Lying Comic Strips - Page 12

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159 Results for Lying

View 111 - 120 results for lying comic strips. Discover the best "Lying" comics from Dilbert.com.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #show one house, #lying real estate agent, #loser

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The real estate agent dogcart: if you don't buy the house I showed you someone else will. and every time it appreciates another million dollars you will cry out, "why was I so stupid?! why?! Why?!" And I'll be all, "Loser! LO-O-O - sir!" are you really not allowed to show me more than one house?

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marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #manipulate, #lying, #Advice, #mayo clinic, #victim to source

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Dogbert: "You can manipulate people by lying about what other people said." "If your victim goes to the source and discovers your treachery, say, of course he tells you that." Dilbert: "Your advice doesn't sound healthy." Dogbert: "That's not what the Mayo Clinic said."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss's boss, #misinformed, #mismanaged, #oss confused, #poorly managed, #dont communicate

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wally: "Gaaa! Our boss's is coming!" Dilbert: "Where?" Zoop "Uh oh." "Hello, head count." Dilbert: "I need to run, tons of work." "Why? Are you poorly managed?" Dilbert: "No, we have everything we need! Everything is perfect." "So... was your boss confused, lying or misinformed when he asked me for more funding for your budget?" Dilbert: "Noooo! Ignore me! I don't know anything." "Hmm." "Dilbert says you don't communicate with the staff and don't need money." Dilbert: "Phew! I'm glad that's over."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #top down budget, #bottom up budget, #ignorance, #cruelty, #lying, #optimism, #cancel, #wasted hour

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Man: "I averaged the top-down budget with the bottom-up budget." "As you can see, the ignorance and cruelty canceled out the lying and optimism." Alice: "Do you have anything to cancel out feelings of a wasted hour?" Man: "Have you tried despair?"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #new corporate code, #report immediately, #señor management, #ship prodcuts, #defective, #take care, #lying, #report you

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The Boss addresses a meeting, "If you see anyone violating the new corporate code of ethics, report it immediately." Dilbert raises his hand and says, "I'd like to report our senior management for telling us to ship products that we know are defective." The Boss responds, "Yes, I will take care of that." Dilbert waves one hand, points his finger at The Boss with the other, and says, "Oooh! Oooh! Lying!!! I report you!!!"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #alice, #cell phone, #every two minutes, #flushable, #owner wonders where, #technology

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Alice is sitting in her cubicle. On the other side of the wall, a cell phone makes the noises, "Beep-beep-a-beep-beep-a-beep." Alice thinks, "Every two minutes." Alice looks into the next cubicle and and clenches her teeth at the cell phone lying there. A coworker approaches Alice and asks, "Have you seen my cell phone?" Alice responds, "Was it metallic, noisy and flushable?"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #disgruntled employees, #open door policy, #rush hour, #safely dropped, #traffic, #trap door, #eliminate whiners

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Catbert points to a drawing and says to The Boss, "The trap door will work with your 'open door policy' to eliminate whiners." Catbert continues, "Disgruntled employees will be safely dropped into rush hour traffic." The Boss is lying face down in a snowy street. Cars are passing him by. The Boss thinks, "I need to remember that's there."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #makes me happy, #exoskleton, #bad job, #social life, #chemicals, #illusion, #engineer, #soul, #therapy, #psychology, #engineering

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Dilbert is lying on a therapist's couch in an exoskeleton. He says, "My medication makes me happy despite my exoskeleton, bad job, and social life." Dilbert continues, "If chemicals can change the way I think and what I enjoy, then free will must be an illusion." The therapist asks, "What about your soul?" Dilbert responds, "I'm an engineer."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #prescription drugs, #happy, #genuine happiness, #cures worrying, #grow exoskeleton, #doctor, #no cares, #happy drug, #medical

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Dilbert is lying on the couch in his bathrobe. He says to Dogbert, "The prescription drugs make me happy, but I worry that it's not genuine happiness." Dogbert responds, "Ask your doctor for a drug that cures worrying. Then you'll have it all." The doctor hands Dilbert some pills and says, "It might make you grow an exoskeleton, but you won't care." Dilbert responds, "Cool."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bailing on project, #ensure survival, #loser pill, #rejected by wally, #pill, #therapy, #therapist, #psychology

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Wally says to Dilbert, "I'm bailing out of your project; it has the scent of failure." As Wally walks away, he adds, "I will attach myself to a more successful host to ensure my survival." Dilbert is lying on a therapist's couch. He says, "Do you have a pill for someone who gets rejected by Wally?" The therapist replies, "A loser pill?"