300% More Criticism Comic Strips - Page 12
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1000 Results for 300% More Criticism
View 111 - 120 results for 300% more criticism comic strips. Discover the best "300% More Criticism" comics from Dilbert.com.
Thursday August 26,
2004
Tags removed all chairs, more efficient meetings, efficiency, what looked like
Transcript
The Boss: "I removed all the chairs to encourage more efficient meetings." "The first item on the agenda is... Ow, ow! Legs so tired... Meeting adjourned!!!" Wally: "I always wondered what efficiency looked like."
Friday August 27,
2004
Tags evil director, himan resources, cheaper, employee wellness program, sick days, incentives, highly paid workers, more fun
Transcript
"Catbert: Evil director of human resources" "I can't decide what's cheaper..." "...An employee wellness program to reduce sick days or incentivizing the older, highly paid workers to die." "Maybe you could use math to figure it out." "When I said cheaper, I meant more fun."
Saturday November 20,
2004
Tags biggest deficit, inability handle criticism, stupid misperceptions, argue with smarter people
Transcript
The Boss: Your biggest defect continues to be your inability to handle criticism. Alice: I can't argue with his stupid misperception without proving its true. The boss: and you argie with people who are much smarter than yourself. Alice GAAA!!!!
Sunday April 04,
1999
Tags peggy pr dircetor, press release, technical accuracy, trained squirrel, run on sentences, transparent lies, spelling grammar, errors, criticism stronger
Transcript
The Boss and a woman approach Dilbert. The Boss says, "Dilbert, this is Peggy the P.R. Director." The Boss continues, "I want you to review her press release for technical accuracy." Peggy presents a document to Dilbert. Dilbert sits and reads it. Peggy watches his reaction. Dilbert asks, "Who wrote this? A trained squirrel?" He continues, "I don't know where to begin." Peggy gets angry as Dilbert takes a pen to the press release. Dilbert says, "I'll cross out the run-on sentences and transparent lies first." Dilbert continues, "Then the failed attempts at cuteness... the spelling errors... grammar." Dilbert returns the press release to a Peggy, who is furious. Dilbert adds, "There you go. Remember, criticism makes you stronger." Dilbert is at home how, clothes torn to shreds, arm in a sling, head bandaged. To Dogbert, he says, "It was a mistake to make her stronger."
Tuesday January 11,
2005
Tags stock - picking software, more feauture, make hair grow, bald guys, test on rat, butticks
Transcript
Dogbert: My stock-picking software needs more features. "I think I'll add a module that claims to make hair grow on bald guys. I'll first test it on a rat." Ratbert: "I feel a new one on my buttocks!" Dogbert: "That's all the proof I need."
Tuesday February 08,
2005
Tags work well, superviuson, vague objectives, recognition, contribution, excited by criticism
Transcript
The Boss: Can you work well without supervision? Candidate: "Yes! I thrive on vague objectives and a complete lack of recognition for my contribution!" The Boss: "Can you handle criticism?" Candidate: "I'm not too proud to say it excites me!"
Monday April 04,
2005
Tags nick name, illusion of competence, the wizard, info guru, punch more, break room, coffee
Transcript
Wally: I need a nickname to create the illutsion of competence.<Br>"I was thinking along the lines of "the wizard" or "info-guru."" I've never wanted to punch you more than at this very moment."
Wednesday June 29,
2005
Tags losing empathy, ceo two days, decorating office, more important, healthcare, varnished desk
Transcript
"Ratbert the CEO "I've only been CEO for two days and already I"m losing my empathy." "For example, I'm pretty sure that decorating my office is more important than your healthcare." "Which reminds me I plan to have varnished and used as my desk."
Tuesday July 05,
2005
Tags dating pretty boys, look best, act best, more bread!, knows he can't do better
Transcript
"I'm tired of dating pretty boys where I need to look and act my best all the time." "I want a guy who knows he can't do better than me, no matter what I look like." "MORE BREAD!!!"
Wednesday November 16,
2005
Tags programmers, agile programming, methods, more work, fewer people
Transcript
We need three more programmers. "Use agile programming methods." "Agile programming doesn't just mean doing more work with fewer people." "Find me some words that DO mean that and ask again."