2016 Comic Strips - Page 12

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

Not Knowing The Difference Monday

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Not Knowing The Difference Monday - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers, #explanation, #details, #honesty

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Do you want the detailed analysis you won't understand... or the executive summary that is dangerously misleading? Boss: I want an executive summary that is not misleading. Dilbert: I'll count on you not knowing the difference.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #diet, #dating, #restaurant, #relationships, #health

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: It took me six months to get a reservation here. I hear the food is amazing. Woman: It sounds fantastic. It's too bad I'm on a cucumber diet. I can only eat cucumbers after five o'clock. Dilbert: Well, it seems you have squandered my invitation to fine dining. Now my plan of sharing a culinary adventure is just a sad commentary on the casual rudeness of life. Can I expect you to complain about the quality of your cucumber and send it back? Waiter: We don't have cucumbers.

Accused Of Forgery

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Accused Of Forgery - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #motivation, #performance, #forgery, #pessimism, #giving up, #resistance

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert: You stand accused of forging an expense approval from the head of Marketing. Your malfeasance caused the project to finish on time and under budget. Next time, just give up and lose hope like everyone else. Dilbert: Will do.

Ask The Other Director

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Ask The Other Director - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #reorganization, #logic, #managers, #solutions, #cheating

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I tried to get approval from the head of Marketing, but the reorg makes it impossible. The outgoing director says I need to ask the incoming directory, but that person hasn't been named. Boss: Bring me solutions, not problems. Dilbert: Forgery it is.

Get Multiple Approvals

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Get Multiple Approvals - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers, #problems, #work, #frustration

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: You need to get your capital budget approved by all of the department heads. We're in the middle of a reorg, so get approval from both the outgoing and the incoming managers. Dilbert: Someday I hope to solve a problem that is not caused by leadership. Boss: You'll never get that far.

Weak Sales Reorg

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Weak Sales Reorg - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #executives, #money, #golden parachute, #greed, #logic, #sales, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Our executive team didn't know what to do about weak sales. SO they reorganized the company and gave themselves new titles and big raises. They still don't know what to do about weak sales, but they report being happier about the situation.

Electric Car Project

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Electric Car Project - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #manager, #labor, #time, #time management, #obliviousness

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Welcome to the first meeting of our project to design an electric car. We've never tried to build an electric car, but how hard could it be? Dilbert: It's very hard. Boss: It doesn't feel that way. My part is mostly talk.

Electric Car Business

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Electric Car Business - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #electric car, #scam

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: We're getting into the electric car business. Dilbert: Why? Boss: Because it sounds impressive and it will take years for anyone to figure out we did it wrong. We'll have new jobs by then. Dilbert: Did you just turn my job into a criminal conspiracy?

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #logic, #no-win, #deadline

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: Are these user specifications complete? I ask because any later changes will cause me to miss the deadline. Man: What if I only need a tiny change later? Wally: I'm counting on it. That way I can blame you when I miss the deadline. Man: How do most people handle this situation? Wally: Well, the pessimists know they're doomed, so it's no surprise to them when it happens. Man: What do the optimists do? Wally: They become pessimists.

Why Didn't You Tell Me Sooner

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Why Didn't You Tell Me Sooner - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #paradox, #debate, #arguing

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: Why didn't you tell me about this sooner? Dilbert: That's a fool's game because Zeno's Paradox says there will always be a time sooner than the one I pick. Alice's Paradox says that no matter how many criticisms you explain away, there are always plenty more.