Problem With Clone Comic Strips - Page 12
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dilbert at home: i haven't had any human contact for months. dilbert wearing face mask sitting on couch with dogbert: people need physical contact to keep their oxytocin at healthy levels. dogbert: get away from me. dilbert: maybe if we both close our eyes.
wally with face mask giving presentation: according to our newest data, 100% of the people who upgraded to version 2.0 of our software died the same day. wally to boss: but we don't think it means anything because all of them had underlying health issues. boss: how did they all have underlying health issues? wally: version 1.0 had some rough edges too.
boss's voice coming from monitor: is the data accurate? dilbert at desk looking at boss on video conference: you don't go to war with the data you need. you go to war with the data you have. boss: did you just make it sound noble to use bad data? dilbert: and heroic.
dilbert with face mask: i need a quick decision on this, but i don't have time to compile the relevant facts. boss with face mask: without facts, i would just be guessing. dilbert: it won't affect your career average. boss: why wouldn't it? dilbert: let's change the subject.
boss with face mask: our security team says you have been sending our proprietary data to elbonia. elbonian with face mask: you can't prove that. boss: i monitor all of your internet activities. elbonian: i monitor all of your internet activity, too. boss: then let's forget we had this conversation.
Alice wearing face mask: can I borrow your stapler? Dilbert wearing face mask: not with your bare hands. but i can wrap it in plastic and leave a hole for the staples to come out. Alice: maybe you can just lend me a paper clip. dilbert: i'll throw it to you.
boss with face mask: wally, i need you to practice "social distancing" until the virus risk has passed. wally: i already do that. i haven't hugged anyone since the eighties. boss: good job. high-five. wally: back off.
Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #report, #factory, #elbonia, #problem, #lost, #power, #main, #floor, #employees, #scared, #trip, #dark, #gas, #line, #accident, #crater, #capital, #explosion, #unsympathetic
dilbert: we have some problems in our elbonian factory. boss: how bad? dilbert: they lost power on the main floor. boss: that's not so bad. dilbert: the employees were scared. boss: they'll get over it. dilbert: one of them tripped in the dark. boss: big deal. dilbert: he accidentally opened a gas line. boss: a little gas never hurt anyone. dilbert: now there's a crater where the capital city used to be. boss and dilbert just looking at each other boss: let's keep an eye on that.
dilbert: i hear there's a great job opening in operations for someone with your background. big salary, private office. looks like a great opportunity for you. office worker: are you trying to get rid of me? dilbert: not in a way you are suppose to notice.
alice: i have a doctor appointment. boss: what's wrong with you? alice yelling: that's none of your stinkin' business! stay our of my life! boss to catbert: didn't you advise me to show interest in my employees? catbert: i was pranking you. they hate that.