Missed Dead Line Comic Strips - Page 12

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

365 Results for Missed Dead Line

View 111 - 120 results for missed dead line comic strips. Discover the best "Missed Dead Line" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #customer, #hands, #refusal, #ridicule, #criticism, #germs, #angry

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss says, "Dilbert, I'd like you to meet one of our biggest customers. She has some technical questions." Dilbert says, "Whoa! Get that disease-infested paw away from me!" Dilbert says, "Don't you follow the news? Shaking hands is so 2008." Dilbert says, "No offense, but you look more like a virus incubator than a vigorous hand washer." Dilbert says, "So why don't you pull that death stick back up your sleeve and we can pretend this ugly incident never happened." Dilbert says, "And if it's not too much to ask, could you exhale toward things I'm likely not to touch?" Dilbert says, "Okay, now that the pleasantries are out of the way, what can I tell you about our new product line?" Dilbert says, "We lost a customer, but I survived the meeting." The Boss says, "Next time, do it the other way."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Environment, #cups, #paper, #hot, #ridiculous, #animal, #shocked, #crazy

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss says, "Our company had replaced styrofoam cups with paper cups to save the planet." The boss says, "They work just as well if you use a dead squirrel as an oven mitten." The boss says, "This one still has some fight left in him."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business plan, #confused, #deception

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss says, "your PowerPoint slides impressed the executives so much that they're changing our entire strategy." Dilbert says, "Those slides were nothing but a bunch of garbage dressed up to look good." The boss says, "And that's what our new product line will be!" Dilbert says, "Oh."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #yelling, #transfer, #job, #reprimand, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says, "There's an opening in my old department is it okay if I apply?" Collections supervisor says, "Sure. I'd be happy to toss that dead cat In someone else's backyard." Dilbert says, "I was worried that I might be too valuable?" Collections supervisor says, "Why are you still here?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #acting, #lesson, #occupation

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "We don't have enough money to fund your project, but I don't want to downsize you and shrink my empire." The Boss says, "I hired an acting coach to teach you how to hang around the office pretending to be useful." man says, "Are you dead or just non-expressive?" Dilbert says, "It's called a 'job'"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bacon and eggs, #breakfast, #breakfast foods, #chicken, #dead pig, #home early, #pig, #meeting, #animals, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss: As I gazed at my bacon and egg this morning, I realized... The chicken contributed, but the pig was commutted. I am so clever. Wally: If I promise to work like a dead big, can i go home early?

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #answer technical question, #bad actor, #best person, #fake own death, #helping customer, #insult dead, #just a quick question, #polite, #safest course, #work that divison, #commercial sales

View Transcript

Transcript

A man says, "Hi, I'm a customer of your commercial sales division." "The man says, "I heard you would be the best person to answer a technical question..." Dilbert says, "I don't work in that division." The man says, "I know. It's just a quick question." Dilbert says, "If I tell you something different from what the commercial division tells you, I'll get in trouble." Dilbert says, "But I'll also get in trouble for not helping a customer." Dilbert says, "My safest course of action is to fake my own death." The man says, "You're a bad actor." Dilbert says, "It isn't polite to insult the dead."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dead squirrel, #insulting, #knitting sweater, #makeup, #meeting, #no potential benefit, #time management, #time management expert, #woman as example, #hideous outfit, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert the Time Management Expert Dogbert says, "Never put time into an activity that has no potential benefit." Dogbert says, "For example, why bother putting on makeup if you're going to wear that hideous outfit?" Dogbert says, "That's like knitting a sweater for a dead squirrel."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #time management, #evolution, #good management, #tasks, #genes, #dead end

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert says, "Welcome to Dogbert's seminar on time management and evolution." Dogbert says, "The key to good time management is skipping un-important tasks." Dogbert says, "In module two, I will show you that everything you do is unimportant because your genes are a dead end."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bleed people, #living and dead, #awkward

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: Wally, in the past month you've blamed your lack of productivity on seven dead people and three who never existed." Wally: I used to blame living coworkers but it made the meetings awkward. The Boss: Whose fault is that? Wally: Here comes the awkward part.