Ring Once Comic Strips - Page 12

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

191 Results for Ring Once

View 111 - 120 results for ring once comic strips. Discover the best "Ring Once" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #list, #on head, #pimples, #trolls, #finance trolls

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert and the troll are walking. Dilbert says to the troll, "So, if all trolls were once people, that means some people are already changing and don't know it." The troll replies, "Exactly." The troll opens a book and says, "This is the list of people we're waiting for." Dilbert sings to Wally, "I know something you don't know." Wally touches his head and says, "I think I'm getting pimples on my head."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ratbert, #can't sleep, #tell story, #pointy haired monster, #cry, #dilbert bedtime story, #tells life story, #rat crys

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert is sitting on his couch in his bathrobe. His pet rat approaches on the arm rest and says, "I can't sleep. Would you tell me a story." The rat is cuddled under a blanket on the couch. Dilbert begins his story: "Once upon a time there was a pointy-haired monster." He continues, "He promised riches to the villagers if they could achieve his random objectives." The rat begins to get drowsy. Dilbert continues his story: "The villagers worked long hours but they were happy and optimistic." Dilbert continues, "Suddenly the evil monster cut their funding and hired the village idiot to be project manager." Dilbert continues, "And that is how the villagers got trapped in meetings for all eternity. The end." The rat opens its eyes wide in horror. The rat cries, "Waaa!! Waaa!! Waaa!!" Dilbert says to Dogbert, "Rats cry when they hear about my life." Dogbert responds, "It never pays to listen."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #total sociopath, #rifle through purse, #call me, #ring once, #robbed, #date, #hug, #robbery

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice and Ron are saying their goodbyes next to Ron's car. They're headed towards an embrace. Alice says, "You're a total sociopath, Ron. I like that in a man." As they're hugging, Ron's hand is in Alice's purse. She cries, "Oh yes, rifle through my purse! Yes! Yes! Yes!" Ron heads back to his car. Alice calls after him, "Call me?" Ron responds while counting the money he's just stolen from her, "Sure. But you'd better wait by the phone; I only ring once."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #401k, #run that far, #10k wheelchair race, #whip marks

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert asks The Boss, "Why aren't you signed up for the 401K?" The Boss says to Catbert, "I'd never be able to run that far." The Boss says to Catbert, "I did a 10K wheelchair race once. The guy who pushed me still has whip marks."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #stange, #beautiufl, #felling, #waves, #ecstacy, #positive reinforcement, #tingly, #soul, #good words from boss

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice says, "What is this strange and beautiful feeling inside of me?!" Smiling broadly, Alice says, "Waves of ecstasy are pulsing through my soul." The Boss thinks to himself, "This is why I only give positive reinforcement once a year." Alice's voice continues, "I'm all tingly!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #nephew, #job interview, #bowling, #heavy balls, #work, #experince, #taught, #snack bar, #whacked, #new boss

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss hands a piece of paper to Dilbert and says, "My nephew wants a job. Interview him and tell me what you think." The Boss' nephew sits across from Dilbert as Dilbert looks at his resume. Dilbert says, "Let's see... Your work experience is... Bowling." Dilbert asks, "Are you a professional bowler?" The Boss' nephew replies, "I only bowled once." The Boss' nephew continues, "But the balls were heavy. It seemed like work to me." The Boss' nephew continues, "That experience taught me everything I know." The Boss' nephew continues, "Unfortunately, I don't remember most of it." The Boss' nephew continues, "But I remember you're not supposed to bowl in the snack bar." Dilbert says to The Boss, "I recommend having him whacked." The Boss replies, "He's your new boss."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #give away prodcut, #for free, #deinstall it, #bill customers, #consumer despaitations

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says to Wally and Dilbert, "My plan is to give away our product for free." The Boss says to Wally and Dilbert, "We'll only bill customers who ask us to deinstall it." Wally and Dilbert continue looking on impassively as The Boss continues, "For once, those reports of consumer decapitations will work in our favor."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #doing it wrong, #response time, #sub second, #two seconds, #always right, #never wrong, #screaming

View Transcript

Transcript

Noriko says to Dilbert, "And we'll have sub-second response time. Dilbert says to Noriko, "Actually, it's already two seconds, and your change will add two more." Noriko exclaims to Dilbert, "Why do you always have to be right?!" Noriko says to Dilbert, "Just once can't you admit I'm right?" Dilbert says, "Okay, I admit that two plus two equals less than one." Noriko says, "I don't mean now, jerk. I mean in general." Dilbert says, "Okay. In general I admit that the rules of physics are optional." Noriko exclaims, "You're doing it wrong!!" Dilbert says, "You're right. My fault again."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #performance review, #weaknesses need improvement, #become invisible, #blurry, #multitasking, #too often

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss asks Dilbert, "Do you have any weaknesses that need improvement?" Dilbert replies, "Sometimes I work so fast that I become invisible." Dilbert goes on to say, "If I seem blurry right now, it's because I'm multi-tasking." The Boss thinks to himself, "Once a year is way too often for this."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cynics annonymous, #fluorescent lights, #higher power, #naive optimism, #perfect emplyee

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert tells Dilbert: "Dilbert, you've become too aware of reality. I'm sending you to 'Cynics Anonymous.'" Catbert continues: "A higher power will help you regain the naive optimism that once made you a perfect employee." Dilbert says: "Why can't the higher power change me while I'm sitting here?" Catbert answers: "Fluorescent lights block his power."