One He Guy Comic Strips - Page 12

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View 111 - 120 results for one he guy comic strips. Discover the best "One He Guy" comics from Dilbert.com.

Spelling Crypto Wrong

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Spelling Crypto Wrong - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #argument, #boss, #frustrated, #learning, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #spelling, #words

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Dilbert: You spelled "crypto" wrong. Boss: No, I didn't. Dilbert: You spelled it "c-r-i-p-t-o". Boss: So? Dilbert: There is no "I" in crypto. Boss: That's how I learned to spell it. Dilbert: You learned it wrong. No one else spells it that way. Boss: Now you're criticizing me for being an inovator? Dilbert: It's not innovation! It's a mistake! Why can't you admit you are wrong?! Boss: Why can't you?

No One Is Taking Advice

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No One Is Taking Advice - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Advice, #confidence, #employees, #jobs, #office workers, #youth

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Man: I keep telling people how to do their jobs, but no one takes my advice. Wally: Maybe that's because you are so inexperienced that you don't realize how bad your advice is. That's ridiculous. How could I be so wrong and yet feel so confident? Wally: I miss being young.

Inexperienced Employee Advice

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Inexperienced Employee Advice - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #criticism, #employees, #irritation, #office workers, #sarcasm, #experience, #arrogant

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Man: Hi, I'm an inexperienced employee who tells experienced employees how to do their jobs. I compensate for my lack of experience with a thing called arrogance. Dilbert: That sounds worth-less. Man: Oh, yeah? Then why does every company have one of me?

Memory Science

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Memory Science - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #laziness, #memory, #office workers, #restaurant workers, #sarcasm, #science, #presentation

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Wally: According to the science of memory, you are likely to forget ninety percent of what I present today. So I got rid of ninety percent of my slides to focus on the one slide that matters. Voice: Or were you too lazy to make more than one slide? Wally: I already forgot ninety percent of what you just said.

The Bad Analogy Guy

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The Bad Analogy Guy - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meetings, #office workers, #sarcasm, #war

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Man: This meeting reminds me of the sixth elbonian revolution. Therefore, logically, this meeting will end with bayonets. Asok: What's wrong with you? Man: Can I borrow your pen?

Bad Analogy Guy Fits In

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Bad Analogy Guy Fits In - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #employees, #insults, #office, #office workers, #sarcasm

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Man: Hi. I'm the bad analogy guy. I can't tell the difference between thinking and simply being reminded of unrelated things. Wally: You'll fit in well here. Man: You dress like a liar.

Hiring A Bad Analogy Guy

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Hiring A Bad Analogy Guy - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #office, #office workers, #questions, #sarcasm, #arrogance

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Boss: I hired a bad analogy guy. Instead of giving reasons for his opinions, he asks ridiculous questions while acting arrogant. Dilbert: That doesn't seem useful. Man: Would you say that about oxygen?

New Cubicles

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New Cubicles - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #cubicle

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boss: are you enjoying your new cubicles? alice: my old cubicle had a window view. my new cubicle is in a windowless room with gray walls. it's always too cold, and i'm surrounded by noisy people i dislike. i feel anxious, unhealthy, and depressed all day long. thanks to the office relocation, my life has become a rapid descent into madness. boss: on the plus side, we saved five precent in rent. no one ever likes to hear about the plus side.

Wally Adopts An Elbonian Baby

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Wally Adopts An Elbonian Baby - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #excuses, #office workers, #trick, #work, #adoption, #morality

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Wally: I've decided to adopt a kid from Elbonia so I'll have better excuses for missing work. Dilbert: Your plan is immoral, uncaring, and socially irresponsible. Wally: And brilliant. Dilbert: No one is saying it won't work.

Toxic Employee

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Toxic Employee - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #employees

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boss: i hired a toxic employee to keep the rest of you on your toes. if you utter one wrong word, this thing will report you to human resources. dilbert: what gender is it? toxic employee: stop hitting on me.