Never Appear Less Valuable Comic Strips - Page 12

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957 Results for Never Appear Less Valuable

View 111 - 120 results for never appear less valuable comic strips. Discover the best "Never Appear Less Valuable" comics from Dilbert.com.

Pretending To Be Helpful

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 Pretending To Be Helpful - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #insulting, #coworkers, #consultation, #indirect, #pretend, #helpful, #grammar, #slide deck

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Dogbert consults Never insult your co-worers directly. Instead, undermine their confidence by pretending to be helpful. Wally: let me know if you need help fixing the grammar in your slide deck. Alice: what?

Wally Is Late For Meetings

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Wally Is Late For Meetings  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meetings, #tardy, #tardiness, #late, #time

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Boss: I'm getting a lot of complaints about you being late for meetings. Wally: They never talk about anything important in the first ten minutes. Boss: They're usually talking about you being late. Wally: Why would I need to be there for that?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #laziness, #accomplishment, #narcissist, #narcissism, #review, #firing, #excuse

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Narrator: The Underperforming Narcissist. Boss: Topper, you've accomplished nothing this year. Topper: Are you kidding? I'm the greatest employee this world has ever seen! Boss: You have literally done nothing useful for a year. Topper: Don't be ridiculous. Everyone knows that "less is more." And I've done far less than anyone. Wally: Sorry I'm late. I thought I heard an animal trapped in my car's engine. Boss: Did you do less than Wally? Topper: Maybe we could continue this talk when he's not in the office. Wally: Any time before 11 a.m. is usually good.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #antisocial, #goals, #achievement, #aspirations, #frustration, #reality

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Tina: Wally, do you have goals? Wally: My goal is to be an Olympic pole vaulter. Tina: You don't look... Wally: Sporty? Tina: I was going to say healthy. Wally: That's why Olympic pole vaulting is my goal> I wouldn't need a goal to do something easy. Tina: Are you training for it? Wally: No. Tina: You're living in a fantasy world! You'll never get to the Olympics! I can't sit here and listen to this. Dilbert: Looks like you accomplished your goal. Wally: Thanks for noticing.

Robot Can Take Boss's Job

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Robot Can Take Boss's Job  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers, #boss, #work, #ai, #artificial intelligence, #automation

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Robot: I wonder whose job I'll take first. Boss: You could never do my job. Robot: I'm doing it right now. Boss: You're not doing anything. Robot: Right. Let that sink in.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #negotiation, #demand, #haggle, #prices, #pricing, #negotiate

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Boss: Negotiate with your vendor and get the price down. Dilbert: I don't know how to negotiate. I'm an engineer. Boss: It's simple. All you need to do is make an aggressive first demand and settle for less. Dilbert: How aggressive are we talking about here? Boss: The more aggressive the better. Dilbert: That doesn't sound right. Boss: Trust me. More is better. Dilbert: My opening demand is that you name me as a beneficiary on your life insurance police, mow my lawn, and die in traffic on the way home. Boss: You got the price down by 35 percent. Dilbert: I really hoped it wouldn't work.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #condescention, #disagreement, #criticism, #snark, #body language, #argument

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Dilbert: Are there any questions? Man: Your plan is so dumb that I am forced to make my condescending face to respond. You are so dumb! Dilbert: Did you have a reason? Man: Do I have a reason? Hahaha! That's precious. There are so many reasons that I don't know where to start! Dilbert: Just pick one. Man: Haha! Easy. You will never get funded. Dilbert: It's already fully funded. What else do you have? Man: To be honest, all I had was the funding issues and this face.

Wally Is Working If You Don't See Him

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Wally Is Working If You Don't See Him - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #laziness, #deception, #invisibility, #work ethic

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Boss: How's your stealth clothing project coming along? Wally: Great. I'm usually testing the prototype in the office. That's why you rarely see me working. Boss: So... the less I see you work, the more successful you must be? Wally: It's just common sense.

Boss Gets A Troll

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Boss Gets A Troll  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #troll, #social media, #trolling, #insult, #technology

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Boss: This idiot keeps insulting me on social media! Every time I block him, he returns with a new account. It's like he never has anything better to do. Dilbert: Do you have a new hobby? Wally: It's more like a passion.

Software Is Never Finished

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Software Is Never Finished  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers, #deadline, #guidance, #lying

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Boss: Is the software finished? Dilbert: Software is never finished. Boss: Did you fix all of the bugs? Dilbert: There's no way to know. Boss: I can't manage you if you don't learn to lie. Dilbert: Okay, the software will be perfect in 2.3 days.