Two Warning System Comic Strips - Page 12

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

822 Results for Two Warning System

View 111 - 120 results for two warning system comic strips. Discover the best "Two Warning System" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 05, 2015's comic on:


Tags #ideas, #problems, #talking, #solution, #obliviousness, #criticism, #honesty

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Why didn't you tell me our biggest vendor pulled out of the deal? Dilbert: If I told you my problems, you would suggest solutions. Your solutions generally don't make sense. But you are my boss, so I would be obliged to waste time looking into your suggestions. So if you try to solve my problem, I will have two problems instead of one. Boss: Sometimes my ideas are good! Right? Dilbert: That is a dangerous way to think.

The Boredom Of Living Off The Grid

Thank you for voting.
The Boredom Of Living Off The Grid - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 30, 2015's comic on:


Tags #hiding, #grid, #off the grid, #bored, #bore, #boredom, #Entertainment

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: The government will never find me off the grid. G-Man 1: He went off the grid. G-Man 2: Problem solved. The boredom will kill him in two days. Dilbert: Looking at a stick. Still looking at a stick.

Click Rate On Death Alerts

Thank you for voting.
Click Rate On Death Alerts - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 16, 2015's comic on:


Tags #advertising, #technology, #analytics, #smart watch, #app, #ad, #click, #clickbait, #attention, #distraction

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Our health app accurately predicts the user's time of death and sends a five-minute warning. Our business model is paid advertising that we disguise as "death alerts." CEO: How's the click-through rate? Boss: Surprisingly low. It's hard to get people's attention these days.

Wally Presents His Idea

Thank you for voting.
Wally Presents His Idea - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 18, 2015's comic on:


Tags #ideas, #inventions, #thinking, #coffee, #mug, #decisions, #peer pressure, #independent thought

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: I invented a coffee mug with two handles. It works from any angle of approach, accommodates larger payloads, and has handle redundancy. Alice: I can honestly say it is your best idea yet. Boss: If Alice likes it...

Dogbert Makes A Product That Begs For Updates

Thank you for voting.
Dogbert Makes A Product That Begs For Updates - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 24, 2015's comic on:


Tags #product design, #product designer, #cruelty, #update, #computer, #reboot, #operating system, #torture, #technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert The Product Designer. Dogbert: I created an operating system that uses up 80% of your time begging for updates. That still leaves a healthy 20% of your time to... reboot your computer over and over. Boss: Can it fax?

Wally Will Work When He Is Dead

Thank you for voting.
Wally Will Work When He Is Dead - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 09, 2015's comic on:


Tags #death, #strategy, #work ethic, #work, #philosophy, #perfect system, #medical

View Transcript

Transcript

Coworker: I noticed you don't do much work. Wally: My philosophy is that there will be plenty of time to work when I'm dead. Coworker: But you won't be here to do it. Wally: I guess you don't know what a perfect system looks like.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 22, 2015's comic on:


Tags #deadline, #expectation, #impossible, #irrational, #leadership, #motivation, #rationality

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: How many days will it take to finish the tests? Dilbert: Three. Boss: You have two. Dilbert: I can't do it in two days. That's why I said three. Boss: That was before I used my leadership skills to tell you to do it in two days. Dilbert: Leadership doesn't change the laws of physics. The test takes three days. Boss: You have two. Leadership! These test results look incomplete. Dilbert: Just like my soul.

Boss Has Investment Tips For Asok

Thank you for voting.
Boss Has Investment Tips For Asok - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 21, 2015's comic on:


Tags #Advice, #bad advice, #diversification, #investment, #obliviousness, #stock market, #money

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok: Do you have any investment tips? Boss: You're asking the right person! I can teach you how to time the market, catch a falling knife, and invest in a dead-cat bounce. That's my system. Asok: What about diversification? Boss: I don't invest in anything I can't spell.

Love Me For My Mind

Thank you for voting.
Love Me For My Mind - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 09, 2015's comic on:


Tags #dating, #love, #priorities, #relationships, #vanilla scented lotion, #mind

View Transcript

Transcript

Woman: I want a guy who loves me for me, and not for the way I look... or the things I do. Dilbert: That doesn't leave me much to work with. Can I love you for your money and your vanilla-scented body lotion? Woman: You could love me for my mind. Dilbert: That might have worked two minutes ago.

Dilbert Reduces Decisions

Thank you for voting.
Dilbert Reduces Decisions - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 30, 2014's comic on:


Tags #attractive, #clothes, #clothing, #dating, #deciding, #decisions, #eliminates decisons, #fine tuning, #system, #tube clothes, #relationships

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I only wear tube clothes now because it reduces my number of daily decisions. Tina: You mean decisions such as... where to go on a date? Because I don't see that coming up. Dilbert: I'm still fine-tuning the system.