you make more money than I do your compensation would be greater than mine. Alice: That's not a reason, you ignorant baboon! Boss: Okay, how about... I must be smarter than you because my income is higher. Alice: Gaaa!!! Boss: When I don't have reasons for things, is that called intuition or just common sense?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cruelty, #office workers, #unpaid intern, #resort fee, #work experience, #zips eyeholes, #leather hood

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Tina: Are you the new upaid intern? Coworker: No, but that's what I aspire to be. I'm merely an intern to another intern. And I pay a resort fee just to use the restroom. Tina: At least you get valuable work experience. Coworker: Until he zips the eyeholes on the leather hood I wear in meetings.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #recessions, #regular interns, #interns intern, #no pay, #semi relevant job experience, #slap you, #no reason, #stupid economy

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Boss: We don't have any openings for regular interns, but I can offer you a job as an intern to our intern. We won't pay you, of course, but you might acquire an imperceptible amount of semi-relevant job experience. And sometimes we'll slap you for no reason. Applicant: Stupid economy! I'll take it.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meetings, #discuss project, #civility is dead, #invited to meeting, #office

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Coworker: What's a good time to get together and discuss my project? Dilbert: Never. Every interaction I've had with you has been a waste of time. I have no reason to think it will be different in the future. Coworker: Sheesh! How did civility die? Dilbert: Maybe you invited it to a meeting.