Share Knowledge Comic Strips - Page 12
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200 Results for Share Knowledge
View 111 - 120 results for share knowledge comic strips. Discover the best "Share Knowledge" comics from Dilbert.com.
Wednesday January 23,
2008
Tags #computer, #dont breathe, #help, #rat, #software, #software consulatant, #trying to help, #technology, #engineering
Transcript
Ratbert the software consultant RatBert: Don't let your lack of knowledge interfere with my brilliance. Don't touch the keyboard, don't offer opinions and don't breathe so loudly that I can hear it. Ratbert: There. I've either configured your software or erased something called a bios.
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marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Sunday October 28,
2007
Tags #empty brain, #stress, #word knowledge, #past the filters, #mantra, #lindsay lohan, #britney spears, #paris hilton
Transcript
Ratbert: My brain is empty. "It feels great!" "Stress is just another word for knowledge." "Wait a minute. How do I know that?" "GAAA!!! Something got past the filters!" "Must...Do...Mantra..." "Lindsay Lohan...Britney Spears...Paris Hilton...Ommmmm." Dogbert: "Are you all good now?" Ratbert: "Have we met?"
Wednesday July 11,
2007
Tags #knowledge, #authority, #make decsions, #misinterpret, #build
Transcript
Dilbert: Does anyone here have any knowledge or any authority to make decisions? woman: "I'm only here to listen and misinterpret." "Let's try to build on that."
Monday July 02,
2007
Tags #strategic asset, #market share, #fire yourself, #accountabilty
Transcript
The Boss: Human resources is a company's most important strategic asset. "That means it's your fault we're losing market share. Maybe you should fire yourself." "Strategic assets don't like accountability."
Saturday June 09,
2007
Tags #software, #budget, #computer, #tiny mittens, #thermometer, #hell, #your turn, #nice guy, #intern, #abused, #mean coworkers, #technology, #engineering
Transcript
Asok: I need this software to do my job. The Boss: "The software budget is spent. Just share a computer with someone who has this software." Alice: "Why don't you take your tiny mittens and a thermometer to hell and wait for a sign that it's your turn."
Tuesday January 23,
2007
Tags #quagmire, #alien, #highly advanced intelligence, #genius
Transcript
Alien: I am an alien with highly advanced intelligence. I have come to share my genius with this company. Asok: Me too. But they don't like that sort of thing here. It's a quagmire."
Monday January 22,
2007
Tags #evil director, #human resources, #scientist, #planet zorp, #technolgies, #engineers, #transfer knowledge, #work, #fabric covered container, #business, #science
Transcript
Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources Scientist: I am a scientist from the planet Zorp. I bring you technologies beyond your imagination. All I ask is that you let me work with your engineers to transfer this knowledge. They think 'work' means sitting in a fabric-covered container.
Sunday October 22,
2006
Transcript
Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources "Our employee onboarding process will get you all mainstreamed in no time at all." "This will be your cubicle, if we can find another place to store this junk." "You'll get a phone and a computer if the budget ever gets approved." "This is Alice. She will be your mentor." "I don't have time to babysit! I'm buried in work!" "I do not like you. I...do...not...like you!!!" "Stand in the hallway and read these binders. If you learn anything, forget it, because knowledge isn't rewarded here." "Try giving up hope. It turns the bad feeling into emptiness."
Saturday March 11,
2006
Tags #project wombat, #project manager, #inviting me, #expertise, #knowledge of expertise
Transcript
Yesterday I had a great meeting about Project Wombat. "What?!" "I've been managing that project for six months! How can you have a meeting without inviting me?!!" "Have you noticed that meetings go smoother without any knowledge or expertise?" "Kinda."
Sunday January 01,
2006
Tags #employee appreciation day
Transcript
The Boss: We're going to have an employee appreciation day on the 8th! "That's a Sunday." Alice: That's the best day for a potluck lunch. The Boss: You'll have all day Saturday to make a dish to share!" "I'll need a volunteer to organize everything. Let's see...Which one of you is the woman?" "Bring jackets. It's supposed to be about 45 degrees in the park that day." "I won't be able to attend because I do personal stuff on weekends." "Take pictures!" I hope no one else brought a pine cone appetizer."