Wild Guess Comic Strips - Page 12
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"Your project deadline is next month, and I can't imagine you finishing on time." "So I dinged you on your annual performance review." "But... I will finish on time." "Well, let's agree to disagree."<r>"What?!" "You're basing my raise on what you IMAGINE I won't do in the furture!" "Relax. If you do finish the project on time, I'll factor it into your next annual review." "Well... Okay. I guess it all averages out." One Year Later "Remember the project that I finished last year?" "No. But the new one looks like it will be late."
Dilbert: I lost my ID besiege. Security: Report to the security office and get a new one. Hold it where do you think you're going? Dilbert: To the security office? Security: No one is allowed past this desk with out an ID badge. Dilbert: Okay....how do I go to the security office if I can't go to the security office? Security: Good question. I guess you'll have to steal past me. Dilbert: Look over there! Its an angel and she's giving away free bacon! Security: well well It seems Ive found a worthy adversary.
Dilbert: Carol I need ten minutes on the pointy - haired boss schedule. Carol: I don't let him have meetings anymore. Dilbert: what? Carol: Everytime he had a meeting it just created more work for me. Carol: It was always Carol, get me a file and Carol schedule another meeting. Obviously I had to put an end to the madness. Dilbert: I guess ic ould email him. Carol: You could try.
"The prima donna" "Behold my indispensable greatness! No technical problem can thwart me!" "I wear no pants, as proof that I am above the rules. I am the alpha and the omega!" "Would you like to see a scoff, jeer, gibe, mock, sneer, fleer or flout?" "Fleer, I guess."
"Hey, Dilby, Dil-boy, Dilly-dally, Dilbo Baggins, Dill Pickle!" "I need a favor." "Does it involve spitting on your grave?" "I'm not dead." "Well then, I guess we both need a favor."
Dogbert: "I'm going into the extreme makeover business." "I'm planning to take it to the next level." "You'd look good with antlers." "And the nose has to go." Man: "Go?" "Your tiny ears are out of proportion." "These are ears." "I'll also rearrange your fat so you can't see it." "I'll toss in a few extras after you're unconscious, no charge." "Guess how old I am."
Dogbert: "It's nice to be retired. I'll do a-a-anything I want to do all day long." "I guess you'll be banging your head against a wall today, trying to earn money for the social infrastructure." Dilbert: "Do you ever feel guilty?" Dogbert: "Is it a warm, tingly sensation that makes you wag?"
"Who's today's guest cartoonist?" "At great expense, I've just hired Nildo Orbfutz as a consultant. He will increase our productivity hereby calculating how much time is actually wasted!" "Well, Nildo. How did you acquire your credentials? Degree in business management? HR? PR? Psychology?" "On-the-job training." "Let me guess: you've been fired from every job you ever had... for wasting time?" "Welcome to the wonderfuk world of consulting." "Answer: go to Dilbert.com."