Successful Man Comic Strips - Page 12

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for Successful Man

View 111 - 120 results for successful man comic strips. Discover the best "Successful Man" comics from Dilbert.com.

Helping The Boss Be Successful

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Helping The Boss Be Successful - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #helpfulness, #niceness, #kindness

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok: How can I help you achieve your goals and be more successful? Boss: You could stop talking all creepy and weird. Asok: I thought I was being helpful. Boss: Go hate your job like everyone else.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #argument, #anger, #frustration, #trolling, #needling

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: And that's how much money the new system will save us per year. Man: Apparently you don't care how much it costs because you're an ignorant narcissist. Dilbert: I talked about the costs in great detail. What's wrong with you? Man: Oh, I guess you're walking it all back now. Dilbert: There's nothing to walk back. I'm saying the same thing I said earlier. Man: Nice try, hypocrite! Dilbert: I don't know what is happening right now!!! Man: Why is he so defensive? Boss: He's losing it.

Too Dumb To Understand

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Too Dumb To Understand - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #insult, #intelligence, #ego

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: Your idea will never work. Dilbert: That's because you're too dumb to understand it. My idea would look brilliant if you were sixty percent smarter. Man: I don't know how to respond to that. Dilbert: That's consistent with my hypothesis.

A Wally Robot

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
A Wally Robot  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #robot, #modernity, #technology, #automation, #coffee

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok: Do you worry that a robot will someday take your job? Wally: Nah. No one will build a robot that does nothing but drink coffee. Man: It does nothing but drink coffee. It can replace twenty percent of your workforce. Boss: I like it.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #customer service, #loyalty program, #survey, #frustration

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: Would you like to sign up for our customer loyalty program? Dilbert: Why would I do that? Man: If you don't we'll overcharge you on your purchases. But if you sign up, we will add a new level of complexity to your life that will make you hate us. Dilbert: I'll stick with the customer disloyalty program. Just overcharge me and I'll never come back. Man: You can get ten percent off your purchase today if you fill out an online customer survey and enter our store code. Dilbert: Please just overcharge me and let me leave! Man: I almost hesitate to ask which extended warranty option you want.

Alice Forgives

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Alice Forgives - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #revenge, #forgiveness, #bygones, #anger, #vindictive

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: Alice, can you review this for technical accuracy? Alice: No, because six years ago you rolled your eyes when I said something at a meeting. Man: Can you forgive me? Alice: Yes. That process involves not helping you.

Ideal Customer

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Ideal Customer - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #market research, #sham, #yes-man, #demographics

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: My research shows that your ideal customer is a male Olympic athlete between the ages of 120 and 145. And just to be safe, you want that guy to not have a Yelp account. Boss: How many people are in that group? Dogbert: None, but my research will help you double that.

Dogbert's Unreliable Research Company

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dogbert's Unreliable Research Company - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #research, #truth, #accuracy, #lying, #market research, #yes-man, #science

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: I'm the CEO of Dogbert's Unreliable Research Company. My services cost less than regular research because all I do is tell you whatever you want to hear. CEO: Is that defensible? Dogbert: I'm sensing you want a yes on that.

Repeating Your Point Too Much

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Repeating Your Point Too Much - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #body cam, #camera, #survillance, #insult, #rudeness

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: According to my body cam playback, you have repeated your point twelve times. Maybe you could try saying other things for a few minutes. Man: I wasn't expecting you to be so rude. Dilbert: You're not the first to make that mistake.

No Calendar Needed

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
No Calendar Needed - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #work ethic, #laziness, #calendar, #excuse, #avoidance

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: Do you have time to check my design? Wally: Let me see. Nope. Man: Did you just check your calendar? Wally: With my system, I don't need a calendar.