Leave Employee Comic Strips - Page 12

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

758 Results for Leave Employee

View 111 - 120 results for leave employee comic strips. Discover the best "Leave Employee" comics from Dilbert.com.

Employee Weight Loss Contest

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Employee Weight Loss Contest - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #obesity, #health, #weight loss, #weight, #dieting, #cheating, #competition, #medical

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: Next month is employee health awareness month, so we decided to have a weight-loss competition. We'll start on the first of the month, and the winner gets a week of paid vacation. Wally: When he thinks back on this, he'll realize he shouldn't have given us three weeks to bulk up before the first weigh-in.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #engagement, #review, #shortcut, #honesty, #human resources, #hr, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: How's your employee engagement coming along? Dilbert: I'll make you a deal... I'll pretend I'm happy to be here if you pretend you believe it. Boss: I need more than that. I also want you to pretend you're loyal to the company. Dilbert: I can do that, if you pretend you're interested in my career development. Boss: Can we do all of that without talking? Dilbert: That's the best way. Boss: My job was a lot harder before I figured out all the shortcuts.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #scam, #death, #reincarnation, #con, #con artist, #ghost, #medical

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: I'm starting a new business selling clothes to ghosts. My garments are made of the finest ectoplasm. Dilbert: Ghosts don't have money. Dogbert: They don't need money. I'm using a life insurance business model. If you pay me until you die, I will keep your ghost well-dressed for eternity. I also offer reincarnation services. Leave all of your stuff to me when you die and I'll give it back to you when I find the baby that got your soul. Dilbert: You'll be in trouble if your customers realize you're running a scam. Dogbert: If dead people start complaining, we've both got bigger problems than my scams.

Phil From Heck And The Speakerphone

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Phil From Heck And The Speakerphone - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #annoying, #foibles, #pet peeve, #habit, #office, #cubicle

View Transcript

Transcript

Phil, The Prince Of Insufficient Light. Phil: I have a report that you use your speakerphone in a cubicle environment. Alice: In my defense, I only do it because of my total disregard for others. Phil: Sounds fair. That's why I do it too. Alice: Take your spoon and leave.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #financial, #jargon, #money, #accounting, #language

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I think it is important for every employee to understand our company's income statement. I don't have time to get into all of the details, so I'll hit the high points. Compared to last year... our ebida have been amortized over an accrued market discount. Meanwhile, our capital account liabilities have a pass-through income that is far larger than our on-time costs. And the mome raths outgrabe. Too far? Dilbert: I wasn't listening.

Wally Asks About Bereavement Leave

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Wally Asks About Bereavement Leave - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #laziness, #bereavement, #deception, #time off

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: Does the company offer bereavement leave? Boss: Yes. Wally: Good, because I have hundreds of cousins that don't 'take care of themselves. Cousin Ronnie just fell off a shed.

Who Alan Works For

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 Who Alan Works For - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #threat, #motivation, #fear, #work ethic

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: If you do what I tell you to do, I will nominate you for employee of the year. If not, I will spend the rest of my days spreading rumors about you. Terrible, terrible rumors. Dilbert: Hey, Alan. Who do you work for these days? Alan: Whoever scares me the most.

Ted Has No Family

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Ted Has No Family - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #human resources, #judgement, #deciding, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert: Ted went on extended disability because a fly went up his nose and laid eggs. Boss: I want to be green, but I don't know if I should side with the fly or the employee in this situation. Catbert: Well, for what it's worth, Ted doesn't have a family, but the fly does.

Pregnant Fly

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Pregnant Fly - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #safety, #accident, #osha, #hazard, #work environment

View Transcript

Transcript

Ted: I was walking past the employee ping-pong table and took one in the eye. This is an unsafe work environment. Gaaa!!! A fly went up my nose! Catbert: It looked pregnant.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #punctuality, #late, #excuses, #traffic, #sleep, #time management, #health

View Transcript

Transcript

Tina: Sorry I'm late. Traffic was terrible. Dilbert: Isn't the traffic from your house always terrible at this time of day? Tina: Exactly! That's why I'm late every day. Dilbert: Do you see any way you could fix that? Tina: I can't control the traffic. Dilbert: You could leave earlier. Tina: Then I wouldn't get enough sleep. Dilbert; You could go to bed earlier. Tina: Then I wouldn't have time to watch Netflix until two in the morning. Do you want me to hate my life? Dilbert: I didn't until now.