Special Class Comic Strips - Page 12
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Headline: Six Sigma Consultant. Dogbert is standing in front of a room. He says, "All of you are selfish and dimwitted but don't worry." Dogbert continues, "I'll teach you a process that will bog you down in meetings so you can't hurt anything." Asok panics and exclaims, "I can't move my arms!" The rest of the class is asleep.
Dilbert and Dogbert are sitting at the kitchen table, having cereal and coffee. Dilbert is still in his bathrobe. Dogbert says, "By the end of my two-day evolution class I had one surviving student." Dogbert continues as Dilbert raises his coffee cup, "He's probably the cockiest squirrel I've ever seen. Toward the end he weighed three thousand pounds." Dogbert continues as Dilbert takes a sip, "If you asked me who's the unluckiest person in the world, I'd have to say it was the janitor."
Headline: Evolution Training. Dogbert is standing atop a stool with a pointer in his hand. Zoltar is standing in front of the class. Dogbert introduces him, "Zoltar is a graduate of this class. He will demonstrate speed evolving." Zoltar shows the class his talent as Dogbert watches from his stool. He shakes with clenched fists and grunts, "Unh... Errr...Hoo...Ahh." Dogbert continues to stare at Zoltar, who now has small hands growing out of the side of his head. Zoltar responds, "I hope you're staring at my new sideburns."
Headline: Evolution Training. Dogbert stands atop a stool in front of students with a pointer in his hand. He says, "Some of you will not make it through the class." A banana who happens to be seated next to a gorilla raises its hand and asks, "May I move to a different seat?" The rest of the class looks on. Dogbert responds, "Sure... Oops. Problem solved. Carl, don't leave that where someone will slip on it."
The Boss sits at his desk with his hands crossed. He says, "Monty. You're not growing into your job as quickly as I hoped." Monty, a monkey in a suit, stands opposite from The Boss, looking grim. The Boss' voice continues, "So I signed you up for an accelerated evolution program. They pack a million years into a two-day class." Dogbert stands in front of a blackboard atop a stool and yells to Monty and the monkey behind him as they enter the classroom. He says authoritatively, "Hurry up! We've already lost the opposable thumbs module; let's not lose fire too."
MANAGEMENT TRAINING: Dogbert addresses the class, saying, "Tim will demonstrate the Management Cloak of Invisibility." Dogbert points to Tim who is sitting at a desk in front of the Management Training class. Dogbert watches as Tim sinks below the desk. Dogbert says to the class as Tim disappears from view, "I admit it doesn't seem very special when you know how it's done."
MANAGEMENT TRAINING: Dogbert says, "There are two essential rules of management." The Management Training class, with Alice sitting in the front row, listens as Dogbert continues, "One: The customer is always right." Dogbert continues, "Two: They must be punished for their arrogance!"
MANAGEMENT TRAINING: Dogbert says to Alice and the rest of the Management Training class, "What would you do if you made a huge, incredibly stupid mistake?" A man sitting next to Alice in the class raises his hand and says, "I would try to learn from it." Dogbert asks, "Did you learn anything from your answer?"
Wally says to an employee sitting at a computer, "My name is Wally and I'll be your engineer." Wally says to the employee, "Our special today is incomprehensible mumbling in an acronym sauce with a snide of attitude." The employee says, "I'll just have a technical review." Wally asks, "Do you want sarcasm with that?"
Dilbert stands in front of a computer typing. A man dressed as a superhero with a 'C' on his chest says, "Step away from that network server! I'm certified!" The man sits in front of the computer, raises his arms and calls, "I summon the vast power of certification!!!" The man looks at the computer and says, "Well, this is embarassing; that's all I remember from the classes."